Settling in

I've been living in SF for almost two weeks now. I have been on many work trips here, but it is so different being here full-time. It is starting to sink in that this is for real. I love this place.

I ended up choosing an apartment in Lower Nob Hill so that I'd be a short walk from work. My place is historic but with some modern renovations, which is just the feel I wanted. I am a little upset with myself for being so impatient to sign a lease; in early February, there wasn't much inventory in Nob Hill proper, but a week or two later, a bunch of apartments freed up. Oh well. I have a huge studio and a huge closet, and a bunch of cute bars are nearby. The kitchen is my favorite part. I have shiny white modern cabinets, gray quartz, and a super unique backsplash. I went all out redecorating and have been very pleased seeing all my choices come together. However, tracking the shipping of twenty-plus online orders (including some furniture) was practically a full-time job!

I had three happy hours during my first week with my new work group, so I can tell this is going to be a super fun crowd. Between my post-MBA work cohort, these new coworkers, and a few business school classmates, it is nice to already know a few people in the city. One of my classmates keeps asking to hang out, but I'm quickly realizing this group is about drinking a lot, staying out really late, and watching sports. Sports was never my thing, but lately, I'm all about fancy cocktails, nice dinners, and being in bed by 11 pm. I'm not going to do things I don't like just to feel like I have friends, so I'm just going to have to meet some new people who like the same things.

I am noticing how rude the guys are here: rushing just to get a spot in line in front of me, not holding doors open, stuff like that. It's pretty shocking, having lived in the South for much of my life. In comparison, SF guys aren't chivalrous whatsoever.

Also, I have been getting a million steps a day here. I'm exhausted at the end of each day from that, but I love it. Seeing the city on foot is part of the excitement. I reactivated my ClassPass membership, but I have been too tired to spin as often as I normally would. Oh well, more yoga, and less dollars spent on ClassPass! A million steps a day is a free workout, after all. ;) Ok, time to explore some more. Goodnight!

Cali girl

It has been forever. I'm not dating anymore, so there hasn't been much drama to report. I've been with my BF for almost nine months, so that helps explain where all this time has gone.

I met him on the last day of business school, at an event for school. He was clear with his intentions from the start, and I liked that. And he's been fantastic ever since.

In other news, I started my rotational program and am nearing the end of my first assignment. I was asked to move to a location that I didn't expect. It's a small but funky city, and I live in an incredible, renovated 1920s building with a bunch of the city's great restaurants one to two blocks away. I've had fun here, but since I haven't been dating, I haven't been going out much. There are a lot of undergrad students in this small city; I don't identify with them much now that I've settled into life after grad school.

I have had the itch to get out of here for a while now. This past week, I received some news I knew would come eventually: my next assignment is in San Francisco.

In a little over a month, I'll be a Cali girl! I can already picture myself trotting around Nob Hill, with my little doggie in tow. I'll have to teach him to be a little prissier.

I can barely contain my excitement. :)

Distillation

Things slowed down a little with Liam. I thought things might have been off for good, but then he sat me down and apologized for acting weird and a little distant. He made it clear that he was interested, but he worried he wasn't meeting my level of expectations because he hadn't been single for that long.

That last part worried me. I learned that his breakup had actually happened earlier than I had thought, which, to me, is a good thing; however, I worried that maybe he still hadn't been single long enough to survey the other fish in the sea and be able to know with confidence that I was who he wanted.

He reassured me that he had feelings for me. Without any prompting from me, he also stated he wasn't ready to get as serious as he normally would be, but he wanted to get there with me soon. He said he was almost there.

He told me I didn't have to say anything back, and truthfully, I needed to process what he had said while I was on my own. When I started thinking back on it, he had said a lot of really great things, but also, I started to carry with me the thought that, in essence, maybe he was saying that he didn't like me enough yet to give me more.

This conversation happened about two weeks ago. The more I thought about it, the more I started to distill his statements into a simpler idea:  that he was saying he would just half-ass it for now, because that was what he needed - even though he wouldn't be giving me what I needed. I wasn't sure if that was an accurate distillation for not, but I did know that he needed to decide to do better if he wanted to keep my attention. I started to decide I was going to tell him I needed to stay away from him unless we were going to date properly.

He went out of town for a long weekend, which gave me the opportunity to have some distance and think some more. I realized that the last day of class was fast approaching, and we wouldn't be running into each other at school anymore; after that day, if he wanted to see me, it would have to be an intentional move.

The last day of class was this week, and I knew I would see him. We had been texting a little, but I had never given a response to his declarations. I knew I would either get clarity when I saw him or tell him I wanted to put things on hold. He started to warm up as that day approached, and he finally stepped up again and took me to dinner.

We had a lot of drinks to celebrate the end of the school year, which led to our first sleepover. Part of me thinks it's okay, because we've been building the attraction for two months now. A big part of me thinks he hadn't yet earned a sleepover. Honestly, though, sleeping together had been pretty easy to prolong, because at first, he was respectful, and later, he gave me easy outs. Despite being frustrated with him for a while there, I do know him well enough to determine that his intentions are good, and that this will move us forward in a positive way.

The night was really nice though - all of it - and I have to admit that I'd like more like it soon. As long as I keep reinforcing the idea that he gets rewarded when he does things right, I'm happy with where things are, and I'm hopeful.

My final thought for now is about how he drunkenly told me he loved me a few weeks ago. I still have never said those words to a guy, and I chose not to acknowledge that Liam said them, because he drank too much that night and was semi-freshly out of a long relationship. I guess I mention this because this is the first guy in a while that I (1) like and know on a deeper level and (2) believe has pure intentions with me. Even if we aren't there yet, I wonder if we might get there soon.

Despite this complication

Our spring break travels really changed things up back at school. It was really cool to have experiences with and get closer to classmates in different years of the program. I had started to have a crush on one of the guys during the trip, but I was disappointed when my travel roomie enlightened me that the guy had a serious girlfriend. Let's call him Liam (because he's Taken...haha).

Despite this complication, Liam continued to gravitate to me as the trip progressed, and he made a quick comment about his girlfriend one day that made it sound like he didn't want to be with her anymore. When the group went out to bars during our last few nights abroad, he seemed to be making an effort to situate himself in the room so he would be close to where I was. Every time we had to weave through a crowd, he would grab my hand to help me through, holding on a bit longer than he needed to afterward. It was starting to seem like we were interested in each other, despite the GF situation.

Back at school post-spring break, I was curious to see what things would be like. He made a few gestures that made me think he was trying to make excuses to talk to me, but we actually didn't see each other at school until the end of the first week back. The first of these was at one of our on-campus happy hours, were we spent a good amount of time catching up. The second was the next day, when the business school held an event at a bar. There I was talking to a few classmates about relationships during business school, and one of the girls broke out the latest gossip: that Liam and his girlfriend had broken up.

