I went downtown this weekend with my roommate Elle and her coworker Jay. We took the light rail because we knew we'd be drinking, and while Elle was fumbling with the ticket machine, my heart stopped when I saw Peter, a guy I used to date. It was only a couple of dates, but I was much more obsessed with him than I care to admit. I didn't get to know him too well, and it was two years ago, but I'm being literal when I say that he still crosses my mind daily.
He's the one who decided to stop talking to me, so I was super embarrassed to see him. Quickly I not so casually turned the opposite direction of Peter so I was facing Jay. I was in the clear - Peter hadn't seen me. When we walked down the train platform, I tried to lead my group as far down as possible so that Peter wouldn't have a chance of recognizing me. He and his friends ended up sitting one train car down from ours, so I was still safe.
I had several more glimpses of Peter as we were exiting the train into downtown. He still looked the same, blond and absolutely gorgeous. At this point I could tell he was very very drunk, but of course, since I think everything he does and says is perfect, I thought the drunkenness was endearing. He'd been polite and well-mannered on our dates, so it was funny to see him loud and with his guy friends.
My group caught the end of a live music event downtown, and as I started to exit the crowd, I saw Peter had been standing a few people behind me the whole time. I walked right by him - I was just inches away, but I avoided eye contact and he didn't seem to recognize me.
Jay, Elle, and I decided to go back uptown to go to the bars by our apartments. We went to this rooftop lounge for a little bit, when Jay gets a text from his friend Tanner. Jay tells us that Tanner was at the moment on a first date with a new girl and tells us the whole hilarious story of how Tanner asked the girl out. We were really excited when Tanner said he'd meet us at the lounge, because we wanted to ask him all the details about the date.
I've briefly met Tanner once before, but it was so brief (and dark) I'd forgotten about it. I was really bummed when he got to the lounge, because I didn't remember that he was smoking hot. I was even sadder when he was telling us the date went really well. He's exactly the type I go for - blond, smart, confident, and gorgeous. He and Jay each bought the group a round of shots, so I was feeling pretty good by the time we headed to the next bar.
Jay and Elle got into their own conversation, and Tanner and I have some career aspirations in common so we started talking about that. Jay got us another round of shots so the nerves around gorgeous Tanner were nonexistent at this point. We discussed where to go next and agreed on a really fun but fratty bar with a huge dance floor. I was really excited because I was so ready to dance at this point. Somehow Jay and Elle were trailing behind, so Tanner and I got to the fratty bar first, got drinks, and headed to the dance floor. He immediately wanted to dance with me, so I was excited about that, and he took it down low and everything so it was quite amusing.
All of a sudden, Tanner was kissing me. I had no idea if Jay and Elle could see us, but he kept dipping me low and spinning me and stuff, and my beer cup was really full so I kept spilling beer all over both of us. Thankfully he didn't care, and we were barely there for 15 minutes before Tanner said he was ready to leave. Without saying a word to Jay or Elle, he leads me outside, and we hop into a cab headed back to his place...
Haha so that happened. He told me he'd felt bad about everyone asking the details of his date once he saw that I was there (!), and I, in an uncharacteristic manner that can be attributed to alcohol, told him I was disappointed when I'd heard he just went on a date because I thought he was gorgeous. He gave me lots of compliments, and it was an excellent time. It was nice to have some excitement after not being drunk/brave enough to approach Peter earlier in the evening.
I had to work so Tanner drove me home in the morning, but as I was getting out of the car, he said he had a good time and mumbled something about going out again, but then... He didn't ask for my number! He's too hot to let go, so I asked for his. I haven't texted him yet - I don't know what to say. I know he's interested in actually dating because he took out that other girl (to a really nice restaurant too). But...he has a second date with her, and I don't know if he is categorizing me as a one-time hookup or someone he'd date. I had a really fun time during our escapades, but I hate this uncertain feeling when nighttime choices like this happen! Do y'all have any advice for how I should proceed with him??
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Personal Space Invader
Back when I was dating Paolo, I kind of felt like my life was "set." I didn't feel the need to make plans with friends as often anymore, and I would keep my weekends open until Paolo and I had our dates scheduled. I drifted away from so many people - I was so content from being around him that not too much else mattered to me.
Now that we've broken up, I've been going out a lot. It's nice to do whatever I want, knowing that I'm 110% single. I loooove going out dancing, so not too long after the breakup, a girlfriend and I went to a new club and danced it up. We went to another strip of bars after, and I danced like a crazy woman (I am so awesome at this particular dancing technique) until we closed out the bar. Soon after some really tall dude put his hands on my shoulders (couldn't decide whether it was hot-aggressive or creepy-aggressive) and started a conversation. We talked for less than 60 seconds before I had to leave to jump in our taxi, and I hesitated to give him my number, but he insisted so I did it.
He was kind of goofy when he texted me later in the weekend, but it seemed friendly and not flirty. When he suggested we hit up a Mexican place for margaritas on a weeknight, I took it as just fun times hanging out with a new friend.
When I walked into the bar, Tall Dude was already there. He came up front to meet me and then led me back to where he was camped out, but the chair he pulled out for me was so close to his. I tried to pull away a little bit without being obvious, but we were still sitting way too close to each other. In less than five minutes of being there, he's holding my hand. At that point I was really like, WTF?! Holding hands is so cute when you adore a guy, but I was so creeped out. The conversation kind of stopped flowing because I just lost interest. I decided I was not into him like that, and I'd come mentally prepared to meet a new friend, not for a date.
