Something new

After my reunion with Chase, I mentioned I saw him the next night. What I didn't mention was that it was a much tamer evening - barely affectionate, and he only stayed out with our friends for a couple hours. He dropped me off at home in a cab and then went his own way, and I began to wonder if we really had what I thought we had. When I walked in the door of my apartment, Chase's guy friend and my roomie were already there, doing homework. Since I was home early, I announced to them that I might go out to a different bar in a few minutes and started to message some friends who were out already. Guess Chase's friend thought I was trying to meet up with guys, because he asked, "How many dudes are you dating?!"

I took it as a joke and told him I had just gotten rid of one [Hinge Guy] and mentioned one other, but that I liked Chase better. ;)

Earlier that night, Chase had mentioned to me that he was planning to go to an event downtown the next day and asked if I was interested. I said I was, but then I didn't hear from him at all the next day (except for a Facebook friend request). Since it was a long weekend anyway, I decided to keep my mind busy and go out with a different group of friends instead.

The next day, I was feeling more and more anxious about Chase. I hadn't heard from him and it was starting to sink in that he probably wasn't interested after all - really, I was the one who "initiated" things by asking friends to find an excuse to reintroduce us. But that afternoon, I about jumped for joy when I got a message from him saying he was going to the event today (one of those nerdy conferences where people dress in costume) and out tonight and that I should join. I was feeling a little rough after three nights in a row of parties, and while I took my time responding to him, I immediately started getting dressed and doing my makeup.

I met Chase downtown, and he took my hand right away. It made me so happy. He asked about how my previous night had gone and confessed he had consulted with his guy friend about texting me, which I thought was cute and flattering.  He apologized that he had been exhausted and not himself a couple nights earlier. I told him it had made me unsure whether or not he really wanted to be there, but he told me, no, he was definitely interested. It was amazing how he made me feel better so quickly.

We got drinks inside one of the hotels and wove through the crowd to meet up with Chase's guy friend and another girl. Chase was definitely seeming like himself, at least, as much as I knew him so far. He remained very attentive, reaching out to hold my hand or resting his hand on my back. We had a great time chatting and walking around, commenting on the costumes and the bizarre people present.

When we were a ways behind the other two people in our group, he told me that his friend had said I was dating a bunch of people. I freaked out inside. I didn't know whether this fact was helping me or hurting me, but since we had both had a couple drinks at this point, I told him I had been going on dates but that a lot of the guys were kind of lame (completely the truth). I asked him if he was dating anyone as well, and he said he wasn't. I was a little shocked that by this point, we had already talked more about feelings and dating more than Dreamy and I had in a year. Chase kept telling me vulnerable things, and I shocked myself by what I was able to say back; I normally clam up completely when it comes to discussing feelings. I was surprised to observe Chase unapologetically state what was on his mind; further, it was in a way that brought me closer to him, a way that was so cute instead of scaring me off.

Chase is a really funny guy - his mannerisms and the way he interacts with people, the way he rolls his eyes jokingly or pretends to push your face away. It's hard to explain how entertaining he is, but it's silly and adorable and I love it. When the dance floor started, we became so wrapped up in our own world that we lost the rest of the group. I had the absolute best time. It was a night that I want to remember for a long time. He was so cute and was so sweet to me. He came home with me (and behaved himself). He's the most perfect kisser. It's not often that I have the feeling of missing a guy, but I can't wait to see him next.

With the bliss that comes along with Chase, there is pain associated with ending things with another guy. The Tinder guy has gotten really needy and has been raising a lot of red flags, and additionally, I realized I would be embarrassed introducing him to friends. He's good-looking but the things that come out of his mouth are things that make me not want to associate with him. We've only been on three dates, so I just stopped responding to his messages and believe the choice to do so is appropriate; however, he keeps texting. In one of the last couple messages, he demanded that I call him ASAP because we had talked about seeing each other that day (and I wasn't responding to him anymore). I essentially sent a break-up text and added that I felt too ill to talk on the phone that day, which was true. I don't owe him anything. (He has committed several dating faux pas that back this up and which counted alone should have been enough to dismiss him.) However, he misinterpreted my text and thought I was only saying I was sick, not that I didn't want to see him anymore. I'm just going to leave it alone and hope he doesn't blow up. Thank god he doesn't know where I live.

In spirit of not leaving things on a bad note, I'm really optimistic about what is coming next this year. Part of me feels vulnerable and scared, hoping that nothing can keep me from what I might have. Part of me feels paralyzed, not knowing how to handle something that is truly great. But mostly, I hope that something so positive will outshine all of my fears and the hard things that come along with something new.