He seemed completely fine post-breakup, so the conclusion I drew was that he had been over the relationship for some time already. I'm not sure if it actually was serious or if they were together for long. But anyway, Liam and I hopped in a cab with a few other people to meet our classmates back at one of their houses, and he and I ended up spending most of that time talking to each other. He kept demonstrating that he was interested, and we decided we wanted to go dancing at a nearby bar. No one else was game to extend the night any later, so we went by ourselves. There, my intuitions proved to be right...because he kissed me.

We have been out together several times since, and things are good. He's actually a really great kisser. I love that because I've been dealt some bad ones lately. I'm not sure what to expect from him, but that's something I intend to bring up before we continue too far. That's one thing I'm trying to do differently with guys now - just be a little bolder and actually communicate about things that are important (which, kind of heartbreakingly, is my biggest weakness in dating right now). Also, I'm trying not to "sign up" to liking a guy before he's earned it/before I've finished evaluating him. At least, with the thing we have going now, I really appreciate the effort he makes to be around me and also how social he is, and I entertain him by being ridiculous. ;)

Until next time...

Exotic spring break

Olá from Brasil!

Okay, actually I'm back in the U.S. now, but I just returned from a wonderful couple of weeks in Brazil. We ate, we drank, we beached, we clubbed. School has been a lot of extra work this semester, and going off the grid was the perfect way to let all my worries disappear. Most things in Brazil were really cheap too, because the U.S. Dollar is strong right now compared to the Brazilian Real.

Here are a couple of photos I took in Rio de Janeiro:

Of the few days we spent in São Paulo, my favorite part may have been the 360 views from this rooftop bar:

Photo cred: veja São Paulo (my photos of this didn't turn out, sadly)

It was pretty unbelievable being on this rooftop, surrounded by urban structures, thinking that 12 million people (!) live in the city proper.

All in all, it was an unforgettable trip.

The beginning of this trip was also my personal deadline to evaluate my situation with Cam. I subtly let him know about the deadline, because he had been half-assing it for weeks. Cam never stepped up though, so I have washed my hands of him. And by doing so, while in Brazil, I was able to start a great friendship with a male classmate, and it might be a foundation for something more.

Really in this

It feels like it's been forever. After a nice month-long break from school over the holidays, I am bewildered that I've been as slammed with schoolwork as I have. This is my last semester of grad school, and it was supposed to be easy. I was supposed to be coasting! Unfortunately, I picked all the wrong classes for that, and the MBA-vacation mindset is out the window for now.

I have been trying a bunch of new exercise classes lately, and it has been such an amazing change to walk into a new spa-like studio each day and have a different experience instead of going to the same ol' gym all the time. I've been loving Flywheel and other stat-based cycling classes lately; I tried kickboxing for the first time today (and loved it); I quickly developed an addiction for hot power yoga over the past several weeks; and I've even been doing hip hop and dance fitness classes. So much fun!

Oh yeah, and boys? Well, a few weeks back, I jokingly told Cam that I was going to "prom" soon and was trying to decide who I should let take me, and he so kindly offered to be my date. I had been putting it off for a while, because I wanted to tell him about it without directly asking him out. It was a prom theme party a couple of friends put together. Afterwards, several of them told me they thought he was really sweet. Cam seems a little more shy to me now than I had initially judged, and I felt bad when I left his side to join in girl-talk conversations at the party. He was fine watching the football game that was on, though, and made conversation with some of the guys, but I still am uncomfortable feeling like part of a "couple" when I bring a guy along to meet friends. I've been doing my own thing for so long that it feels odd not flying solo to events and to have to think about someone aside from myself.

I think Cam and I have been good lately. It's the busy season at work for him, so he's been at the office until late at night every weeknight and has been pulling full days on the weekends too. The last couple of times I've seen him since the prom party, it has been really low key nights at one of our apartments.

I understand that he's legitimately busy right now, and I honestly don't have much free time lately either, but I don't want to keep putting up with movie nights in. I don't need anything wild, but I'm used to being taken on real dates by guys. Even if he's tired from the long days, from my view, he has the bandwidth to put a little more effort in. The problem is we don't talk enough or really even know each other well enough for me to feel comfortable implying that he needs to step it up. I've never been good at communicating my expectations and standards in relationships.

So, I thought things were good with us until I had a deeper conversation than I normally have with a couple of girl friends, and it occurred to me that Cam and I never have come close to talking on that kind of level. So then I started reevaluating everything and started feeling like my needs aren't being met. I've had some emotional meltdowns lately related to stressful school things, and feeling like Cam (or any guy) is not there for me I think just added to that.

I really like Cam and think there are good things between us, but I think part of me is lazy and feels like it's so much effort to go back out into the dating pool that I don't want to cast him aside just yet - especially now that I've already put a couple of months into this. Furthermore, dating app guys are so flaky these days. If I'm brutally honest here? Pre-Cam, it was getting really tough to get a respectable, quality date off those apps (I shut mine off a couple weeks ago). And texting, ugh. I'm not a fan.

I think my main guy problem here boils down to this: How do I better communicate my needs to someone who isn't making an effort to spend enough quality time with me for me to actually talk to him? His workaholic spree is over at the end of the month, but I don't know if I should wait around that long to see if he's going to step it up. Put in such a situation, how do you show loyalty and understanding while still standing up for yourself? Deep down, I think I believe that if a guy cares, he will make time and fight to make things work...and there, I think, is my answer.

Third date

I really need to think of a better name for the younger man, so I'm going to go with Cam - for no other reason than it seems like a hot guy name that would suit him. He mentioned getting together over the weekend, and we ended up starting a new TV series together and making cocktails. I wore my new Anthropologie shirt I am obsessed with, and he brought cookies his mom made, which I thought was cute.

It felt like too long since I had seen him. It had been almost two weeks because of holiday travel. I had forgotten how attracted I was to him; I found myself not looking at him as much as I wanted to because I was trying not to stare.

I really love sharing a TV series with someone, especially starting from episode one together. It was fun trading comments with Cam about the odd characters, and it was nice having someone to drink the boozy cocktails I love to make. We kept having side conversations too, but somehow Cam managed to keep up with most of the plot and fill me in on the parts I had missed.

On our first date, at the cocktail bar, Cam would occasionally dive in when I wasn't expecting it and plant a surprise kiss; I really liked it. This night, he did it again, and during the third episode, we gave up on the show, haha. I need to go back and see what I've missed, but if I end up liking it, I'm not sure if I should wait for him to keep watching or not. He stayed over that night, and I rested pretty well having him there.

Cam worked in New York City for a little while after graduation, so unless he had it already, he must have picked up some of that assertiveness guys are known for from there. I still love thinking about the line he used to make me stop and turn around at the bar on the night that we met. I almost don't want to write out what he said, because it would cheapen it, or reveal my identity (I know, I'm paranoid). He laughs that he "can't believe it worked," but I countered that it got my attention, it wasn't degrading, and it was clever. Plus he looked like someone I wanted to stop for.

