Third date

I really need to think of a better name for the younger man, so I'm going to go with Cam - for no other reason than it seems like a hot guy name that would suit him. He mentioned getting together over the weekend, and we ended up starting a new TV series together and making cocktails. I wore my new Anthropologie shirt I am obsessed with, and he brought cookies his mom made, which I thought was cute.

It felt like too long since I had seen him. It had been almost two weeks because of holiday travel. I had forgotten how attracted I was to him; I found myself not looking at him as much as I wanted to because I was trying not to stare.

I really love sharing a TV series with someone, especially starting from episode one together. It was fun trading comments with Cam about the odd characters, and it was nice having someone to drink the boozy cocktails I love to make. We kept having side conversations too, but somehow Cam managed to keep up with most of the plot and fill me in on the parts I had missed.

On our first date, at the cocktail bar, Cam would occasionally dive in when I wasn't expecting it and plant a surprise kiss; I really liked it. This night, he did it again, and during the third episode, we gave up on the show, haha. I need to go back and see what I've missed, but if I end up liking it, I'm not sure if I should wait for him to keep watching or not. He stayed over that night, and I rested pretty well having him there.

Cam worked in New York City for a little while after graduation, so unless he had it already, he must have picked up some of that assertiveness guys are known for from there. I still love thinking about the line he used to make me stop and turn around at the bar on the night that we met. I almost don't want to write out what he said, because it would cheapen it, or reveal my identity (I know, I'm paranoid). He laughs that he "can't believe it worked," but I countered that it got my attention, it wasn't degrading, and it was clever. Plus he looked like someone I wanted to stop for.

I've been reading and watching a lot of Matthew Hussey's dating advice lately, which I have been loving and is actually very different from The Rules. Matthew emphasizes not waiting around for guys to talk to you - sometimes you have to create those opportunities and even be the one that starts the conversation (but still let him pursue you). Well, I had really been diving into his material. Even though I used to purposefully avoid talking to guys at bars because I didn't think I could take them seriously, I was starting to come around and plan to use some of Matthew's advice on guys at bars. But I keep thinking that I got lucky - Cam made it easy for me and spoke to me first.

Still, I am trying to remember to use the new things I've learned. For one, I think I did a good job of making Cam feel useful, because I left it to him to figure out how to change the source mode on our TV (it's new and I am legitimately TV-clueless) and later I asked him to carry a heavy box to my car.

I really like the guy. I may be starting to have feelings for one guy (Cam), but that doesn't mean I no longer feel compelled to cyber-stalk a different guy (Sam, ugh). I realized I hadn't looked at Sam's Instagram page before, and I was pleased to find that it is public. I was displeased to find that he has posted three pictures now with female classmate. Ew. I haven't seen or heard from Sam since school let out last semester, but next week, we're all back on campus again. I wonder if he'll ignore me in the halls in the coming weeks, because he and female classmate are more established and cozy now, or if he'll still flirt, for fun's sake or just for a backup plan. Either way, I don't know if it's to my advantage to remain kind, mock-innocent to his recent coupling, or to adopt a bitchy edge (which I somewhat feel entitled to take on, given our backstory), thus ensuring he does not receive any amount of ego boosting associated with me.

One of my best local friends is having a big birthday party in a couple weeks. The invite description is amazing and hilarious, and the party theme is prom of decades past. Dates are "highly encouraged." I don't know if I should ask Cam to prom, or if I should tell him about the party and hint that I wish someone would ask me to prom. The latter seems like the better idea.

Intrigue, intellect

I can hardly believe it, but the show is still on for the younger man and me. Despite not having the most "proper" beginning, I expected our first date would be a lot of fun; fun it most certainly was. I think there is something special here. I'm intrigued. I was out of town, playing in the snow this past week, but that tone of excitement lingered through the days following our date. Now that I'm back, we are going out again later this weekend. He is also officially a year older now, so that means I'm officially only robbing the cradle by three years.

