Something's off

A couple weekends ago, a girlfriend was Tindering with a guy who invited her to bring her girlfriends for a night out with a bunch of his guy friends. One Friday night, four of us ladies met up with the guys in uptown, and they escorted us (in a party bus!) to a nearby club. There were a couple cute guys in the group, but I was mostly there for the awesome bus and the free drinks/VIP treatment we were promised. ;)

The club was kind of a bust that night, and we kind of had to stand around awkwardly before we even got one free drink. A couple of us girls were feeling a little too sober and like the night wasn't living up to what we'd been told. I felt a little bitchy about feeling that way, but oh well. One of the guys from our group was also standing around looking a little bored, so he walked up to me, saying, "I'm going to come over and stand by you."

He decided to break the ice by asking, "So, what do you look for in a guy?" I liked it. It was a fun conversation to have with someone, especially with a cute guy who you're not sure is interested in you or not. Now that he was right next to me, I noticed that he was pretty much my type (read: blond). I sheepishly admitted that I can't help but being attracted to blond guys, but of course prefaced with that they need to be very smart, nice, respectful, etc. Thinking back, I don't remember what he said in return about his taste in girls, but it was pretty flirty.

He bought me a couple of overpriced drinks and was basically my talking buddy for the night. He was a little shy, but I liked that about him. If a guy's too confident, it leads me to think that 5,766 girls are already after him. Some random (younger and overeager) club girl did keep trying to hit on him throughout the night, but he kept landing by my side instead. At one point, he told me he wanted to tell me a secret.

"What is it?!" I was excited. It sounded juicy.

"So... You're really pretty. Is that stupid?"

I told him it wasn't stupid - that it was cute he said that.

On the ride home, he kicked his legs over my lap, and I tried to steal his shoes. He was cute and easy to be with. I liked him.

He asked about the longest relationship I'd been in. After he heard my answer, he told me I was worse than him, but that he did enjoy being single. "That's probably not what you want to hear, though." Cue awkward silence.

The group got back to the guys' house, and since I had things to do in the morning, I started talking about how I was going to leave soon. He didn't really react. He even disappeared into the kitchen for a while, and he caught me as I opened the front door to go out to my cab.

"It was nice meeting you," he said, waving goodbye.

He had never asked for my number.

Immediately after getting into my cab, I texted my girlfriend who was still at the guys' place (and paired up with the other cute guy) and had her do some quick investigating.

Soon, she texted back with an answer. The guy didn't ask for my number because... He had a girlfriend.

Wow. That hadn't even occurred to me! What about the part where he asked a bunch of relationship questions, or the part where he said he likes being single?! Talk about omitting something pretty big there! Guess the next time I find a flirt buddy for the night, I need to figure out if he really is single or not.

On the prowl

One of my girl friends and I have been getting sick of the late night bar scene, so the two of us decided to venture out on our own and check out the happy hour crowd after work for a change. She works in one of the big corporate towers, and her boss has been telling her how if she really wants to meet a quality guy, all the young professional guys are out in the surrounding bars and restaurants at XX time after work.

She really does work in a prime location and the bars/restaurants around are incredible and really upscale...so these are definitely good spots for a man hunt. ;)

Night one we targeted a weekend night, a little after happy hour. We went to a swanky hotel bar, and oh my, it was packed with gorgeous guys. One so-so pair of guys came up to us (one which we had commented on earlier - the taller guy looked famous, but we weren't sure who he was) but they ended up being lame (and not actually famous, after a quick Google consult). We spotted one guy we really wanted to talk to, but he decided not to approach...until he happened to be out in the hotel lobby as we were leaving. And we spotted a wedding ring! Boo! He was even more gorgeous up close, yet right in the more mature age bracket we were hoping to target. Getting closer!

Night two was planned for the prime happy hour timeframe suggested by my friend's boss. Swanky hotel bar was dead, except for older guys. We managed to win a free drink each anyway then quickly headed over to a nice steakhouse next door. Score! - we walked in to a cluster of young professional guys in suits hovering next to the bar. Sadly they continued "networking" for a couple minutes then were seated soon after, leaving us sitting alone at the bar. We bought ourselves a round of fancy drinks and appetizers and an older guy (with a cuter, younger friend - with a wedding ring) chatted us up for a minute. We didn't have any luck there, but that was okay. We were practicing and getting our new routine down!