After 45 minutes at the first bar, he suggested we go to a different place up the road. We walked outside, and after only 46 minutes of knowing me he decides to kiss me. He's so effing tall, and his stature so overpowering, that there was nothing I could do. I kept my mouth shut and waited for it to be over. I thought it would have been really bitchy to split after being with him for such a short time, so I followed him in my car to the next bar. Several times while I was driving, I considered turning around and just going home.
Normally I am so good at saying no to guys, and I hate this, but after 20 minutes at the next bar (I ordered water instead of alcohol, hahaha), he suggested we go to his apartment right behind the bar. I tell him I'm tired, I really need to go to bed, that I need to get up at 6, etc., but he's not having it. "I'm just going to show you that YouTube video I was telling you about - you have to see it, and right after that you can leave!" he says. I tell him fine, but I can only stay for five minutes.
The video was boring as hell, and it was definitely at least five minutes (of martial arts). (I even tried to sit on a different couch than him but he made me sit next to him...ughh no...) His life revolves around martial arts and I find it bone-dry boring. After hearing him talk, I might even hate it as much as I hate football (although I know myself well enough that if it were coming from my dream guy, there would be no ill feelings). Tall Dude introduced me to his hot roommate, which was exciting, but I was quickly let down when Hot Roommate's girlfriend came downstairs so they could leave - leaving Tall Dude and I, unfortunately, alone. Of course, I see Hot Roommate drive away in a freaking Porsche. Damn! (Tall Dude drives something dumpy and not even close to a Porsche.)
Quickly I told Tall Dude I needed to leave, and he tried to kiss me again. I stood still and endured the kiss for a few seconds, but decided I would never see him again so I should test how he is at making out. I tried to get into it, but he sucked, so I left and never responded to any of his text messages again.
I totally understand if you're drunk at a bar/club and pretty quickly get "friendly" with a guy - but if you're sober, didn't agree your meeting was a date, and you've known the guy for less than 10 minutes, a guy trying physical gestures that suggest you're a couple is not okay. Just creepy and gross!
Now that we've broken up, I've been going out a lot. It's nice to do whatever I want, knowing that I'm 110% single. I loooove going out dancing, so not too long after the breakup, a girlfriend and I went to a new club and danced it up. We went to another strip of bars after, and I danced like a crazy woman (I am so awesome at this particular dancing technique) until we closed out the bar. Soon after some really tall dude put his hands on my shoulders (couldn't decide whether it was hot-aggressive or creepy-aggressive) and started a conversation. We talked for less than 60 seconds before I had to leave to jump in our taxi, and I hesitated to give him my number, but he insisted so I did it.
He was kind of goofy when he texted me later in the weekend, but it seemed friendly and not flirty. When he suggested we hit up a Mexican place for margaritas on a weeknight, I took it as just fun times hanging out with a new friend.
When I walked into the bar, Tall Dude was already there. He came up front to meet me and then led me back to where he was camped out, but the chair he pulled out for me was so close to his. I tried to pull away a little bit without being obvious, but we were still sitting way too close to each other. In less than five minutes of being there, he's holding my hand. At that point I was really like, WTF?! Holding hands is so cute when you adore a guy, but I was so creeped out. The conversation kind of stopped flowing because I just lost interest. I decided I was not into him like that, and I'd come mentally prepared to meet a new friend, not for a date.
After 45 minutes at the first bar, he suggested we go to a different place up the road. We walked outside, and after only 46 minutes of knowing me he decides to kiss me. He's so effing tall, and his stature so overpowering, that there was nothing I could do. I kept my mouth shut and waited for it to be over. I thought it would have been really bitchy to split after being with him for such a short time, so I followed him in my car to the next bar. Several times while I was driving, I considered turning around and just going home.
Normally I am so good at saying no to guys, and I hate this, but after 20 minutes at the next bar (I ordered water instead of alcohol, hahaha), he suggested we go to his apartment right behind the bar. I tell him I'm tired, I really need to go to bed, that I need to get up at 6, etc., but he's not having it. "I'm just going to show you that YouTube video I was telling you about - you have to see it, and right after that you can leave!" he says. I tell him fine, but I can only stay for five minutes.
The video was boring as hell, and it was definitely at least five minutes (of martial arts). (I even tried to sit on a different couch than him but he made me sit next to him...ughh no...) His life revolves around martial arts and I find it bone-dry boring. After hearing him talk, I might even hate it as much as I hate football (although I know myself well enough that if it were coming from my dream guy, there would be no ill feelings). Tall Dude introduced me to his hot roommate, which was exciting, but I was quickly let down when Hot Roommate's girlfriend came downstairs so they could leave - leaving Tall Dude and I, unfortunately, alone. Of course, I see Hot Roommate drive away in a freaking Porsche. Damn! (Tall Dude drives something dumpy and not even close to a Porsche.)
Quickly I told Tall Dude I needed to leave, and he tried to kiss me again. I stood still and endured the kiss for a few seconds, but decided I would never see him again so I should test how he is at making out. I tried to get into it, but he sucked, so I left and never responded to any of his text messages again.