I've been reading and watching a lot of Matthew Hussey's dating advice lately, which I have been loving and is actually very different from The Rules. Matthew emphasizes not waiting around for guys to talk to you - sometimes you have to create those opportunities and even be the one that starts the conversation (but still let him pursue you). Well, I had really been diving into his material. Even though I used to purposefully avoid talking to guys at bars because I didn't think I could take them seriously, I was starting to come around and plan to use some of Matthew's advice on guys at bars. But I keep thinking that I got lucky - Cam made it easy for me and spoke to me first.

Still, I am trying to remember to use the new things I've learned. For one, I think I did a good job of making Cam feel useful, because I left it to him to figure out how to change the source mode on our TV (it's new and I am legitimately TV-clueless) and later I asked him to carry a heavy box to my car.

I really like the guy. I may be starting to have feelings for one guy (Cam), but that doesn't mean I no longer feel compelled to cyber-stalk a different guy (Sam, ugh). I realized I hadn't looked at Sam's Instagram page before, and I was pleased to find that it is public. I was displeased to find that he has posted three pictures now with female classmate. Ew. I haven't seen or heard from Sam since school let out last semester, but next week, we're all back on campus again. I wonder if he'll ignore me in the halls in the coming weeks, because he and female classmate are more established and cozy now, or if he'll still flirt, for fun's sake or just for a backup plan. Either way, I don't know if it's to my advantage to remain kind, mock-innocent to his recent coupling, or to adopt a bitchy edge (which I somewhat feel entitled to take on, given our backstory), thus ensuring he does not receive any amount of ego boosting associated with me.

One of my best local friends is having a big birthday party in a couple weeks. The invite description is amazing and hilarious, and the party theme is prom of decades past. Dates are "highly encouraged." I don't know if I should ask Cam to prom, or if I should tell him about the party and hint that I wish someone would ask me to prom. The latter seems like the better idea.

Intrigue, intellect

I can hardly believe it, but the show is still on for the younger man and me. Despite not having the most "proper" beginning, I expected our first date would be a lot of fun; fun it most certainly was. I think there is something special here. I'm intrigued. I was out of town, playing in the snow this past week, but that tone of excitement lingered through the days following our date. Now that I'm back, we are going out again later this weekend. He is also officially a year older now, so that means I'm officially only robbing the cradle by three years.

I can have fun with Blue, but I'm ready to end it. We had another date that was fun and almost changed my mind, but then, a couple days after my date with the younger man, I went day drinking with Blue, a few coupled friends of his, and some of his family friends. I wanted to see how he interacted with them to really gauge the accuracy of my recent assessment of him. I think what's missing this time, even more so than the confidence issue, is the kind of intelligence I look for. That great, deep conversation does not seem like it will ever be there, and I'm starting to see more of a lack of common sense and general smarts/intellect. I suppose that when I dated Blue two years ago, yet kept gravitating towards/chasing Peter instead, that's what should have tipped me off that something major was missing with Blue. I sensed it at the beginning this time around too - that something was missing - because, again, I was very interested in other guys on the side. Alone, he has never felt like enough.

Being out of town this past week helped me start to pull away and distance myself from Blue. I would feel terrible disappearing without saying anything, because he has been very sweet, attentive, and chivalrous this time around. Instead I'm being less responsive, hoping he will either get the hint or call me out until I am forced to tell him I don't want to see him anymore.

Cougar-to-be?

I saw Sam at one of our school happy hours. Since he popped back up on my radar, he comes up to talk to me every time he sees me. This time, the female classmate was present too. I knew she would be there, so I was curious to see how he would handle a situation where the two of us girls were both at the same event as him. Clearly he knows he's being bad by talking to me: he didn't come up to talk to me once at this happy hour. He did, however, stand in the same small circle as female classmate several times at the event. Ugggh. He really is being loyal. I was hoping I could win this one or that he would drop her soon, and he's not. Again, it gives me more respect for him that he's loyal, but I'm annoyed at the same time.

I thought Ted was about to ask me out again, but nope. Lately we only talk every few days. The fact that he's not desperate increases his value in my eyes, although I wish he would show a little more interest. Maybe things will heat up with us soon. We always go out in the same areas on the weekend, so I hope the next time I catch up with him is on a date and not by running into him at a bar. He's still my favorite Tinder match ever. I keep hoping someone will pop up on the dating apps who is cuter than Ted, but nope. He is exactly my type.

So my birthday was recently, and now I'm noticing that the guys on the dating apps who are cutest in my eyes are a year or two younger than me. Oh no! Am I destined to be a cougar? At the bar this weekend, a guy started talking to me who was clearly younger than me, but I thought he was attractive. After a few minutes, it came out that he is four years younger! He said his birthday is this week though, so technically he's only three years younger...and I accidentally brought him home with me. Oops. The most hilarious part of this is that today he confirmed that we are actually going on a date. He wants to go to this really nice cocktail bar, too. He's fun to talk to so it should be fine. I doubt anything will come of this, but I do know I will not be bringing him home this time.

And then there's Blue. It's crazy how so much can change in two years. I was really happy that he was interested, serious about me, and taking me to nice places; I am also seeing him differently than I used to. I don't know if I didn't pick up on it back then, because I was less secure about myself, but Blue seems to be lacking confidence this time around. It makes me less attracted to him. I think part of it is confidence and part of it is that he doesn't seem to have much going on in his life that makes him excited and keeps him busy. His usual single guy buddy now has a girlfriend that he spends all his time with, leaving Blue without plans more often. We've gone out four times now, so I'm getting a good sense of how things might be with him. I'm going to at least see him once more, but I actually am not optimistic that things are going to pan out with us after all.

I told a girl friend that I needed her help assessing Blue, so I brought Blue out with my friend and her boyfriend. They confirmed a few of the things I mentioned above. Also, the last time I dated Blue, when I would introduce him to people, it was so attractive how social he was and how well he got along with everyone. This time, he didn't have much to say. I've heard people describe before that they are attracted to people who seem as if they are "bottomless" - people who have a lot of depth, opinions, people who you feel as if you could talk to forever and there would still be more to discover. I'm not sure I feel this way about Blue. All I know is I'm not going to let myself be taken on another long ride with someone I'm not crazy about.

Speaking of Formerly-Dreamy - he was at my gym this weekend. I was annoyed; he lives right by a different gym that is part of the same fitness chain. He knows which one is "my" gym, too, yet he showed up there anyway. It was extremely awkward seeing him, but at least I knew what to expect: he had told me that after he has a breakup, he does not want to speak to that girl ever again. Fine by me, especially in his case. Obnoxiously, he kept walking by the bike that I was obviously camped out on. I still did not think he was attractive. I was at least pleased that I happened to look on point that day. Eat your heart out, Dreamy.