I can have fun with Blue, but I'm ready to end it. We had another date that was fun and almost changed my mind, but then, a couple days after my date with the younger man, I went day drinking with Blue, a few coupled friends of his, and some of his family friends. I wanted to see how he interacted with them to really gauge the accuracy of my recent assessment of him. I think what's missing this time, even more so than the confidence issue, is the kind of intelligence I look for. That great, deep conversation does not seem like it will ever be there, and I'm starting to see more of a lack of common sense and general smarts/intellect. I suppose that when I dated Blue two years ago, yet kept gravitating towards/chasing Peter instead, that's what should have tipped me off that something major was missing with Blue. I sensed it at the beginning this time around too - that something was missing - because, again, I was very interested in other guys on the side. Alone, he has never felt like enough.

Being out of town this past week helped me start to pull away and distance myself from Blue. I would feel terrible disappearing without saying anything, because he has been very sweet, attentive, and chivalrous this time around. Instead I'm being less responsive, hoping he will either get the hint or call me out until I am forced to tell him I don't want to see him anymore.

Cougar-to-be?

I saw Sam at one of our school happy hours. Since he popped back up on my radar, he comes up to talk to me every time he sees me. This time, the female classmate was present too. I knew she would be there, so I was curious to see how he would handle a situation where the two of us girls were both at the same event as him. Clearly he knows he's being bad by talking to me: he didn't come up to talk to me once at this happy hour. He did, however, stand in the same small circle as female classmate several times at the event. Ugggh. He really is being loyal. I was hoping I could win this one or that he would drop her soon, and he's not. Again, it gives me more respect for him that he's loyal, but I'm annoyed at the same time.

I thought Ted was about to ask me out again, but nope. Lately we only talk every few days. The fact that he's not desperate increases his value in my eyes, although I wish he would show a little more interest. Maybe things will heat up with us soon. We always go out in the same areas on the weekend, so I hope the next time I catch up with him is on a date and not by running into him at a bar. He's still my favorite Tinder match ever. I keep hoping someone will pop up on the dating apps who is cuter than Ted, but nope. He is exactly my type.

So my birthday was recently, and now I'm noticing that the guys on the dating apps who are cutest in my eyes are a year or two younger than me. Oh no! Am I destined to be a cougar? At the bar this weekend, a guy started talking to me who was clearly younger than me, but I thought he was attractive. After a few minutes, it came out that he is four years younger! He said his birthday is this week though, so technically he's only three years younger...and I accidentally brought him home with me. Oops. The most hilarious part of this is that today he confirmed that we are actually going on a date. He wants to go to this really nice cocktail bar, too. He's fun to talk to so it should be fine. I doubt anything will come of this, but I do know I will not be bringing him home this time.

And then there's Blue. It's crazy how so much can change in two years. I was really happy that he was interested, serious about me, and taking me to nice places; I am also seeing him differently than I used to. I don't know if I didn't pick up on it back then, because I was less secure about myself, but Blue seems to be lacking confidence this time around. It makes me less attracted to him. I think part of it is confidence and part of it is that he doesn't seem to have much going on in his life that makes him excited and keeps him busy. His usual single guy buddy now has a girlfriend that he spends all his time with, leaving Blue without plans more often. We've gone out four times now, so I'm getting a good sense of how things might be with him. I'm going to at least see him once more, but I actually am not optimistic that things are going to pan out with us after all.

I told a girl friend that I needed her help assessing Blue, so I brought Blue out with my friend and her boyfriend. They confirmed a few of the things I mentioned above. Also, the last time I dated Blue, when I would introduce him to people, it was so attractive how social he was and how well he got along with everyone. This time, he didn't have much to say. I've heard people describe before that they are attracted to people who seem as if they are "bottomless" - people who have a lot of depth, opinions, people who you feel as if you could talk to forever and there would still be more to discover. I'm not sure I feel this way about Blue. All I know is I'm not going to let myself be taken on another long ride with someone I'm not crazy about.