Guess this night really goes to show that Arms is on the back burner.

My friend kept seeing a bunch of hotties walk into yet another swanky restaurant - the one that Foodie had taken me to on our first date, for one of my best (and most $$$!!) meals ever. We went there next, but to our dismay all the hotties were packed into tables in the back, and there was only room for us at the bar. We got our buzz on for one more drink then called it a night. It was a lot of fun and brought us closer as friends, and the evening gave us a bunch of time to brainstorm for our next couple of nights on the prowl! Young, successful men, here we come!

In-Between Phase

Happy belated St. Patrick's Day! Did y'all do anything green-themed?

Well, I owe an update on the Arms situation. Is he moving? Is he not? Well, unfortunately it's still complicated. He doesn't have an exact answer as far as his opportunity here in town goes, and he's in the process of signing the dotted lines for the out-of-town offer but could still stop the process if he suddenly got an offer here. He's thrown it out that it would only be temporary, and he's put a number of months on it before he'd move back - but still, that's easy to say and not what always happens in reality.

The possibility of him being far away really got me scared for a minute and I think hyper-inflated my feelings for him. When I had a couple more days to think about it though, I kind of realized that I've started to have a wandering eye and a curiosity about other guys. The next time Arms and I had a date, it was kind of blah and we were both feeling it. We didn't talk much during the week, which was really unusual for us. And since I didn't feel like reaching out to him much, and he didn't initiate anything either, over a week went by without us seeing each other...weird for a time that should be precious to us if he's moving soon.

Thinking back to The Rules (which I've thrown out the window for the most part), if a guy I'm dating isn't trying to book time with me, then back to the dating drawing board I go!

So I basically spent this weekend acting like a single lady! Only...I didn't like it.

So that's where the picture above comes into play...

Haha sorry to fake you out though! It's not what you think. I have this cubic zirconia ring in my jewelry box and am tempted to start wearing it out after what happened this weekend... Basically four different guys tried to kiss me/do other things to me against my will and it came out of nowhere! A friend who was at the same concert as me randomly tried to make out with me - just jumped on me when we weren't even dancing with each other! Earlier on in the weekend a neighbor came into my apartment "for a minute," "to talk to the roommate" (even though I told him to go home because it was 5am and I was dead tired) and then proceeded to watch me brush my teeth, wash my face, etc. and he REFUSED to leave! I was half passing out but was PISSED at the same time. Then he laid on my bed. And would. not. leave. I'm still furious about it just typing this! Who does that?! It goes without saying that I didn't do anything with him, and never would, but this is all to say that the theme of the weekend was dumbass guys irking me to no end. (There were more examples but I won't get into them.)

I'm starting to see the need for labels and engagement rings here. (Not saying Arms and I are anywhere near that stage...) I have another guy to tell you about, but I'll save it for later. Basically, I've started logging back into Tinder, and Arms seems to have noticed and started talking to me much, much more again. I'm still not sure about how I feel about him and a future with him. Guess I might start casually talking to other guys unless I have something definite with him - which, as usual, is what I should have been doing anyway.

And now that I've thrown The Rules out, what do y'all have to say about contacting exes? I'm talking about Blue here. If I'm being honest, I miss him. He tried to reach out to me before Christmas but I ignored him. Not saying that anything will happen, but I just might send him a little text.

Part two and more

The morning after the wedding festivities were over, Arms picked me up to whisk me away to my second destination of the weekend. He was staying a few hours away, so we road-tripped the distance. I was exhausted from drinking and didn't feel like I was good company, but it was good to see him.

He hadn't really explored the area he was living in yet. He was taking a few days off of work so we could play around in the city, so we found a really cool bar to hit up to extend our weekend. I had a bitter and delicious Campari drink, but it only pushed me further into my sleepy spell. Our "night out" didn't make it much longer.