The plot thickens

Sometimes close analysis of a guy's words and actions is actually helpful. This is one of those times. After having several flirtatious conversations with Sam this week, yet not hearing from him outside of school, I began to try and piece things together. What was going on? Why was he taking so long to concretely ask me out?

Then I realized that he actually hadn't suggested getting drinks again since the first time we talked in the hallway at school. The day after the cocktail event this weekend, I spotted a photo of several of my classmates on my Facebook feed. I almost kept scrolling right through, when I realized I had seen a tall guy with black hair in the background. I zoomed in on the photo, and it was him. It was Sam. And the female classmate was sitting right next to him, less than 24 hours after I had realized I did feel a connection with him.

It didn't take too much longer for it to occur to me: what if "Why didn't I ask you out before?" really meant, "Why didn't I ask you out before I started going on dates with female classmate?"

Oh.

So just like that, I put it together. He's fine flirting in person if our classmate isn't around, but he doesn't follow through because he knows that a date with me could possibly mean big trouble for him with this other girl. I admire and respect that he's being loyal to her. He seems like a player by the way he flirts, but if he doesn't follow through, at least that means he sticks with his girl. While I'm fine with dating several people at once, he's older, so maybe he has a different view on that. Or, maybe he would normally be fine with dating multiple people, but in this case, with dating two girls in the same business school class, there is a high likelihood they (i.e., we) would find out about each other quite quickly.

I'm sad all that excitement was probably for nothing. I doubt I'll see the guy much until 2016, because I won't be at school much for the rest of the year. I can hope that Sam and this girl will fizzle out by the time 2016 rolls around; she's definitely not the most attractive person, but she has a good personality going for her. I don't know though, part of me thinks I won't be single anymore by the time next semester begins.

And that brings me to my date with Blue last night. It was pretty amazing. He took me to a really nice restaurant, and things were just so easy with us. Talking to him was effortless, he looked great, he acted really interested, and I think he's ready for a girlfriend. He lives with his best friend, who has had a girlfriend for a while now, and I think this - plus the fact that he's two years more mature since the last time we dated - means he's on the prowl for something stable now too. Also, unlike Sam, lately Blue has been asking me out frequently. At the end of our date last night, he wanted to make plans for the same day he gets back in town from visiting his family for Thanksgiving.

So while I was disappointed to have this epiphany about Sam, I'm not going to let it stop me from being excited about Blue. It's nice to have an extremely gorgeous, fun guy express interest and try to be a regular part of my life (ahem, unlike Sam and Ted right now).

Stepping it up?

Blue finally asked me out to dinner last week. I hadn't seen him since Halloween weekend, so I was wondering what had taken him so long! We went out for wine and tapas and had a nice conversation. Our texts had been really cautious, so seeing each other made things easier; we could catch up properly without being afraid of asking certain questions.

He gave me a hug goodbye after dinner, and it surprised me a little when he said he would like to go out again, if I wasn't opposed to it. I'm not sure if he thought I might be opposed to it because he thought he had hurt me the way things ended last time or because he had thought I wasn't interested since I let him go when he stopped trying. I agreed, but my expectations are in check this time. I'm not even sure if he's the right guy for me; I am relieved that I find myself thinking about this realistically.

He asked me out for drinks on Friday, but I had plans and had to decline. The next time he texted me it was pretty confusing - he seemed almost afraid to ask. He asked if I was seeing anyone else and if we could go on a date. I thought our tapas night was a date? I guess it wasn't clear to him, and he wanted to define it. I agreed to a date, so we are going out tomorrow night.

Ted has been texting me daily, but I haven't seen him again. I would love to see him before Thanksgiving, but it looks like that won't happen. It took three months of Tinder messaging for him to finally ask me out, so I hope that's not how long I would have to wait around for for a second date.

I matched with a guy on Hinge who just started in my graduate program, Sam. We ran into each other at school for the first time a few weeks ago. He said he had seen me around school before. I had never noticed him before, though. I've mentioned it in previous posts, but I avoid eye contact with hot-looking guys when I walk by one; so it's likely we passed each other previously and I just never gave him a good look.

From our first conversation in the hallway, I thought there was chemistry. He asked if I wanted to get a drink with him soon, and I agreed, but he never followed up. I kind of got embarrassed by this and started avoiding him at school. This weekend, we had a school cocktail event, and a few hours prior to the event, a friend told me that Sam had recently been "hanging out" with one of our female classmates. I was surprised, since I had never thought of her as competition. It made me feel really awkward about potentially seeing Sam at the event.

Of course he was there. Again, I avoided him almost the entire time. At least the female classmate wasn't there. While I was at the bar, another new male student started chatting me up, and we talked for a while. At one point, Sam came up right next to me, so we finally greeted each other and quickly exchanged a few words. When this other kid started trying to dance with me, I made it clear I wasn't interested, and he left me alone. A little later, Sam finally came out to the dance floor, headed directly for me with a very seductive look in his eye. He has this look every time I see him.

We danced and talked for a while. There was a lot of chemistry. And then he asked me why I was so "weird" in the hall when we first met. I was shocked by this and asked what he meant, and eventually he admitted that it seemed like I wasn't interested. I had no idea I was acting that way in that moment. He also told me I had given him a death glare in the hallway the time after that, which I also had no idea I was doing. Oops. I told him I obviously couldn't control my face and that I hadn't meant it. Our whole conversation was really playful. It was so entertaining talking to him - it was like being around him magically gave me more energy. He's a smooth guy, I admit, but near the end of our conversation, he was like, "Why didn't I ask you out before?" I told him I didn't know - that was his problem.

I saw him in school again this morning, and it was really nice talking to him for just a few minutes. I am crushing hard right now. We're both staying in town for Thanksgiving, so I hope he actually asks me out instead of vaguely asking me out like he has several times now. Even if he turns out to be one of those charismatic, player-type guys, I think I would thoroughly enjoy spending a few hours out with him.

This Sam thing makes me wonder though: every time that things appear to get normal with Blue, why does another shiny object pop up and distract me?

Apparently I'm an expert at running into this guy

I don't go to clubs much these days, but that doesn't mean I'm getting more mature. Business school, limited responsibilities, and my single status mean that I'm back to acting like a younger version of myself. A couple of girl friends invited me to a club this weekend to see a DJ play, and I jumped on it, recalling the good times back from my club days. We danced a bunch, we laughed at some hipster guy's intentionally ridiculous (but hilarious) dance moves. I stood outside the men's room as my girl friends ran in, one of them shouting that she was using the urinal. Ridiculous and so inappropriate but I wouldn't trade it.