Speaking of Formerly-Dreamy - he was at my gym this weekend. I was annoyed; he lives right by a different gym that is part of the same fitness chain. He knows which one is "my" gym, too, yet he showed up there anyway. It was extremely awkward seeing him, but at least I knew what to expect: he had told me that after he has a breakup, he does not want to speak to that girl ever again. Fine by me, especially in his case. Obnoxiously, he kept walking by the bike that I was obviously camped out on. I still did not think he was attractive. I was at least pleased that I happened to look on point that day. Eat your heart out, Dreamy.

The plot thickens

Sometimes close analysis of a guy's words and actions is actually helpful. This is one of those times. After having several flirtatious conversations with Sam this week, yet not hearing from him outside of school, I began to try and piece things together. What was going on? Why was he taking so long to concretely ask me out?

Then I realized that he actually hadn't suggested getting drinks again since the first time we talked in the hallway at school. The day after the cocktail event this weekend, I spotted a photo of several of my classmates on my Facebook feed. I almost kept scrolling right through, when I realized I had seen a tall guy with black hair in the background. I zoomed in on the photo, and it was him. It was Sam. And the female classmate was sitting right next to him, less than 24 hours after I had realized I did feel a connection with him.

It didn't take too much longer for it to occur to me: what if "Why didn't I ask you out before?" really meant, "Why didn't I ask you out before I started going on dates with female classmate?"

Oh.

So just like that, I put it together. He's fine flirting in person if our classmate isn't around, but he doesn't follow through because he knows that a date with me could possibly mean big trouble for him with this other girl. I admire and respect that he's being loyal to her. He seems like a player by the way he flirts, but if he doesn't follow through, at least that means he sticks with his girl. While I'm fine with dating several people at once, he's older, so maybe he has a different view on that. Or, maybe he would normally be fine with dating multiple people, but in this case, with dating two girls in the same business school class, there is a high likelihood they (i.e., we) would find out about each other quite quickly.

I'm sad all that excitement was probably for nothing. I doubt I'll see the guy much until 2016, because I won't be at school much for the rest of the year. I can hope that Sam and this girl will fizzle out by the time 2016 rolls around; she's definitely not the most attractive person, but she has a good personality going for her. I don't know though, part of me thinks I won't be single anymore by the time next semester begins.

And that brings me to my date with Blue last night. It was pretty amazing. He took me to a really nice restaurant, and things were just so easy with us. Talking to him was effortless, he looked great, he acted really interested, and I think he's ready for a girlfriend. He lives with his best friend, who has had a girlfriend for a while now, and I think this - plus the fact that he's two years more mature since the last time we dated - means he's on the prowl for something stable now too. Also, unlike Sam, lately Blue has been asking me out frequently. At the end of our date last night, he wanted to make plans for the same day he gets back in town from visiting his family for Thanksgiving.

So while I was disappointed to have this epiphany about Sam, I'm not going to let it stop me from being excited about Blue. It's nice to have an extremely gorgeous, fun guy express interest and try to be a regular part of my life (ahem, unlike Sam and Ted right now).

Stepping it up?

Blue finally asked me out to dinner last week. I hadn't seen him since Halloween weekend, so I was wondering what had taken him so long! We went out for wine and tapas and had a nice conversation. Our texts had been really cautious, so seeing each other made things easier; we could catch up properly without being afraid of asking certain questions.

He gave me a hug goodbye after dinner, and it surprised me a little when he said he would like to go out again, if I wasn't opposed to it. I'm not sure if he thought I might be opposed to it because he thought he had hurt me the way things ended last time or because he had thought I wasn't interested since I let him go when he stopped trying. I agreed, but my expectations are in check this time. I'm not even sure if he's the right guy for me; I am relieved that I find myself thinking about this realistically.