I totally understand if you're drunk at a bar/club and pretty quickly get "friendly" with a guy - but if you're sober, didn't agree your meeting was a date, and you've known the guy for less than 10 minutes, a guy trying physical gestures that suggest you're a couple is not okay. Just creepy and gross!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Pacific Dates
I had a pretty good Valentine's Day. I was worried that if I didn't have something planned, I'd just stay home alone crying over Paolo. I'm going to call the new boy I mentioned in the last post "Pacific Guy." Having a second date on V-Day wasn't awkward as I feared it might be. With the "keeping it casual" mindset, we went to a pub. It ended up being quiet there and actually quite hilarious... It seemed as if it was Senior Citizen Night at the bar or something - so many older couples. One elderly duo was particularly amusing - the wife was sitting on a bar stool and her husband was rolled up to the bar in his wheelchair. Looking back, it would have been awesome to buy them a shot and pose with them for a V-Day group photo.
I was kind of sold on Pacific Guy after the first date but after the second I've stepped back a little. We had a great time though and things ended up getting hot by the end of the night. ;) He also started doing this thing that is just the sweetest gesture ever - he'll take my hand and intertwine our fingers, then kiss the top of my fingers. I don't know what a swoon physically looks like but that's what I was doing inside! But we'll have to see how things go. I'm not sure I feel like I can be myself and share myself around him, but it is a little early to tell.
I said I'd write about our first date as well. His pictures online were very endearing but our messaging conversations left me wondering about what he'd be like in person. I was very pleased when I first laid eyes on him. He was cuter in person and was dressed well. By the end of the night, I had also decided he had a pretty hot voice. I wasn't feeling very clever or talkative that night for some reason (my normal first date persona is usually #winning as Courtney Robertson would say), so I was worried things would be awkward; however, Pacific Guy liked to talk and it was a pleasant surprise. He was definitely winning me over and made statements that he was feeling really good and excited about us. He's also good at saying the right things (I'm not).
We talked at the bar, tried some local beers, played some bar games, and then walked to a second bar (one of my old favorites in the area). Then, we were that couple. I've never been into PDA unless I think the guy I'm with would be widely accepted as good looking (sounds shallow, I know). So we kept getting closer and closer while we were talking and eventually totally made out in the middle of a crowded bar. He has this genuine, caring look about him when he kisses me. It makes me think he may be sincere.
I've started thinking about Paolo a little again and all the "what ifs." I'm sad to have lost him and that I've had to let go of all the hopes for what could have been between us. No use dwelling on it, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about Paolo. I did not Facebook stalk him while we were dating (such self-control I have!) but totally have gone all out since and it makes me miserable when I do it. The sad thing is, his work life kept him so busy, so I don't know how much of an impact I had on him. I thought about him constantly when we were dating, but I don't know if he'll miss me or ever think of me, or try to get in contact. I do have a few of his things still so I suppose we'll speak again.
What's really important to me now is to figure out what Pacific Guy really wants. I'm all for having fun in the moment, but I want to invest my time in someone who will be important in my future - not in a guy who will just be in my life "for now." I never asked those questions of Paolo, but eventually found out what I needed to know when we broke up. Paolo couldn't give me his time, full attention, or commitment. He's taught me a lot of new things about what I want in a guy, and I knew exactly what I wanted when I started seeing him. With Pacific Guy, I'm seeing good things that were missing with Paolo - specifically, that he seems to want companionship like I do.
This post is getting unhealthy - too much overanalyzing for one day. Have a great Sunday evening!
I was kind of sold on Pacific Guy after the first date but after the second I've stepped back a little. We had a great time though and things ended up getting hot by the end of the night. ;) He also started doing this thing that is just the sweetest gesture ever - he'll take my hand and intertwine our fingers, then kiss the top of my fingers. I don't know what a swoon physically looks like but that's what I was doing inside! But we'll have to see how things go. I'm not sure I feel like I can be myself and share myself around him, but it is a little early to tell.
I said I'd write about our first date as well. His pictures online were very endearing but our messaging conversations left me wondering about what he'd be like in person. I was very pleased when I first laid eyes on him. He was cuter in person and was dressed well. By the end of the night, I had also decided he had a pretty hot voice. I wasn't feeling very clever or talkative that night for some reason (my normal first date persona is usually #winning as Courtney Robertson would say), so I was worried things would be awkward; however, Pacific Guy liked to talk and it was a pleasant surprise. He was definitely winning me over and made statements that he was feeling really good and excited about us. He's also good at saying the right things (I'm not).
We talked at the bar, tried some local beers, played some bar games, and then walked to a second bar (one of my old favorites in the area). Then, we were that couple. I've never been into PDA unless I think the guy I'm with would be widely accepted as good looking (sounds shallow, I know). So we kept getting closer and closer while we were talking and eventually totally made out in the middle of a crowded bar. He has this genuine, caring look about him when he kisses me. It makes me think he may be sincere.
I've started thinking about Paolo a little again and all the "what ifs." I'm sad to have lost him and that I've had to let go of all the hopes for what could have been between us. No use dwelling on it, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about Paolo. I did not Facebook stalk him while we were dating (such self-control I have!) but totally have gone all out since and it makes me miserable when I do it. The sad thing is, his work life kept him so busy, so I don't know how much of an impact I had on him. I thought about him constantly when we were dating, but I don't know if he'll miss me or ever think of me, or try to get in contact. I do have a few of his things still so I suppose we'll speak again.