Eventually we decided to change the scenery and Uber back to our usual hangout spot, a cluster of dive bars. Continuing their silly behavior, my girl friends danced ridiculously through the bar as we searched for a spot to park ourselves. That's when my gaze zeroed in on Chase. Of course he was there, and this time it had nothing to do with my roomie's orchestration. Chase was buying his drink and didn't see me, so I stuck my rear out and ass-butted him as a greeting. Lee was there too and gave me a hug. Lee immediately wanted to start chatting with me about my two friends. They were still being silly and he was like, "Where did you meet these girls?! They look like so much fun!"

Compared to Lee, Chase remained fairly distant, and at some point I realized Chase was there with another girl. I hadn't talked to Chase since Halloween, when I texted him a picture of Lee dressed up as a girl. Chase's new arm candy was boring-looking in my opinion but wasn't unattractive. She looked a little like me (but while it's catty and immature, she was frankly dressed like a slob).

Lately my sentiment about Chase was that I loved our good times and the way he made me feel, but he had eventually bored me, partly from his inaction and partly because he stopped making me feel the way he initially made me feel. Lately my sentiment was that I still liked him as a person and that I might be friends with him at some point in the future because he was a fun drinking buddy. Yet seeing him that night, seeing him with another girl, made me loathe him in that moment. I kind of still feel that way.

I didn't think of it at the time, but later, for a few moments, I wished I had made out with Lee in front of Chase, just to spite him. I know my history with Lee was something that bothered Chase, and I wanted Chase to feel bothered. In hindsight, I'm glad I didn't do this or think of this at the time - it would be a new low of immaturity. I know I like a couple of my current options better than Chase, but still, seeing him with someone new got to me. And I was surprised it got to me. I thought I had mostly moved on and didn't care much about what Chase has been up to. I think the part that bothers me is knowing that he has moved on, knowing that he is putting some level of effort into another girl, which frankly he never did with me. With us, from his end, it was mostly accidental and convenience.

Thankfully, in addition to running into Chase at the bar, a bunch of our other girl friends were already there. I had so much fun with them that night and didn't let seeing Chase get me down. I don't even know why I felt like writing this - probably partially to clear my mind of the nagging thought of him on that night. I guess this is what closes the book on the Chase story.

My human teddy bear

Sometimes a guy totally surprises me, in that my initial intuitions were all wrong about him. Last week, Ted asked me on a real date - dinner and drinks. I couldn't believe it - a dinner date request from the guy who I thought I would only see out at the bar.

Based on his texts and the fact that he is an engineer, I expected him to be quiet and possibly awkward. Additionally, the only time I had seen him in person before this date was at a bar, when he was in his Halloween costume (which was fairly concealing), so I was looking forward to seeing him in regular clothes to assess his normal appearance.

Ted and I went out a couple of nights ago. I was relieved to see that, in his normal dress, he looked just like his pictures - he was really cute. (I call him Ted because he reminds me of a blond, human teddy bear. Awww.)

Also, I wasn't expecting him to be so chatty. He was a great conversationalist, and we had a lot in common in terms of lifestyle and things we like to do for fun. He wasn't awkward in the least. I must have smiled for the entire date.

We had only been communicating on the apps and hadn't exchanged numbers prior to the date. He didn't kiss me, so I headed home knowing I had a great time but unsure of his thoughts towards me. It seemed like he could have a decent time with almost any girl.

A little while after I had arrived back home, a message from Ted came in through the app. He said he had enjoyed his time with me and asked for my phone number, because he had forgotten to in person. The combination of items in his message made me feel a little giddy - they hit on exactly what I had wanted to hear. Furthermore, I was extremely impressed with him that he asked for my number. Since my last relationship, every single phone number exchange I've had via the dating apps has been the guy giving his number instead of asking for mine - annoying but a fact of life these days.

I also thought he could be a fratty player, but he was a gentleman the entire date - through his words and his actions. I'm excited about the fact that this is a guy I could have real dates with but who also goes to the same bars as my friends and me.

And what about Blue, you may be wondering? Well, he has vaguely asked me out (no time or date requested) and also requested that I take him "sometime" to this bar I've been telling him about. Our texts are pretty boring right now. I know I'm trying to take it slow and not assume anything, so my texts are very cautious - and I can sense the same thing from his. I read some of our texts from two years ago on my old phone, and it was definitely the old me back then: it seems like I asked him out a lot of the time. I'm not doing that this time, and I'm perfectly fine with waiting around for him to make a move. It's nice to feel content whether he is in my life or not.

Boys, boys, boys

Maybe my blog should be called Boys, Boys, Boys. My posts are full of them! Well, let's cut to the chase (look at that pun!) - my date a couple Fridays ago. I went on a date with a teacher (who has the same name as Chase in real life). He looked so cute in his pictures and we had had great text conversations, but he looked totally different in person. Within the first few words out of his mouth, I knew I wasn't attracted. I tried to be lively and fake it throughout our interaction, but I was definitely forcing it. We had a pretty good conversation and I continued to text him afterwards, but he has been clingy-ish and texting too much; I have decided I'm not going to give him another chance because I have started to feel irritated hearing from him. Not a good sign.

I have been talking to a guy since August (!!) on Tinder, and since we have connected on another dating app too. He is the one who has never asked me out. We'll call him Ted. Well, we ran into each other in a bar on Friday, which meant we were both in Halloween costumes. Mine that night happened to involve a bikini top, so secret's out - now he knows how small my boobs are. Ha. Also, one of his friends immediately shouted out the names of the two dating apps right after Ted and I greeted each other. I'm wondering how his friend knew!? Ted must have been talking about me beforehand, which amuses me. I talked to Ted for a couple minutes and then went back to my friends. He ended up messaging me a few times the next day, but who knows if we'll ever actually meet up on purpose. Seems like another late-night-bar-hangout-only guy in the making. I want to see him again though, in normal clothes this time, to do a better physical assessment. ;)

The biggest news of all is that I ran into Blue on Friday as well, in a Halloween store. Yes, Blue, from two years ago! I tend not to make eye contact with potentially hot-looking guys I spot in public, and I saw a guy out of the corner of my eye talking on the phone. I didn't recognize him. He ended his phone call and came up to me after I walked to the next aisle over. He introduced himself, because I hadn't recognized him - he was one of the last people I would expect to see out somewhere. Blue looked unbelievably gorgeous. His hair was different - it almost looked a little red (and he insisted he didn't dye it).

He is the one who seemed to lose interest and stopped trying to make plans, so it was weird that he genuinely seemed interested in catching up right there in the Halloween store. What's more is that he also wanted to meet up on Halloween. I hadn't done my hair and was in my gym clothes, pre-workout, but I could tell he was interested. I was flattered. Right there, all of those old feelings came back from when we were first dating.

So, Blue has been texting me again. I am very curious to see what comes of this!