He asked me out for drinks on Friday, but I had plans and had to decline. The next time he texted me it was pretty confusing - he seemed almost afraid to ask. He asked if I was seeing anyone else and if we could go on a date. I thought our tapas night was a date? I guess it wasn't clear to him, and he wanted to define it. I agreed to a date, so we are going out tomorrow night.

Ted has been texting me daily, but I haven't seen him again. I would love to see him before Thanksgiving, but it looks like that won't happen. It took three months of Tinder messaging for him to finally ask me out, so I hope that's not how long I would have to wait around for for a second date.

I matched with a guy on Hinge who just started in my graduate program, Sam. We ran into each other at school for the first time a few weeks ago. He said he had seen me around school before. I had never noticed him before, though. I've mentioned it in previous posts, but I avoid eye contact with hot-looking guys when I walk by one; so it's likely we passed each other previously and I just never gave him a good look.

From our first conversation in the hallway, I thought there was chemistry. He asked if I wanted to get a drink with him soon, and I agreed, but he never followed up. I kind of got embarrassed by this and started avoiding him at school. This weekend, we had a school cocktail event, and a few hours prior to the event, a friend told me that Sam had recently been "hanging out" with one of our female classmates. I was surprised, since I had never thought of her as competition. It made me feel really awkward about potentially seeing Sam at the event.

Of course he was there. Again, I avoided him almost the entire time. At least the female classmate wasn't there. While I was at the bar, another new male student started chatting me up, and we talked for a while. At one point, Sam came up right next to me, so we finally greeted each other and quickly exchanged a few words. When this other kid started trying to dance with me, I made it clear I wasn't interested, and he left me alone. A little later, Sam finally came out to the dance floor, headed directly for me with a very seductive look in his eye. He has this look every time I see him.

We danced and talked for a while. There was a lot of chemistry. And then he asked me why I was so "weird" in the hall when we first met. I was shocked by this and asked what he meant, and eventually he admitted that it seemed like I wasn't interested. I had no idea I was acting that way in that moment. He also told me I had given him a death glare in the hallway the time after that, which I also had no idea I was doing. Oops. I told him I obviously couldn't control my face and that I hadn't meant it. Our whole conversation was really playful. It was so entertaining talking to him - it was like being around him magically gave me more energy. He's a smooth guy, I admit, but near the end of our conversation, he was like, "Why didn't I ask you out before?" I told him I didn't know - that was his problem.

I saw him in school again this morning, and it was really nice talking to him for just a few minutes. I am crushing hard right now. We're both staying in town for Thanksgiving, so I hope he actually asks me out instead of vaguely asking me out like he has several times now. Even if he turns out to be one of those charismatic, player-type guys, I think I would thoroughly enjoy spending a few hours out with him.

This Sam thing makes me wonder though: every time that things appear to get normal with Blue, why does another shiny object pop up and distract me?

Apparently I'm an expert at running into this guy

I don't go to clubs much these days, but that doesn't mean I'm getting more mature. Business school, limited responsibilities, and my single status mean that I'm back to acting like a younger version of myself. A couple of girl friends invited me to a club this weekend to see a DJ play, and I jumped on it, recalling the good times back from my club days. We danced a bunch, we laughed at some hipster guy's intentionally ridiculous (but hilarious) dance moves. I stood outside the men's room as my girl friends ran in, one of them shouting that she was using the urinal. Ridiculous and so inappropriate but I wouldn't trade it.

Eventually we decided to change the scenery and Uber back to our usual hangout spot, a cluster of dive bars. Continuing their silly behavior, my girl friends danced ridiculously through the bar as we searched for a spot to park ourselves. That's when my gaze zeroed in on Chase. Of course he was there, and this time it had nothing to do with my roomie's orchestration. Chase was buying his drink and didn't see me, so I stuck my rear out and ass-butted him as a greeting. Lee was there too and gave me a hug. Lee immediately wanted to start chatting with me about my two friends. They were still being silly and he was like, "Where did you meet these girls?! They look like so much fun!"