What's really important to me now is to figure out what Pacific Guy really wants. I'm all for having fun in the moment, but I want to invest my time in someone who will be important in my future - not in a guy who will just be in my life "for now." I never asked those questions of Paolo, but eventually found out what I needed to know when we broke up. Paolo couldn't give me his time, full attention, or commitment. He's taught me a lot of new things about what I want in a guy, and I knew exactly what I wanted when I started seeing him. With Pacific Guy, I'm seeing good things that were missing with Paolo - specifically, that he seems to want companionship like I do.
This post is getting unhealthy - too much overanalyzing for one day. Have a great Sunday evening!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Countdown
My past two Valentine's Days have been awful. I know myself well enough as a dater now that "not doing" Valentine's Day is a dealbreaker if you're a guy dating me (semi-seriously, that is).
It's not about the extras. I don't want them. It's about thinking a girl is special enough for you to set aside other plans and just spend time with her on February 14th. Each of the guys I dated ended up getting dumped not too long after they made me feel just not special at all on V-Day. This year I was so nervous to bring up V-Day with the guy I'd been dating for six months, only to have it taken off the table when he decided he didn't need me anymore. We stopped seeing each other just weeks before V-Day, and one of the first things I thought about after the breakup was that I wouldn't have a valentine!
However, as I am a woman who likes to make things happen, not only have I met a new incredible guy just days after my breakup, but we also have a casual Valentine's date planned. On one hand, I'm excited, and on the other, I'm feeling a little awkward and under pressure. I don't want to ruin our vibe though - we had a fantastic first date and we were both really excited about our next. But how the V-Day date got scheduled is just embarrassing...
We were trying to figure out when to see each other next, and he threw out a couple days he'd be free this week, including the Thursday that happened to be V-Day. I thought maybe it was a hint that he wanted to make plans to be my special valentine, so I tried to take the awkward burden off of him and broach the subject myself. I texted him, "We should do a Valentine's date...It would be fun!" I sweated and panicked and second-guessed myself nanoseconds after I pressed send, then heard back, "Oh really, that's Valentine's? Didn't even realize." He asked if that would be awkward (since we just met) but we agreed to keep things super chill, so I think I'm excited. Two weeks ago I was freaking out about not having a valentine...but now I'm freaking out that he might feel awkward! Privileged girl problems, I know...
I'll let you know how this goes, and don't worry, I won't deprive you of the juicy details about our first date either!
It's not about the extras. I don't want them. It's about thinking a girl is special enough for you to set aside other plans and just spend time with her on February 14th. Each of the guys I dated ended up getting dumped not too long after they made me feel just not special at all on V-Day. This year I was so nervous to bring up V-Day with the guy I'd been dating for six months, only to have it taken off the table when he decided he didn't need me anymore. We stopped seeing each other just weeks before V-Day, and one of the first things I thought about after the breakup was that I wouldn't have a valentine!
However, as I am a woman who likes to make things happen, not only have I met a new incredible guy just days after my breakup, but we also have a casual Valentine's date planned. On one hand, I'm excited, and on the other, I'm feeling a little awkward and under pressure. I don't want to ruin our vibe though - we had a fantastic first date and we were both really excited about our next. But how the V-Day date got scheduled is just embarrassing...
We were trying to figure out when to see each other next, and he threw out a couple days he'd be free this week, including the Thursday that happened to be V-Day. I thought maybe it was a hint that he wanted to make plans to be my special valentine, so I tried to take the awkward burden off of him and broach the subject myself. I texted him, "We should do a Valentine's date...It would be fun!" I sweated and panicked and second-guessed myself nanoseconds after I pressed send, then heard back, "Oh really, that's Valentine's? Didn't even realize." He asked if that would be awkward (since we just met) but we agreed to keep things super chill, so I think I'm excited. Two weeks ago I was freaking out about not having a valentine...but now I'm freaking out that he might feel awkward! Privileged girl problems, I know...
I'll let you know how this goes, and don't worry, I won't deprive you of the juicy details about our first date either!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Barf
Recently I realized I am way too much of a daydreamer, in terms of dating at least. I start dreaming way too far into the future and honestly lose touch with reality. Next, I become disappointed when reality slaps me fresh in the face, greeting me with the fact that my daydream is not quite the same thing as my real life. I finally found the guy I've been looking for for a long time, and we were dating for almost half a year (this is long for me - I ditch 'em fast if I'm not into it). Unfortunately, I didn't ask the right questions, and I made optimistic assumptions about things between us based on the fact "that we had made it this long." I started imagining future vacations and one day going house shopping. In the dating world, I split from someone the moment I know I don't want to be with the guy; however, I just found out he's the opposite in dating - he holds on too long when he knows he wants to end things.
He just started acting weird and I didn't say anything at first. Finally I confront him and find that things are different than I thought. And now we're broken up. The past almost-six months had been really busy, and I was so looking forward to this time where things were going to cool down and we were going to get to spend a lot more time together. Now that he finally had the time to give, he realized he didn't want to spend it on dating anyone.
I don't understand his thinking at all, but I'm not about to force a guy to be with me if he doesn't feel like it. I want him to want me. It's awful to me that I've been spending time being excited about a guy that honestly didn't want to be seeing me anymore. It's sick to me to care about someone who doesn't care back.
I want a guy in my life to be there for me, but I don't ask for a lot. I'm entirely too independent. But I don't want to go to things alone anymore. I want to have some sort of constant on the weekends, someone to relax with after work, someone to plan trips with and suffer through family events with.
But those are things he doesn't want right now.
So I'm back to square one. Barf is that feeling you get when you realize you have to start logging back onto OkCupid again.