Oh goodness, there's more

Surprise! After weeks and weeks and weeks, Chase and I finally had another accidental run-in. On our way out towards uptown, my roomie mentioned that we were going to stop at Lee's (Chase's friend's) house to pick Lee up. Once we hopped over to the second bar of the night, in walks Chase. I would have loved to see my facial expression - I know it was a mix of fake annoyance, real annoyance, and shock. We greeted each other with a hug and then swiftly began avoiding each other, keeping on opposite sides of the group. Neither of us had been trying to talk to each other since our last conversation, so I think neither of us was sure what the other was thinking.

At the next bar, we started acting a little more cordial towards each other, and at one point when it was just us two talking, I mentioned something funny (but kind of bad) that had happened to me. He was like, "I have to hear the story behind this!" and we went outside and talked a little more. He started holding my hand as we would walk through the crowds, and finally, this was a night where he didn't drink too much but was still having fun.

At the end of the night, my roomie and I got into a cab with Lee and Chase, and there was a lot of debate about where we'd be going. Chase ended up winning, telling the driver that he wanted to be dropped off at his apartment. I was a little disappointed, because even though I knew things were kind of over between us, I still hadn't gotten a kiss - and he is so good at it so I really missed that. I was also disappointed because he had never invited me over before, and it seemed like he wanted to keep it that way.

When we pulled up to the apartment, Chase got out, and Lee gave me a nudge and a couple words hinting that I should get out of the car too. "Should I really get out?" I whispered, and Lee replied, "YES!"

I got out of the car and told Chase that Lee had practically pushed me out of the car and said I wasn't allowed to come with them. To my delight, Chase didn't look bothered one bit. He just said, "Okay!" It was nice - I was worried he would tell me he was tired or make some excuse why he didn't want me to come in with him. I'm not sure if he was surprised or not that I was coming home with him, because he brought up that he'd seen another guy in the group talking to me earlier that night and thought something was going on with us. It made me giggle that he'd noticed and that he didn't know how much of a weakness I had had for him (Chase).

I also had wanted to come over for forever because I hadn't met his dog yet (who ended up being so sweet and adorable!). We took the dog for a walk and then, back inside, proceeded to do good but bad things.

I don't regret it. It was good, and I had a lot of fun. Now that I know what to expect from our communications (i.e., little to nothing), it makes things much easier for me. The next day, I was left with the feeling that I kind of got what I wanted - it was almost closure, even, around all the hopes I had had about him previously. I wouldn't mind more makeouts or fun nights with him, but I was so worried, and even mad at Lee, about Chase not wanting me because of a past hookup with Lee. Now that I know that wasn't the issue, it makes me feel like a lot of the reasons behind Chase's inaction were not about me.

The other reason I am at peace with all things Chase is because I'm talking to someone new - someone who is extremely good-looking, kind, and most of all, who wants to communicate with me. The funny thing is he has the same name (in real life) as Chase (which is an alias). I matched with this new guy on two different dating apps, and I will meet him for real this Friday. Sometimes I hate texting, but I've had so much fun messaging with this new guy - and if both the attraction and communication are there are in real life as well, this date could go very well. More soon!

Conflicting dating theories

Regarding the Chase saga: I last left off when I was upset and agonized over hoping I'd hear from him on a Friday night. Thank goodness I had fun plans with friends the next night to take my mind off of him and my disappointment. Unfortunately, a very wise guy friend was present, who offered to compose a "chill" text message for me telling Chase which area of town we were hitting up that night and inviting him to join.

Chase wrote back shortly afterwards to say he was currently at a bar a couple miles away. I wasn't sure what to say, since he obviously had already set up shop with friends there, but I wasn't about to go ditch my plans to go running to him, especially since he wasn't exactly down the street. Drunken decisions again got the best of me, when I allowed another girl to convince me to tell him I was at X bar and that he should come dance with me. I heard nothing for a while, and then he asked if I was going to dance with him. At this point, his spelling was off, and I could see a little bit of drunk text syndrome taking over.

Since I'd already been out with my friends for most of the night and they wanted to go home soon, they told me it would be permissible for me to go meet him. Only thing was, Mr. Chase was too far gone to text me coherently anymore. He called me to ask what the plan was, and since I was on my way home and my phone was about to die, I told him he could come over (bad M!), and he agreed to the plan. (He has slept over a couple times before but was well-behaved, if you know what I mean.) I knew it was bad to do this, but I just wanted to see him. He called again right before I got home to say he was stopping at his place then coming over, but combined with his state at that point in the night, this stop at home meant he was unlikely to actually make it to my place. I hoped he would, but he didn't show.

He texted me a couple times that week, and I'm quite certain he doesn't remember talking on the phone that night. The text conversations were really short. I wasn't sure why he was reaching out if he didn't want to talk that much or suggest that we see each other. He did ask if I was going to a festival the next weekend, which didn't end up working out on my end. Even though he didn't end up going either, he didn't suggest seeing each other otherwise.

Admittedly it does bother me that he acts like, and says, he really likes me when he's drinking, and then barely acknowledges I exist when he's sober. I don't need someone like that. I'm too old for that. But I still had feelings for him, and this is where two different arguments come up against each other. One side says that guys can be shy and that they won't ask girls out, even ones they really like; the girl has to make it abundantly clear that it would be well-received, or she has to do the asking herself. Part of me was trying to convince myself he might be one of those guys, but he asked me out perfectly fine for this event downtown. This side of thinking, inspired by this podcast, says guys like girls that aren't passive and who take some initiative with guys - that it's okay to let a guy think you might like him.

The other voice, the other side of the argument, says that if he likes me enough, he will make things happen between us; if he isn't making his interest clear to me and asking me out, then there is no genuine interest.

At this point, the second argument is winning. I'm not trying to talk to him, I'm not thinking about him as much, and I'm trying to talk to and date other guys again. I really am getting over him pretty well, but I just thought I'd update you all on where the story has settled. ;) My goal is to start getting excited about a couple of other guys so that when Chase resurfaces, I'm in a really great place instead of being overeager and still pining. My roomie has been the one to coordinate all the groups that have led to Chase and I running into each other, but she's been traveling a lot lately; as a result, I haven't run into him by accident since the last time she schemed for Chase and I to meet. Chase and I also go to school together but are on opposite schedules and haven't run into each other there yet. I'm sure I'll see him one way or another soon, but if he's not trying to text me or call me or make plans, I would much rather just talk to him the next time I see in person rather than plot my next "accidental" meeting or use my energy trying to craft the perfect texts. In person is just easier.

Part of me wishes I hadn't ever met Chase, even though I really and truly adored him. I was in this awesome headspace before him, this "look at my badass, single, party-filled life" mentality, and was just so excited about possibilities, about being free of Dreamy, about having a post-MBA job offer already signed. I'm trying to get that back. I hate that meeting him and being disappointed by him took it away and made me start to doubt myself.