We spent the next couple days cooking for each other, trying restaurants, going to a museum, trying out public transportation, and seeing the sights. I felt like we didn't talk too much though. There was a lot of silence, and while it felt okay, later it had me questioning whether Arms is right for me or not. I'm a pretty quiet person, and need the right people to bring me out of my shell.

I bid him goodbye and flew back home not knowing what to think, but by the end of the week, I was missing him again. He flew home the next weekend, and our experience was totally different. Maybe I just felt comfortable with him over at my place, and us out exploring my city, or maybe it was the fact that I wasn't hungover, but things fell right back into place once he was visiting back home. We had an amazing dinner out, and we felt great being silly with each other.

I really missed him when he had to leave town again, but he'd be moving back in just a few more weeks -- which brings us to now and the present week.

He had a fun surprise for me the day before he got back. He told me he an exploding job offer at his temp location, 800 miles away from me, but didn't have an offer back home. He's back here with me for a couple months, and he finds out in the next couple days if staying here is possible. He's in a really specialized field, and there's a very limited number of places he can work. If he turns it down for my sake, he doesn't have any promise of a job. We know what a hefty bill grad school loans can run, so going where the job is might be a necessity.

It's hard to know what to think. The possibility that he won't be here has gotten my wheels turning, going over what I really have with him. He has almost every last thing that I can ask for in a guy. Things are secure with him, and I don't want to lose it. I know he doesn't want to lose me either, so he's also at a loss of what to do. He's trying to pull some strings here but is running out of time with this exploding offer. He says his schedule over there would leave him a lot of time to travel back to visit me, and he'd only have to stay there one year and then has a spot to come back.

Leaving is not an option for me, since I start grad school in a couple months. Isn't it crazy, after years of dating and going out with dozens of guys, that when you finally find the good one, this would happen? I'm at this place where I'm ready to stop partying, and I feel this sudden urge to be domesticated and spend my weekend nights chilling at home with my guy. I'm changing. And now? It really looks like I'll have to do long distance with the first guy I've been serious about. I think he's worth it, but honestly, I feel like I'll feel so alone without him here. I'll be wanting to go on dates, wanting to use him as an excuse for not staying out late drinking too much with the girls on a Friday, and feeling like we are so far apart because phones don't close the gap.

Time will tell, as usual. Probably tomorrow.

Two Cities, Two Adventures (Part One)

I traveled this weekend to meet up with a bunch of girlies for some bridal festivities. We had a night out on the town and I was quite impressed with the city, even though I adore where I live. One of the girls in our group had a very large chest -- it came up in a conversation that her bra size was much further along in the alphabet than "D" or even "DD." I didn't even know they made bras in that size.

A multitude of guys came up to congratulate the bride-to-be during the night (of course, she was decked out in a sash designating her as such, and all of us minions were in matching ensembles). At our second bar, an extremely gorgeous guy came up to talk to her and then chat up the rest of our group. A few of the girls in our crowd were acting very eager to talk to him, but I decided to act stuck up and ignore him unless he directly addressed me. I wanted to experiment with being a B and see how that would impact his interest in me.

He left us alone for a bit but ultimately gravitated back to us while we were deciding on our next destination. He decided to tag along with us. Fast forward an hour or so, and the gorgeous guy has made his choice. Can you guess who he chose? DD+ Girl. To be quite honest (and catty, sorry), she's a little below average as far as face/weight go. She just has a huge chest. He's grinding up behind her on the dance floor soon, and then they're kissing.

Even though I'd be meeting up with Arms the very next day, I was still jealous. I didn't necessarily want to even kiss this gorgeous stranger. I just wanted him to pick me. I guess I'm blessed to be small-chested in a way. I know guys aren't interested in me solely for my rack. And I don't want a guy who wants me for that anyway. Well, that's what I tried to tell myself about this guy, who was totally my type. He was likely only looking for a hook-up anyway, but it was a shock to me that he went for Miss DD+ over a couple other girls in our group who are much prettier. It was the first time it occurred to me that many guys I find attractive could be passing certain girls up for the larger-chested ladies... It was kind of a disheartening realization.

Obviously, not a big deal, but it was just on my mind. Arms updates to come in part two.

