Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Oh goodness, there's more

Surprise! After weeks and weeks and weeks, Chase and I finally had another accidental run-in. On our way out towards uptown, my roomie mentioned that we were going to stop at Lee's (Chase's friend's) house to pick Lee up. Once we hopped over to the second bar of the night, in walks Chase. I would have loved to see my facial expression - I know it was a mix of fake annoyance, real annoyance, and shock. We greeted each other with a hug and then swiftly began avoiding each other, keeping on opposite sides of the group. Neither of us had been trying to talk to each other since our last conversation, so I think neither of us was sure what the other was thinking.

At the next bar, we started acting a little more cordial towards each other, and at one point when it was just us two talking, I mentioned something funny (but kind of bad) that had happened to me. He was like, "I have to hear the story behind this!" and we went outside and talked a little more. He started holding my hand as we would walk through the crowds, and finally, this was a night where he didn't drink too much but was still having fun.

At the end of the night, my roomie and I got into a cab with Lee and Chase, and there was a lot of debate about where we'd be going. Chase ended up winning, telling the driver that he wanted to be dropped off at his apartment. I was a little disappointed, because even though I knew things were kind of over between us, I still hadn't gotten a kiss - and he is so good at it so I really missed that. I was also disappointed because he had never invited me over before, and it seemed like he wanted to keep it that way.

When we pulled up to the apartment, Chase got out, and Lee gave me a nudge and a couple words hinting that I should get out of the car too. "Should I really get out?" I whispered, and Lee replied, "YES!"

I got out of the car and told Chase that Lee had practically pushed me out of the car and said I wasn't allowed to come with them. To my delight, Chase didn't look bothered one bit. He just said, "Okay!" It was nice - I was worried he would tell me he was tired or make some excuse why he didn't want me to come in with him. I'm not sure if he was surprised or not that I was coming home with him, because he brought up that he'd seen another guy in the group talking to me earlier that night and thought something was going on with us. It made me giggle that he'd noticed and that he didn't know how much of a weakness I had had for him (Chase).

I also had wanted to come over for forever because I hadn't met his dog yet (who ended up being so sweet and adorable!). We took the dog for a walk and then, back inside, proceeded to do good but bad things.

I don't regret it. It was good, and I had a lot of fun. Now that I know what to expect from our communications (i.e., little to nothing), it makes things much easier for me. The next day, I was left with the feeling that I kind of got what I wanted - it was almost closure, even, around all the hopes I had had about him previously. I wouldn't mind more makeouts or fun nights with him, but I was so worried, and even mad at Lee, about Chase not wanting me because of a past hookup with Lee. Now that I know that wasn't the issue, it makes me feel like a lot of the reasons behind Chase's inaction were not about me.

The other reason I am at peace with all things Chase is because I'm talking to someone new - someone who is extremely good-looking, kind, and most of all, who wants to communicate with me. The funny thing is he has the same name (in real life) as Chase (which is an alias). I matched with this new guy on two different dating apps, and I will meet him for real this Friday. Sometimes I hate texting, but I've had so much fun messaging with this new guy - and if both the attraction and communication are there are in real life as well, this date could go very well. More soon!

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Conflicting dating theories

Regarding the Chase saga: I last left off when I was upset and agonized over hoping I'd hear from him on a Friday night. Thank goodness I had fun plans with friends the next night to take my mind off of him and my disappointment. Unfortunately, a very wise guy friend was present, who offered to compose a "chill" text message for me telling Chase which area of town we were hitting up that night and inviting him to join.

Chase wrote back shortly afterwards to say he was currently at a bar a couple miles away. I wasn't sure what to say, since he obviously had already set up shop with friends there, but I wasn't about to go ditch my plans to go running to him, especially since he wasn't exactly down the street. Drunken decisions again got the best of me, when I allowed another girl to convince me to tell him I was at X bar and that he should come dance with me. I heard nothing for a while, and then he asked if I was going to dance with him. At this point, his spelling was off, and I could see a little bit of drunk text syndrome taking over.

Since I'd already been out with my friends for most of the night and they wanted to go home soon, they told me it would be permissible for me to go meet him. Only thing was, Mr. Chase was too far gone to text me coherently anymore. He called me to ask what the plan was, and since I was on my way home and my phone was about to die, I told him he could come over (bad M!), and he agreed to the plan. (He has slept over a couple times before but was well-behaved, if you know what I mean.) I knew it was bad to do this, but I just wanted to see him. He called again right before I got home to say he was stopping at his place then coming over, but combined with his state at that point in the night, this stop at home meant he was unlikely to actually make it to my place. I hoped he would, but he didn't show.

He texted me a couple times that week, and I'm quite certain he doesn't remember talking on the phone that night. The text conversations were really short. I wasn't sure why he was reaching out if he didn't want to talk that much or suggest that we see each other. He did ask if I was going to a festival the next weekend, which didn't end up working out on my end. Even though he didn't end up going either, he didn't suggest seeing each other otherwise.

Admittedly it does bother me that he acts like, and says, he really likes me when he's drinking, and then barely acknowledges I exist when he's sober. I don't need someone like that. I'm too old for that. But I still had feelings for him, and this is where two different arguments come up against each other. One side says that guys can be shy and that they won't ask girls out, even ones they really like; the girl has to make it abundantly clear that it would be well-received, or she has to do the asking herself. Part of me was trying to convince myself he might be one of those guys, but he asked me out perfectly fine for this event downtown. This side of thinking, inspired by this podcast, says guys like girls that aren't passive and who take some initiative with guys - that it's okay to let a guy think you might like him.

The other voice, the other side of the argument, says that if he likes me enough, he will make things happen between us; if he isn't making his interest clear to me and asking me out, then there is no genuine interest.

At this point, the second argument is winning. I'm not trying to talk to him, I'm not thinking about him as much, and I'm trying to talk to and date other guys again. I really am getting over him pretty well, but I just thought I'd update you all on where the story has settled. ;) My goal is to start getting excited about a couple of other guys so that when Chase resurfaces, I'm in a really great place instead of being overeager and still pining. My roomie has been the one to coordinate all the groups that have led to Chase and I running into each other, but she's been traveling a lot lately; as a result, I haven't run into him by accident since the last time she schemed for Chase and I to meet. Chase and I also go to school together but are on opposite schedules and haven't run into each other there yet. I'm sure I'll see him one way or another soon, but if he's not trying to text me or call me or make plans, I would much rather just talk to him the next time I see in person rather than plot my next "accidental" meeting or use my energy trying to craft the perfect texts. In person is just easier.

Part of me wishes I hadn't ever met Chase, even though I really and truly adored him. I was in this awesome headspace before him, this "look at my badass, single, party-filled life" mentality, and was just so excited about possibilities, about being free of Dreamy, about having a post-MBA job offer already signed. I'm trying to get that back. I hate that meeting him and being disappointed by him took it away and made me start to doubt myself.

In other news, I've been pretty good at spotting red flags with new (dating app) guys. There is one who was demanding about me switching over from the app to texting/giving him my phone number, who brought up the word "sleepover" within the first few texts, and who sends a bunch of texts and questions before I've responded to the first. RED FLAGS. Irritating. He is asking if we're still going out now, to which I greeted with silence. Responding, "Sorry, I just don't think we're a match," is going to lead to more questions, more texts, and probably insults - so I'm going to keep silent on this one. I just wish he would get it - spelling this type of thing out is not going to be pretty.

Cross your fingers for me, please!