In other news, I've been pretty good at spotting red flags with new (dating app) guys. There is one who was demanding about me switching over from the app to texting/giving him my phone number, who brought up the word "sleepover" within the first few texts, and who sends a bunch of texts and questions before I've responded to the first. RED FLAGS. Irritating. He is asking if we're still going out now, to which I greeted with silence. Responding, "Sorry, I just don't think we're a match," is going to lead to more questions, more texts, and probably insults - so I'm going to keep silent on this one. I just wish he would get it - spelling this type of thing out is not going to be pretty.

Cross your fingers for me, please!

Not ready

The last setting I described with Chase was nothing short of bliss. That feeling kept with me throughout the week, heart practically bursting. We hadn't planned anything for the following Friday, but my roommate kind of schemed so that Chase and I ended up out together in the same group again. We were both surprised to see each other there, but it shouldn't have been as surprising as we took it since it's the same people with us almost every time. I was a little offended he hadn't reached out to me personally, but since his guy friend (best friend), Lee, had told me once that Chase was shy, I gave him a pass. We were happy to see each other, and we essentially had a repeat night of wonderfulness.

A few drinks in, I was given the piece of information I needed to understand why Chase hadn't contacted me that night. Earlier that night, Lee told Chase that things had happened between Lee and I earlier in the year. I was shocked both at Chase's honesty for telling me that he knew as well as at the fact that Lee told him. I literally almost started to cry on the spot, saying, "That makes me really upset." I felt like Lee was trying to come between Chase and I, and what happened with Lee didn't mean anything - we've never been interested in each other for real. Chase said it made him uncomfortable but that he was glad that he knew. In a way, I was relieved too, so that I didn't have to hide it from him; yet I didn't want it to change anything between us. I told him that he has to know that what he and I have is nothing like what was between Lee and me. Chase said he knew that. We talked through it a little more. Chase said, still, I really like you. I know we were drinking, but he ended up telling me he loved me several times that night. I didn't say it back because I wanted to take it with a grain of salt, and I didn't want to embarrass him by taking it too seriously when I wasn't sure how he meant it. It's crazy to think about though, because I was really feeling those feelings too. I just kept telling him back that he is a sweetheart. We managed to have another amazing night. I remember telling him that I was so happy, and he said, me too.

We hadn't texted during the week, but we were going back and forth on Saturday after he went home. It was mostly about nothing, but silly me, remembering Lee's comment that Chase was shy, dropped my normal MO and decided to go for it, asking what he was doing that night. His slowness to respond immediately filled me with dread. We had stayed up way, way, too late, so I knew that sleeping explained some of the delay, but when I kept hearing back from him, that anxious feeling wouldn't go away. He ended picking me up pretty late and we went out to meet Lee and some others. I felt so awkward (plus sober) and closed off, though; even though we ended up out together, the way he responded still made me feel rejected. We had good conversations that night, but it was different. I was distant, and we were more quiet than normal. We weren't as affectionate because we had already discussed that Lee was super annoyed at us about that so we were going to be good. I knew Chase had morning plans with his family but tried not to be disappointed when he didn't come inside after taking me home at the end of the night.

As this week went on, the feeling of dread kept growing. When we were with each other, he had been asking me a lot about going to a concert this weekend, but neither of us had tickets at the times we discussed it. I was hoping that maybe it would come up last minute and that would mean we'd be spending a lot of weekend time together, but he never got in touch this week to confirm it or talk about it again. I should have just said yes right then instead of being vague about going, so that we would have already had plans.

I didn't want to feel that terrible anxious feeling of possibly being rejected or not received warmly, so I haven't reached out to him again. Still, I've felt so heartsick and lonely not hearing from him. I hate that it has been killing me even though I've only known him a month.

I went out last night to a school event and didn't know Lee would be there. I had a few drinks and then confronted Lee about what the heck was going on with his BFF Chase - that I hadn't heard from him since last weekend. Lee told me that Chase likes me, to calm down, that Chase is in school and working at the same time so he's been busy. But things really started to come together when Lee said, he probably shouldn't be mentioning this to me, but Chase just had his heart ripped apart by some other girl. I've looked at Chase's pictures so I knew exactly who the bitch was, but I think it's been a couple months now, if not more. Lee said he thinks that Chase is not ready to be in a relationship again but acknowledges that he does fall fast. He said that if I want a relationship, then I probably am just going to have to wait around for him for a little bit.

The more time I've had to process it, the more at ease I feel about it:  at least not talking to me is not an outright rejection of me - it could be that he's just still thinking about this other girl. That still sucks, but I keep telling myself that if I am better than her, more charming, more put together, more in shape, then I'll win him over (silly, I know); at the same time, I don't want to be the kind of girl that waits around for a guy. But again, I didn't develop feelings during my last relationship, so maybe someone I have strong feelings for is worth holding out for. I don't know. I stopped seeing/talking to other guys since Chase and I last talked about that topic, but now I don't know if I should feel dumb for doing that. What keeps going through my mind too is that all of our heart-to-hearts have been after several drinks. How much of this is real? When he was with me in those amazing times, it didn't seem like another girl was ever on his mind. At the same time, I may still have nothing to have inner debates about, nothing to wait around for, because Friday night is almost over and I still haven't heard from the guy. I'm so confused. I don't want to be the one to initiate contact first, and I don't see how Chase could turn off the switch, and go from hot to cold, this fast. I just can't swallow that this might be over already.

Having real feelings for someone is no fun sometimes.

Nope, he blew up

Remember the guy from Tinder who cannot stop texting? Last week I mentioned that he demanded I call him after I stopped returning his texts. Well, there are new developments. Yesterday, he demanded that I "communicate with him" because he needs to know "what's going on with us." Apparently it's not obvious that nothing is going on with us.

I told a group of friends about him and that he's a braggy guy, but furthermore, I don't feel bad about calling it off because of his date game. Not that it's about what a guy buys me, but he was telling me alllll about how he doubled his salary with his last career move; nevertheless, the first date was a coffee date (i.e., he only bought me coffee) and on the second date, we split the check at dinner (he couldn't even treat a girl who is a student to dinner). So he has literally invested almost nothing in this "relationship."

Given this information, I asked the group whether or not I should respond to his demands, and their overwhelming response was that I don't owe him anything (exactly what I was thinking) and that I should BLOCK him instead. So I blocked him on my phone. He doesn't have the social intelligence to interpret silence and subtleties like canceling a date, and if I was more explicit about not being interested, I thought he would a.) be offended and lash out or b.) try to argue with me about what he thinks my feelings really are.

Unfortunately, my MacBook also receives my text messages, and it didn't get the memo to block the dude. So now I see the additional texts that he's sent, and now he's outright name-calling. I think I might finally have him blocked for real, but these new messages make me upset. I just want nothing to do with him or his messages. At least I'm proud of myself for having my red-flag radar on point post-Dreamy.