(I took a day and a half to be hysterical and upset. But then I did log back on, and now I happen to have my next first date all set up. We'll see...)
He just started acting weird and I didn't say anything at first. Finally I confront him and find that things are different than I thought. And now we're broken up. The past almost-six months had been really busy, and I was so looking forward to this time where things were going to cool down and we were going to get to spend a lot more time together. Now that he finally had the time to give, he realized he didn't want to spend it on dating anyone.
I don't understand his thinking at all, but I'm not about to force a guy to be with me if he doesn't feel like it. I want him to want me. It's awful to me that I've been spending time being excited about a guy that honestly didn't want to be seeing me anymore. It's sick to me to care about someone who doesn't care back.
I want a guy in my life to be there for me, but I don't ask for a lot. I'm entirely too independent. But I don't want to go to things alone anymore. I want to have some sort of constant on the weekends, someone to relax with after work, someone to plan trips with and suffer through family events with.
But those are things he doesn't want right now.
So I'm back to square one. Barf is that feeling you get when you realize you have to start logging back onto OkCupid again.
(I took a day and a half to be hysterical and upset. But then I did log back on, and now I happen to have my next first date all set up. We'll see...)
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Gym stalker
I thought the gym was a bad place to find romance. Yeah, there can be plenty of eye candy there, but usually few people talk to someone new/arrange a date with someone met at the gym. No one had ever approached me at the gym before...until this guy.
While heading to the locker room one evening, this guy taps on my shoulder and asks to see my headphones. He says he's ordering some online that look similar to mine and he wants to check mine out. I tell him mine are at least 10 years old and are nothing fancy. Immediately I thought this was a sketchy conversation starter on his part, because mine look grungy. The ear foam is half fallen off and some of the plastic is broken.
I quickly grab my headphones back after he's listened to the sound and get myself back to the locker room.
The next evening, he's there again. He introduces himself as Pedro. He says he's 27. He's Hispanic, on the shorter side, quite skinny, and has braces. I tell him my name and he starts following me around the gym. He asks me to show him some of my workouts. I tell him I'm not a personal trainer or anything but know plenty of exercises. I joke that he has to cough up the dollars if he wants me to show him anything. I tell him my rate is $200/hour.
He tries to make conversation as he follows me around, asking when I usually come to the gym, how often I work out, etc.
He starts showing up every night before I get there and leaving after I do. I am quite independent and grow sick of having this little puppy dog follow me around night after night. I love workouts because it's my alone time, it's for me.
Just simple words with him are becoming irritating, so I start trying to throw him off. He asks me what I do for fun, and I tell him that I eat boogers. I asks me what my favorite movies are, and I tell him Barney, Baby Bop, and Sesame Street. He continues to ask stupid small talk questions while I just grunt or give ridiculous half-ass, two word answers.
Soon I just stop talking to him, to give him the hint. He doesn't get it. I notice that often he just looks me up and down while I lift weights, and he doesn't lift a finger. So I decide to just say rude things to him - tell him to hurry up, tell him he's being lazy while I sweat, etc. It bothers me the way he looks at me. As the days go on, I insist he owes my $200/hour for all the "sessions" he's followed me for. I walk fast as a lunatic to get away from him, to the other sides of the gym, but he follows me. Soon I start telling him to just go away - especially after one day he tells me he's sick and he still follows me around. I say not to look at me, to face the other direction of where I'm working out, not to stand so close, blah blah.
One night he follows me out to my car when I'm leaving. I stop and say I forgot where I parked, hopefully to get him to keep on moving so he doesn't see what I drive. My plan doesn't work and he hesitates right there with me. I tell him to leave me alone and start walking in the opposite direction of where I know my car is, but he just runs after me. Finally I give up and head to the parking deck back to my car. He follows and I wordlessly try to shut the door. He holds it open and tries to hug me goodbye while I yell, "Don't touch me!" He gets his head in the car and tries to kiss me. I push his ass out of there and speed away, pissed as hell.
I don't know if it's a language barrier or what, but I don't care. He may not have as large a brain as I do, but I don't care. Sexual harassment is a global concept, and I made it clear I don't even have a desire to speak to him as a friend, yet he continued to push.
I start working out at my apartment more. I wordlessly avoid him at our next gym encounter. He follows me to every area I go in the gym. So, without words, I march straight to the front desk, as I should have a week ago. I quietly but with a rush of adrenaline tell the staff member this guy is sexually harassing me, following me when I tell him not to, disrupting my workouts, and continues to look me up and down and stand too close to me.
The staff guy tells me he'll have a word with Pedro. I stand to the side. Pedro walks away after their exchange. Staff guy says Pedro won't be bothering me anymore and that he has been given a warning, and if he does one more thing that makes me uncomfortable, his gym membership would be revoked.
Pedro never spoke to me again, although I continued to see him there nightly for about two more weeks. Luckily, I moved to another part of town and started going to a different gym.
Talk about not being able to take rejection. I hope he never gets a date in his life. But with that kind of game, I truthfully don't think he will.
While heading to the locker room one evening, this guy taps on my shoulder and asks to see my headphones. He says he's ordering some online that look similar to mine and he wants to check mine out. I tell him mine are at least 10 years old and are nothing fancy. Immediately I thought this was a sketchy conversation starter on his part, because mine look grungy. The ear foam is half fallen off and some of the plastic is broken.
I quickly grab my headphones back after he's listened to the sound and get myself back to the locker room.