Compared to Lee, Chase remained fairly distant, and at some point I realized Chase was there with another girl. I hadn't talked to Chase since Halloween, when I texted him a picture of Lee dressed up as a girl. Chase's new arm candy was boring-looking in my opinion but wasn't unattractive. She looked a little like me (but while it's catty and immature, she was frankly dressed like a slob).

Lately my sentiment about Chase was that I loved our good times and the way he made me feel, but he had eventually bored me, partly from his inaction and partly because he stopped making me feel the way he initially made me feel. Lately my sentiment was that I still liked him as a person and that I might be friends with him at some point in the future because he was a fun drinking buddy. Yet seeing him that night, seeing him with another girl, made me loathe him in that moment. I kind of still feel that way.

I didn't think of it at the time, but later, for a few moments, I wished I had made out with Lee in front of Chase, just to spite him. I know my history with Lee was something that bothered Chase, and I wanted Chase to feel bothered. In hindsight, I'm glad I didn't do this or think of this at the time - it would be a new low of immaturity. I know I like a couple of my current options better than Chase, but still, seeing him with someone new got to me. And I was surprised it got to me. I thought I had mostly moved on and didn't care much about what Chase has been up to. I think the part that bothers me is knowing that he has moved on, knowing that he is putting some level of effort into another girl, which frankly he never did with me. With us, from his end, it was mostly accidental and convenience.

Thankfully, in addition to running into Chase at the bar, a bunch of our other girl friends were already there. I had so much fun with them that night and didn't let seeing Chase get me down. I don't even know why I felt like writing this - probably partially to clear my mind of the nagging thought of him on that night. I guess this is what closes the book on the Chase story.

My human teddy bear

Sometimes a guy totally surprises me, in that my initial intuitions were all wrong about him. Last week, Ted asked me on a real date - dinner and drinks. I couldn't believe it - a dinner date request from the guy who I thought I would only see out at the bar.

Based on his texts and the fact that he is an engineer, I expected him to be quiet and possibly awkward. Additionally, the only time I had seen him in person before this date was at a bar, when he was in his Halloween costume (which was fairly concealing), so I was looking forward to seeing him in regular clothes to assess his normal appearance.

Ted and I went out a couple of nights ago. I was relieved to see that, in his normal dress, he looked just like his pictures - he was really cute. (I call him Ted because he reminds me of a blond, human teddy bear. Awww.)

Also, I wasn't expecting him to be so chatty. He was a great conversationalist, and we had a lot in common in terms of lifestyle and things we like to do for fun. He wasn't awkward in the least. I must have smiled for the entire date.

We had only been communicating on the apps and hadn't exchanged numbers prior to the date. He didn't kiss me, so I headed home knowing I had a great time but unsure of his thoughts towards me. It seemed like he could have a decent time with almost any girl.

A little while after I had arrived back home, a message from Ted came in through the app. He said he had enjoyed his time with me and asked for my phone number, because he had forgotten to in person. The combination of items in his message made me feel a little giddy - they hit on exactly what I had wanted to hear. Furthermore, I was extremely impressed with him that he asked for my number. Since my last relationship, every single phone number exchange I've had via the dating apps has been the guy giving his number instead of asking for mine - annoying but a fact of life these days.

I also thought he could be a fratty player, but he was a gentleman the entire date - through his words and his actions. I'm excited about the fact that this is a guy I could have real dates with but who also goes to the same bars as my friends and me.

And what about Blue, you may be wondering? Well, he has vaguely asked me out (no time or date requested) and also requested that I take him "sometime" to this bar I've been telling him about. Our texts are pretty boring right now. I know I'm trying to take it slow and not assume anything, so my texts are very cautious - and I can sense the same thing from his. I read some of our texts from two years ago on my old phone, and it was definitely the old me back then: it seems like I asked him out a lot of the time. I'm not doing that this time, and I'm perfectly fine with waiting around for him to make a move. It's nice to feel content whether he is in my life or not.