Something new

After my reunion with Chase, I mentioned I saw him the next night. What I didn't mention was that it was a much tamer evening - barely affectionate, and he only stayed out with our friends for a couple hours. He dropped me off at home in a cab and then went his own way, and I began to wonder if we really had what I thought we had. When I walked in the door of my apartment, Chase's guy friend and my roomie were already there, doing homework. Since I was home early, I announced to them that I might go out to a different bar in a few minutes and started to message some friends who were out already. Guess Chase's friend thought I was trying to meet up with guys, because he asked, "How many dudes are you dating?!"

I took it as a joke and told him I had just gotten rid of one [Hinge Guy] and mentioned one other, but that I liked Chase better. ;)

Earlier that night, Chase had mentioned to me that he was planning to go to an event downtown the next day and asked if I was interested. I said I was, but then I didn't hear from him at all the next day (except for a Facebook friend request). Since it was a long weekend anyway, I decided to keep my mind busy and go out with a different group of friends instead.

The next day, I was feeling more and more anxious about Chase. I hadn't heard from him and it was starting to sink in that he probably wasn't interested after all - really, I was the one who "initiated" things by asking friends to find an excuse to reintroduce us. But that afternoon, I about jumped for joy when I got a message from him saying he was going to the event today (one of those nerdy conferences where people dress in costume) and out tonight and that I should join. I was feeling a little rough after three nights in a row of parties, and while I took my time responding to him, I immediately started getting dressed and doing my makeup.

I met Chase downtown, and he took my hand right away. It made me so happy. He asked about how my previous night had gone and confessed he had consulted with his guy friend about texting me, which I thought was cute and flattering.  He apologized that he had been exhausted and not himself a couple nights earlier. I told him it had made me unsure whether or not he really wanted to be there, but he told me, no, he was definitely interested. It was amazing how he made me feel better so quickly.

We got drinks inside one of the hotels and wove through the crowd to meet up with Chase's guy friend and another girl. Chase was definitely seeming like himself, at least, as much as I knew him so far. He remained very attentive, reaching out to hold my hand or resting his hand on my back. We had a great time chatting and walking around, commenting on the costumes and the bizarre people present.

When we were a ways behind the other two people in our group, he told me that his friend had said I was dating a bunch of people. I freaked out inside. I didn't know whether this fact was helping me or hurting me, but since we had both had a couple drinks at this point, I told him I had been going on dates but that a lot of the guys were kind of lame (completely the truth). I asked him if he was dating anyone as well, and he said he wasn't. I was a little shocked that by this point, we had already talked more about feelings and dating more than Dreamy and I had in a year. Chase kept telling me vulnerable things, and I shocked myself by what I was able to say back; I normally clam up completely when it comes to discussing feelings. I was surprised to observe Chase unapologetically state what was on his mind; further, it was in a way that brought me closer to him, a way that was so cute instead of scaring me off.

Chase is a really funny guy - his mannerisms and the way he interacts with people, the way he rolls his eyes jokingly or pretends to push your face away. It's hard to explain how entertaining he is, but it's silly and adorable and I love it. When the dance floor started, we became so wrapped up in our own world that we lost the rest of the group. I had the absolute best time. It was a night that I want to remember for a long time. He was so cute and was so sweet to me. He came home with me (and behaved himself). He's the most perfect kisser. It's not often that I have the feeling of missing a guy, but I can't wait to see him next.

With the bliss that comes along with Chase, there is pain associated with ending things with another guy. The Tinder guy has gotten really needy and has been raising a lot of red flags, and additionally, I realized I would be embarrassed introducing him to friends. He's good-looking but the things that come out of his mouth are things that make me not want to associate with him. We've only been on three dates, so I just stopped responding to his messages and believe the choice to do so is appropriate; however, he keeps texting. In one of the last couple messages, he demanded that I call him ASAP because we had talked about seeing each other that day (and I wasn't responding to him anymore). I essentially sent a break-up text and added that I felt too ill to talk on the phone that day, which was true. I don't owe him anything. (He has committed several dating faux pas that back this up and which counted alone should have been enough to dismiss him.) However, he misinterpreted my text and thought I was only saying I was sick, not that I didn't want to see him anymore. I'm just going to leave it alone and hope he doesn't blow up. Thank god he doesn't know where I live.

In spirit of not leaving things on a bad note, I'm really optimistic about what is coming next this year. Part of me feels vulnerable and scared, hoping that nothing can keep me from what I might have. Part of me feels paralyzed, not knowing how to handle something that is truly great. But mostly, I hope that something so positive will outshine all of my fears and the hard things that come along with something new.

Overcoming a questionable start

You may or may not remember Chase, the boy with "amnesia" from my last post. Well, I have some excellent, tremendously exciting news: my friends found a way to re-introduce us!

As I was embarking on my third date with one of the Tinder guys, I got a text from my girl friend saying that Chase was coming out to the event our other friends had planned for the night. I made a total player move and ended the Tinder date fairly early in order to make it to the event where Chase and my friends would be (at one of those awesome new game, bowling, and bar combination venues).

I knew that meeting Chase again would be awkward, given that he didn't remember me but that his guy friend likely filled him on what happened that night. We kind of awkwardly avoided talking to each other at first, but after I had a couple drinks, of course I began feeling more comfortable about discussing our little situation (and so did he).

"So what exactly happened?" he asked, as he hadn't heard my version of the story yet.

I told him we had had a lot of fun, we danced, and he had told me some pretty funny details (such as volunteering his middle name). He said when he woke up the next day, he had this feeling that he'd had a really good night but couldn't remember why or what had happened.

It's weird, but blackout Chase thankfully has similar taste as regular Chase. After we talked things out, it's almost like we picked right back up where we had left off: there was a lot of kissing and dancing, and I had so much fun. He gives me really good feelings, and he's not like these other guys I've been meeting lately, who get clingy really quickly and who almost try to keep track of you at all times (they ask what you're doing virtually every day - which is very irritating).

He met up with us the next night as well for a little bit. I like him. I'm a little worried that he won't ask me on a real date, because we've just been together in group settings at bars. Based on a few words that our mutual guy friend said to me, I've also inferred Chase is not always an initiator with the ladies. I've been reading this book lately that essentially says a guy may like you enough to put in X and Y effort (e.g., kiss you at a bar) but that doesn't mean he likes you enough to follow through with Z action (e.g., take you on dates and be in a relationship with you). This is a really eye-opening mindset for me but has inspired a bit of pessimism as well. In the future, with a guy I really like, I feel like I am going to be bothered with worries about the quality of his actions and what that means in terms of the strength of his feelings for me.

But I'm not going to chase Chase, even though I feel this odd compulsion to do so. I am going to sit back, wait, and hope he makes moves on his own.