The next evening, he's there again. He introduces himself as Pedro. He says he's 27. He's Hispanic, on the shorter side, quite skinny, and has braces. I tell him my name and he starts following me around the gym. He asks me to show him some of my workouts. I tell him I'm not a personal trainer or anything but know plenty of exercises. I joke that he has to cough up the dollars if he wants me to show him anything. I tell him my rate is $200/hour.
He tries to make conversation as he follows me around, asking when I usually come to the gym, how often I work out, etc.
He starts showing up every night before I get there and leaving after I do. I am quite independent and grow sick of having this little puppy dog follow me around night after night. I love workouts because it's my alone time, it's for me.
Just simple words with him are becoming irritating, so I start trying to throw him off. He asks me what I do for fun, and I tell him that I eat boogers. I asks me what my favorite movies are, and I tell him Barney, Baby Bop, and Sesame Street. He continues to ask stupid small talk questions while I just grunt or give ridiculous half-ass, two word answers.
Soon I just stop talking to him, to give him the hint. He doesn't get it. I notice that often he just looks me up and down while I lift weights, and he doesn't lift a finger. So I decide to just say rude things to him - tell him to hurry up, tell him he's being lazy while I sweat, etc. It bothers me the way he looks at me. As the days go on, I insist he owes my $200/hour for all the "sessions" he's followed me for. I walk fast as a lunatic to get away from him, to the other sides of the gym, but he follows me. Soon I start telling him to just go away - especially after one day he tells me he's sick and he still follows me around. I say not to look at me, to face the other direction of where I'm working out, not to stand so close, blah blah.
One night he follows me out to my car when I'm leaving. I stop and say I forgot where I parked, hopefully to get him to keep on moving so he doesn't see what I drive. My plan doesn't work and he hesitates right there with me. I tell him to leave me alone and start walking in the opposite direction of where I know my car is, but he just runs after me. Finally I give up and head to the parking deck back to my car. He follows and I wordlessly try to shut the door. He holds it open and tries to hug me goodbye while I yell, "Don't touch me!" He gets his head in the car and tries to kiss me. I push his ass out of there and speed away, pissed as hell.
I don't know if it's a language barrier or what, but I don't care. He may not have as large a brain as I do, but I don't care. Sexual harassment is a global concept, and I made it clear I don't even have a desire to speak to him as a friend, yet he continued to push.
I start working out at my apartment more. I wordlessly avoid him at our next gym encounter. He follows me to every area I go in the gym. So, without words, I march straight to the front desk, as I should have a week ago. I quietly but with a rush of adrenaline tell the staff member this guy is sexually harassing me, following me when I tell him not to, disrupting my workouts, and continues to look me up and down and stand too close to me.
The staff guy tells me he'll have a word with Pedro. I stand to the side. Pedro walks away after their exchange. Staff guy says Pedro won't be bothering me anymore and that he has been given a warning, and if he does one more thing that makes me uncomfortable, his gym membership would be revoked.
Pedro never spoke to me again, although I continued to see him there nightly for about two more weeks. Luckily, I moved to another part of town and started going to a different gym.
Talk about not being able to take rejection. I hope he never gets a date in his life. But with that kind of game, I truthfully don't think he will.
Monday, December 17, 2012
The Audacity
Retelling this story, the idea of what this guy was thinking gets more and more ridiculous.
Several years ago, I was dating this guy I wasn't totally sure about. My current practice is a harsh but necessary process in which I immediately get rid of a guy the moment I discover we aren't going to work. (That is another story, but I highly recommend this tactic - it has worked great for me and ensures that not a further moment of either person's time is wasted.)
Back to the original story now. Let's call this guy "Herbert" for the present. I met Herbert at church. He asked me if I was seeing anyone (I wasn't) and we made a date from there. The ensuing few dates went fine, but I wasn't the mature young woman that I am now. I had many doubts but kept going along with the guy for a few weeks. Most of the moments in our time together would be too boring to recount, so I'm going to jump ahead.
It's about five weeks in since we met. Herbert and I are having one of our usual nighttime phone conversations. He ends up working in the following words over the phone:
"So what do you think about marrying me someday? Do you think that's something that could work?"
Now, I'd hate to give away my age here. So just imagine yourself as you once were, your most naive self, one who just started entertaining the idea of going on dates. That was me. I'd only really had one relationship at this point, and it was hardly serious. In my head, to answer Herbert's question, I was saying, "WTH?! What are you talking about? Me? Marriage? Ummmmmm..."
Unfortunately I don't recall what I told him; I do know that brushed him off, with the idea that I hadn't ever even entertained the idea of marrying someone and it was far too ridiculous to even think about thinking about it. I didn't outright reject him; rather, I changed the subject in a way that didn't put the possibility of marrying me completely out of his mind.
And we're fast-forwarding again. It's a holiday weekend and my female friend Britney and I are the some of the few people left in town. Herbert happens to be in town, with his family visiting. So between Herbert and I we round up a group to spend a night out together. We hit up a pub, play some pool, walk around in the cold a bit, I put together that he's in such a rush to get married because his several-years-younger brother is engaged...and that's that. I don't think much more of it.
Herbert is sitting on my bed one day. He pats a space close next to him and asks me to sit down. He takes my hand gently. He says, "M, I really like you. Much, much more than I should or ever thought I would. You're beautiful, you're sweet, you're smart, [blah blah blah]... I do have something I have to tell you, though."