Make-or-Break Moment

So Arms and I have been talking for about two months, and two weeks into that, we first met in person.

Well, Arms is on to his next work assignment and will be temporarily out of the state for two months. Yes, you read that correctly...months! We had to say goodbye this past weekend. He walked me out to my car. It was quite cold outside, but we lingered for a long while, hugging to keep each other warm. He told me he wasn't ready to leave. We agreed that we did not want to release our hug (or stop kissing, hehe).

I haven't had an official boyfriend since high school - one where I 100% knew where we were exclusive. So Arms said the words I've never heard from a guy in my adult life:



      "So where are we wanting this to go?"



I seriously had no idea what to say. I often think too much before I say anything, but this time, in this moment full of opportunities, I opened my mouth too soon.

"I don't know, what are you thinking?"

So basically, I just gave all the power away, was vague myself, and left it in a guy's hands to Define The Relationship.

He didn't do too stellar a job with the defining task either. He reiterated the plans we already made - "I'll come to pick you up after the wedding [a few hours away from his new work site] in two weeks, and the week after, I'll come back here and see you [he has an interview here]."

So now I'm here, iced in at home for the past day and a half after Winter Storm Leon, and I'm missing him and bored, not sure how bad it would look to check into Tinder - where I met him and he can see my activity.

I deleted my OkCupid several weeks/months ago. I deleted my POF today.

I know he doesn't insult me. He wants to see me and makes regular plans to do so. He compliments me. He doesn't annoy me in any way and doesn't act inferior or superior. After being on the dating scene for the past three years, I spot so many things that he does right. He kisses well. He has a great body and an adorable, sincere smile. He makes me feel good. I can chitchat with him yet also not worry if there are silences. He's not a pickup artist. I still remember our first moments seeing each other in person, each of us blushing and smiling too much.

Is he going to be my man? I don't know.

Slow Walk Past the PB Aisle

One night last week I hit the grocery store after I was finished at the gym. I collected everything I needed, but at the last moment I remembered I wanted to check the price of my favorite almond butter - I'd noticed it had gone up two dollars at another store. I ducked into the peanut butter aisle, looked at the price (three dollars higher here!), and out of the corner of my eye, noticed a guy doing a double take. I ignored him and left as quickly as I'd came in.

When I reached the endcap, from the peanut butter aisle I hear the man exclaim, "Good God!"

"If you're not married, I need to take you out."

I paused and kept hiding at the endcap, caught off guard. He continued, "What will it be?"

I managed a feeble, "Maybe," then finally came back to join him after he repeated my statement.

I noticed him better this time. He was my type. He asked for my email address and we joked about our groceries.

I left him for the checkout line, later feeling guilty about exchanging contact info with someone after all the good things that have been going on with Arms. Mr. Peanut Butter (I'll call him PB) emailed me the next morning, but it was a busy day and I didn't write him back until the next afternoon. We exchanged one more round of emails within the next two days, and then things started getting a bit off.

His email started off polite but said our original date plans wouldn't work because he'd made another appointment. He eventually outright said:

You take too long to respond. It's like I'm trying to make plans with a "slow" person ;)

Then the email ended.

Then I noticed another email, written a few hours after the last.

Hey there Slow. You have a couple of options. 5pm at XX. Or 8pm at XYZ. What will it be, Slow?

I wasn't amused. His email was offensive. Childish. Impatient. Inconsiderate.

Did he ask if I'd had a busy week? No. If I didn't hear from an online dating prospect for a couple days, I wouldn't sweat it. He's busy and he'll write back if he's interested enough. Beyond that, each avenue of communication has its own inherent timeframe. Instant Messages are usually immediate. Texting is a little longer. Personal email timeframes are a little longer. I find that messages on online dating sites are often one, two, or more days apart. I don't have access to my personal email at work (we have wonky Wi-Fi) so I'd taken around 12 to 24 hours to respond to each of his messages - not out of the ordinary at all.

If PB had asked for my phone number (and not my email) in the first place, we might already be negotiating plans for date two.

Unfortunately, PB never got to see me again after that first meeting in the peanut butter aisle. Guess I am so "Slow" that it's going to take me literally an eternity to write him back.