Make-or-Break Moment

So Arms and I have been talking for about two months, and two weeks into that, we first met in person.

Well, Arms is on to his next work assignment and will be temporarily out of the state for two months. Yes, you read that correctly...months! We had to say goodbye this past weekend. He walked me out to my car. It was quite cold outside, but we lingered for a long while, hugging to keep each other warm. He told me he wasn't ready to leave. We agreed that we did not want to release our hug (or stop kissing, hehe).

I haven't had an official boyfriend since high school - one where I 100% knew where we were exclusive. So Arms said the words I've never heard from a guy in my adult life:



      "So where are we wanting this to go?"



I seriously had no idea what to say. I often think too much before I say anything, but this time, in this moment full of opportunities, I opened my mouth too soon.

"I don't know, what are you thinking?"

So basically, I just gave all the power away, was vague myself, and left it in a guy's hands to Define The Relationship.

He didn't do too stellar a job with the defining task either. He reiterated the plans we already made - "I'll come to pick you up after the wedding [a few hours away from his new work site] in two weeks, and the week after, I'll come back here and see you [he has an interview here]."

So now I'm here, iced in at home for the past day and a half after Winter Storm Leon, and I'm missing him and bored, not sure how bad it would look to check into Tinder - where I met him and he can see my activity.

I deleted my OkCupid several weeks/months ago. I deleted my POF today.

I know he doesn't insult me. He wants to see me and makes regular plans to do so. He compliments me. He doesn't annoy me in any way and doesn't act inferior or superior. After being on the dating scene for the past three years, I spot so many things that he does right. He kisses well. He has a great body and an adorable, sincere smile. He makes me feel good. I can chitchat with him yet also not worry if there are silences. He's not a pickup artist. I still remember our first moments seeing each other in person, each of us blushing and smiling too much.

Is he going to be my man? I don't know.

Slow Walk Past the PB Aisle

One night last week I hit the grocery store after I was finished at the gym. I collected everything I needed, but at the last moment I remembered I wanted to check the price of my favorite almond butter - I'd noticed it had gone up two dollars at another store. I ducked into the peanut butter aisle, looked at the price (three dollars higher here!), and out of the corner of my eye, noticed a guy doing a double take. I ignored him and left as quickly as I'd came in.

When I reached the endcap, from the peanut butter aisle I hear the man exclaim, "Good God!"

"If you're not married, I need to take you out."

I paused and kept hiding at the endcap, caught off guard. He continued, "What will it be?"

I managed a feeble, "Maybe," then finally came back to join him after he repeated my statement.

I noticed him better this time. He was my type. He asked for my email address and we joked about our groceries.

I left him for the checkout line, later feeling guilty about exchanging contact info with someone after all the good things that have been going on with Arms. Mr. Peanut Butter (I'll call him PB) emailed me the next morning, but it was a busy day and I didn't write him back until the next afternoon. We exchanged one more round of emails within the next two days, and then things started getting a bit off.

His email started off polite but said our original date plans wouldn't work because he'd made another appointment. He eventually outright said:

You take too long to respond. It's like I'm trying to make plans with a "slow" person ;)

Then the email ended.

Then I noticed another email, written a few hours after the last.

Hey there Slow. You have a couple of options. 5pm at XX. Or 8pm at XYZ. What will it be, Slow?

I wasn't amused. His email was offensive. Childish. Impatient. Inconsiderate.

Did he ask if I'd had a busy week? No. If I didn't hear from an online dating prospect for a couple days, I wouldn't sweat it. He's busy and he'll write back if he's interested enough. Beyond that, each avenue of communication has its own inherent timeframe. Instant Messages are usually immediate. Texting is a little longer. Personal email timeframes are a little longer. I find that messages on online dating sites are often one, two, or more days apart. I don't have access to my personal email at work (we have wonky Wi-Fi) so I'd taken around 12 to 24 hours to respond to each of his messages - not out of the ordinary at all.

If PB had asked for my phone number (and not my email) in the first place, we might already be negotiating plans for date two.

Unfortunately, PB never got to see me again after that first meeting in the peanut butter aisle. Guess I am so "Slow" that it's going to take me literally an eternity to write him back.

Anything for Leonardo DiCaprio

My first news is that I have gotten rid of Foodie, but not before I got a free showing of Wolf of Wall Street out of him. Anything for Leo, am I right?

I've been seeing a lot of Arms lately and haven't gone on dates with anyone else in weeks. He's going to be traveling for work for several weeks here soon. It just so happens that I'm going to a wedding in a city just a few hours from where he'll be working. He volunteered to drive to me that weekend, pick me up, and take off work for a couple days so we can have a little reunion and explore the two areas. He also asked me to be his date for a wedding that is still several months away. He treats me really well. I like being with him, but I also like this feeling with him like I'm in control of my emotions. I'm not obsessing and dwelling on the future.

As we're spending more time with each other, I feel guilty about the possibility of talking to other guys. I really know I should still be dating around, and I want to. But the guilt overwhelms me, so I don't stray! I see that Arms is active on Tinder every few days, so I make sure I am as well - even though I haven't actually been talking to anyone.

In other news, one of my girlfriends has really been bothering me lately. She's a couple years younger than I am, but the more time I spend with her the more immature she seems. She's in a circle with a couple of other girls I adore, so shutting her out is not an option - and there're moments I adore her as well. But she is literally guy-crazy. She's very beautiful but is so clingy that she scares her prospects off fast. I get worried texts from her almost every day that say "Guy X, Y, or Z hasn't texted me back yet today!" She responds to every text within seconds. I'm like, "Girl, you text more than anyone I know. You're dating guys that are older than you. You have to understand that they can't and don't want to text and communicate every moment of every day. Not texting back in two hours does not mean they don't like you!" But sadly, no matter what my friends and I tell her, she's un-teachable.

Lately every girls' night out with her is a drag. It becomes all about her and the guy-of-the-night that she wants to meet out. She'll whine that he bailed on her, or will whine if she doesn't like the bar we're at because there are no guys. It's like she can never enjoy her friends and she just complains the whole time! However, the moment a guy is around who she's content with, she's all smiles and turns up her attitude 300 percent. Obnoxious!

Anyway, end rant. I'm so excited that I start grad school soon, so I can have smart friends. And of course, tons of smart future businessmen at my fingertips, in case this Arms thing doesn't work out. ;)