He continues, "I've been thinking a lot. You know I overthink and analyze everything. I've lost sleep over this, and I've given it a lot of thought: You know your friend Britney, right?"
I nod yes.
"Well, like I said, M, I like you too much, I think," he pauses, "but I respect you enough to let you know that I really liked Britney. She's a person with whom I could spend the rest of my life."
Meanwhile I'm thinking, why is this guy going on and on to me about Britney?
He presents the catch: "M, I think I have to ask her what she thinks about starting a relationship with me. I can't in good faith continue to see you when I might be passing up this opportunity."
I asked him where that would leave us. So, what, are we done here? He says, "No no no, I just don't want you to think of this for now. We'll just go on as if nothing has changed. I'll talk to Britney this week and we can go from there."
Like I said originally, I wasn't sold on him. I didn't mention this before, but he's not much of a looker. He's a kind that looks fine at first, and you remember his face in a good light, but the more and more you see him the more feminine he looks; also, too skinny, too hairy, a little pale, and a butt chin to boot.
The more I "analyzed" it, the more I realized that mentally I was done with him, and pretty much unscathed.
We talked little the week leading up to this meeting. The "date" was set - his one-on-one serious talk with Britney would be right after his and my classes were done for the week. Britney had no clue what to expect.
While I knew they'd be meeting, I busied myself in my apartment - cruising the internet, making yummy snacks, doing nothing productive in particular, chitchatting on the phone with one of my loveliest friends...
And I hear a knock on the door.
I lower my phone chat to above a whisper. I'm not expecting anyone. The knocking persists.
"M! M!"
It's a guy's voice. I look through the peephole. It's good ole Herbert, impeccably (not) dressed in an oversized and very, very purple T-shirt. Hmmm. Hmmmmmmm. Am I supposed to drool now? And how did he get in?! You had to get past security to enter the apartment.
I decide to hang up with lovely face and open the door, frankly because I'm quite curious to hear just what butt-chin-face has to say now.
Well, what he had to say was this:
"HEY!" (imagine a little overenthusiasm here) "Want to watch a basketball game?"
Nevermind the fact that he knows watching sports, for me, is the absolute last thing on my Fun Things To Do list. I pause. "Um, what about Britney?" He's not quite making an offer I'd want to take him up on.
"Let's just forget about her. Come on, let's go watch the game!"
I stop his momentum. "Wait. Hold. Up. Now. What did Britney have to say to you?"
With an attempt at a breezy tone, he says almost boastfully, "Oh, she says she doesn't want a relationship right now. She's graduating and moving out of state in a couple months, so she's not interested right now - she said if the timing was better she would have thought about it."
I counter, "Oh, well that's nice. So what are you hoping for from me? That I'll just skip along with you, and we'll go on our merry way, and just forget all of this happened?"
"I have news for you, brother. I wasn't here sitting, waiting around for you. I am busy. I made plans. I expected you'd be with Britney around this time, so sorry. Talk to you later."
He was surprised to hear this. He hadn't thought of the consequences - that in going to pursue this new lady, he'd lose the one he was trying to have to begin with. He'd thought he'd have a prize either way.
Um, nope.
He left with his head hanging and Britney gave me a ring only a few minutes later.
"M, what was that all about?! I thought he was coming to me to talk about you... I'm just mad that he had the nerve to go behind your back like that, and do that to you, and that he thought I would be such a poor friend to go behind your back and date the guy you've been dating. I definitely told him I wasn't into the idea, partially because I am moving. But even so, I was totally not interested or into him at all."
I just laughed. It made my day. I told her I was never sure about him either but that he'd been talking marriage with me just a week or two prior. After dating for less than a month and a half.
We laughed about how he thought he was even attractive enough to pull this scheme off. He wasn't.
He kept calling me, and of all things, to beg me to go to the zoo with him and his roommate. Just to be a bitch, I told him I despised zoos - that they smell bad and are cruel to animals - and so no way in hell did I want to go to the zoo. He then resorted to further groveling. I kid you not, this came out of his mouth: "Just tell me I have some value! I need to know that I was at least valued in this relationship! And respected! Tell me I have some value!"
I told him I wouldn't do it. I told him he'd have to bargain with God to assure him of any type of value. The fact was, I didn't, and don't, respect him anymore.
He literally cried over the phone at this point. I am stone cold serious.
Oh, boys. What are they ever thinking?
Several years ago, I was dating this guy I wasn't totally sure about. My current practice is a harsh but necessary process in which I immediately get rid of a guy the moment I discover we aren't going to work. (That is another story, but I highly recommend this tactic - it has worked great for me and ensures that not a further moment of either person's time is wasted.)
Back to the original story now. Let's call this guy "Herbert" for the present. I met Herbert at church. He asked me if I was seeing anyone (I wasn't) and we made a date from there. The ensuing few dates went fine, but I wasn't the mature young woman that I am now. I had many doubts but kept going along with the guy for a few weeks. Most of the moments in our time together would be too boring to recount, so I'm going to jump ahead.
It's about five weeks in since we met. Herbert and I are having one of our usual nighttime phone conversations. He ends up working in the following words over the phone:
"So what do you think about marrying me someday? Do you think that's something that could work?"
Now, I'd hate to give away my age here. So just imagine yourself as you once were, your most naive self, one who just started entertaining the idea of going on dates. That was me. I'd only really had one relationship at this point, and it was hardly serious. In my head, to answer Herbert's question, I was saying, "WTH?! What are you talking about? Me? Marriage? Ummmmmm..."
Unfortunately I don't recall what I told him; I do know that brushed him off, with the idea that I hadn't ever even entertained the idea of marrying someone and it was far too ridiculous to even think about thinking about it. I didn't outright reject him; rather, I changed the subject in a way that didn't put the possibility of marrying me completely out of his mind.
And we're fast-forwarding again. It's a holiday weekend and my female friend Britney and I are the some of the few people left in town. Herbert happens to be in town, with his family visiting. So between Herbert and I we round up a group to spend a night out together. We hit up a pub, play some pool, walk around in the cold a bit, I put together that he's in such a rush to get married because his several-years-younger brother is engaged...and that's that. I don't think much more of it.
Herbert is sitting on my bed one day. He pats a space close next to him and asks me to sit down. He takes my hand gently. He says, "M, I really like you. Much, much more than I should or ever thought I would. You're beautiful, you're sweet, you're smart, [blah blah blah]... I do have something I have to tell you, though."
He continues, "I've been thinking a lot. You know I overthink and analyze everything. I've lost sleep over this, and I've given it a lot of thought: You know your friend Britney, right?"
I nod yes.
"Well, like I said, M, I like you too much, I think," he pauses, "but I respect you enough to let you know that I really liked Britney. She's a person with whom I could spend the rest of my life."
Meanwhile I'm thinking, why is this guy going on and on to me about Britney?
He presents the catch: "M, I think I have to ask her what she thinks about starting a relationship with me. I can't in good faith continue to see you when I might be passing up this opportunity."
I asked him where that would leave us. So, what, are we done here? He says, "No no no, I just don't want you to think of this for now. We'll just go on as if nothing has changed. I'll talk to Britney this week and we can go from there."
Like I said originally, I wasn't sold on him. I didn't mention this before, but he's not much of a looker. He's a kind that looks fine at first, and you remember his face in a good light, but the more and more you see him the more feminine he looks; also, too skinny, too hairy, a little pale, and a butt chin to boot.
The more I "analyzed" it, the more I realized that mentally I was done with him, and pretty much unscathed.
We talked little the week leading up to this meeting. The "date" was set - his one-on-one serious talk with Britney would be right after his and my classes were done for the week. Britney had no clue what to expect.
While I knew they'd be meeting, I busied myself in my apartment - cruising the internet, making yummy snacks, doing nothing productive in particular, chitchatting on the phone with one of my loveliest friends...
And I hear a knock on the door.
I lower my phone chat to above a whisper. I'm not expecting anyone. The knocking persists.
"M! M!"
It's a guy's voice. I look through the peephole. It's good ole Herbert, impeccably (not) dressed in an oversized and very, very purple T-shirt. Hmmm. Hmmmmmmm. Am I supposed to drool now? And how did he get in?! You had to get past security to enter the apartment.
I decide to hang up with lovely face and open the door, frankly because I'm quite curious to hear just what butt-chin-face has to say now.
Well, what he had to say was this:
"HEY!" (imagine a little overenthusiasm here) "Want to watch a basketball game?"
Nevermind the fact that he knows watching sports, for me, is the absolute last thing on my Fun Things To Do list. I pause. "Um, what about Britney?" He's not quite making an offer I'd want to take him up on.
"Let's just forget about her. Come on, let's go watch the game!"
I stop his momentum. "Wait. Hold. Up. Now. What did Britney have to say to you?"
With an attempt at a breezy tone, he says almost boastfully, "Oh, she says she doesn't want a relationship right now. She's graduating and moving out of state in a couple months, so she's not interested right now - she said if the timing was better she would have thought about it."
I counter, "Oh, well that's nice. So what are you hoping for from me? That I'll just skip along with you, and we'll go on our merry way, and just forget all of this happened?"
"I have news for you, brother. I wasn't here sitting, waiting around for you. I am busy. I made plans. I expected you'd be with Britney around this time, so sorry. Talk to you later."
He was surprised to hear this. He hadn't thought of the consequences - that in going to pursue this new lady, he'd lose the one he was trying to have to begin with. He'd thought he'd have a prize either way.
Um, nope.
He left with his head hanging and Britney gave me a ring only a few minutes later.
"M, what was that all about?! I thought he was coming to me to talk about you... I'm just mad that he had the nerve to go behind your back like that, and do that to you, and that he thought I would be such a poor friend to go behind your back and date the guy you've been dating. I definitely told him I wasn't into the idea, partially because I am moving. But even so, I was totally not interested or into him at all."
I just laughed. It made my day. I told her I was never sure about him either but that he'd been talking marriage with me just a week or two prior. After dating for less than a month and a half.
We laughed about how he thought he was even attractive enough to pull this scheme off. He wasn't.
He kept calling me, and of all things, to beg me to go to the zoo with him and his roommate. Just to be a bitch, I told him I despised zoos - that they smell bad and are cruel to animals - and so no way in hell did I want to go to the zoo. He then resorted to further groveling. I kid you not, this came out of his mouth: "Just tell me I have some value! I need to know that I was at least valued in this relationship! And respected! Tell me I have some value!"
I told him I wouldn't do it. I told him he'd have to bargain with God to assure him of any type of value. The fact was, I didn't, and don't, respect him anymore.
He literally cried over the phone at this point. I am stone cold serious.
Oh, boys. What are they ever thinking?
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