Friday, December 19, 2014

Introductions and the holidays

The past couple months have been busy with recruiting and then finals, but hopefully by mid-January I'll have some internship offers in hand!

It has been a while, so some Dreamy updates are in order. I didn't visit family for Thanksgiving, and neither did he, so Dreamy invited me over to cook and have dessert. I was relieved that he didn't plan for the traditional Thanksgiving foods (I am not a fan of those, unless it's pie!), but unfortunately, I didn't like the way I seasoned/cooked my contribution to the meal. He didn't mind, which was nice, but I hate when things don't go exactly as planned when I cook for someone (especially when he purchased the ingredients and they were expensive). Fortunately, life went on.

He also invited me to his office Christmas party, with the warning that he doesn't share personal details about his life with coworkers - so they might ask some awkward questions. The really funny part is that the office secretary is obsessed with him and a while ago asked him if they could get married and adopt an ethnic baby together; and yes, this inappropriate secretary was going to be at the Christmas party. She ended up behaving, though, and didn't seem upset that I was there. Dreamy introduced me to every single person at the party, and we did get asked a couple times how we met. We didn't prepare an answer together for this question, so I was really surprised that he was honest and said we met online. I'm fine with my close friends knowing where I found the guy, but my family members aside from my sister don't know about him; and I don't feel great about the thought of talking to them in the future about this online dating business. The most recent thing my family heard about my dating life was a high school boyfriend. I feel like talking to them about guys would practically kill me - the thought of it makes my stomach churn.

This weekend, I'll be going to a holiday party hosted by one of Dreamy's friends. One weird thing about dating an older guy is that all his friends are married couples, so that is what the party will be like. I still feel bad that Dreamy has not met any of my friends (besides my roommate). I kind of like keeping my school friends to myself; I like going out independently and not worrying about whether or not my date is having fun and having to introduce him. Also, my non-school girl friends are single, so if he hung out with us, it would be a bunch of girls out at the bars Dreamy feels a little too old for. Yes, these are the silly things I worry about.

Hope you all have a great holiday!

Sunday, November 9, 2014


My concerns with Dreamy being critical on a past date have, thankfully, been a non-issue since then. He also has fortunately been smelling nice and clean. Often when you have a couple of doubts about something, they snowball into progressively bigger doubts - but I'm relieved to say that my negative feelings were short-lived.

He brought me to a party recently, which was the first time I met his friends. I was wondering if anyone would ask how we met, but luckily they did not; he found me online, and we had never discussed the story we would tell people. I was also curious if our "label" would come up, but he simply introduced me as M.

He does love to playfully make fun of me, and last night, while he was imitating my Northern pronunciation of certain words, he let the words "my boyfriend" slip - in reference to himself. The non-confrontational person that I am, I didn't react to it, and he didn't bring it up formally either. I'm not in a hurry to define anything. While I've been guilty of viewing guys I dated as "perfect" in the past, I am beyond that feeling with Dreamy, and I'm fine with continuing to explore if we are a good fit long-term. He is also fretting because he hates when his [older] female co-workers probe into his personal life, but soon he has to tell them - for RSVP purposes - who he's bringing as his +1 to his company Christmas party. While he is very direct about most things, he is shy about these relationship-type moments - and so he indirectly told me that I will be his +1.

In other news, the awkwardness with DC has finally ended. We avoided looking at/talking to each other all this week, but on Thursday, as I was waiting for my lunch to finish in the microwave at school, he walked into the room. He started a conversation, and we were both able to interact normally. I'm glad things feel comfortable again - it is so weird to revert back to the middle-school-esque practice of ignoring a guy.

One other thing I'm worried about is that I've been doing a lot of recruiting-related travel lately, and I think it's very likely I could move to another city after I graduate. It wasn't my initial plan when I started school, and a few weeks ago I told Dreamy that despite these trips, I wasn't interested in moving. I've gone through a lot to find a good guy, but now I'm really considering job opportunities in two other cities. I guess this will be have to be one of those things where time will tell - there's no sense in making contingency plans now, because it will be at least nine more months until I would have to decide. Career is one of my top priorities in life, but love is the other - it's a shame they might have to be at odds.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

A Dance and a Bad Date

The Dance

Lately I haven't spent much time with my new classmates outside of school, but I decided to go out with them one night this week after we had a particularly tough few school days. I actually had such a fun night with them, which I wasn't expecting at all! Occasionally, recently, I'll get the "I'm too old for this" thought when I'm at bars, or I'll just feel out of place/antisocial. So, it was a great surprise that the night was going so well!

I mentioned "back-up" boys in a previous post and the fun of having a crush (okay, actually, back then I had a few of them) as a "back up" in case things with Dreamy didn't work out. One of my school crushes (we'll call him DC) was out with us this weekend, and he and his roommate both showed up for the night fairly tipsy to begin with. Once we moved to the second bar of the night, a bunch of tunes starting playing that were begging for sing-alongs. So our entire group moved to the dance floor and were singing and dancing our little hearts out.

DC is a shy guy normally, but he wasn't too shy at the bar. He started twirling one of our classmates, and then another, and then he decided he wanted to dance with me. We've had our moments before - I've only been out with him a couple times but we clicked and had fun all of those times. I don't talk about my personal life with my classmates, so almost none of them know about Dreamy. Well, so DC and I were dancing, and I was smiling a lot because I think he's cute. So then he started trying to kiss me - multiple times. As tempted as I was, and even though Dreamy isn't technically my boyfriend (more like "basically my boyfriend," because things are pretty sure as they are, without the label), I turned DC down on each attempt.

Finally he stopped trying, and he hung his head down, with this embarrassed look. I kept telling him, "It's okay, it's okay," and gave him a couple kisses on the cheek. I didn't want him to feel rejected, because I do like him, but: 1. He was quite a bit drunk. I was closer to the sober end and it would be weird to kiss a guy who I don't know is really into me. 2. I'm too old for kissing boys in bars! I need to be taken on a date if a guy wants a kiss! 3. He may be shy, but still, he's never put in the effort to ask me out/get my number/text me before. A boy's gotta work for that kiss - it isn't free! 4. I would feel guilty about kissing someone other than Dreamy.

We both had to be at school at the same time the next couple of days, and at first, it wasn't awkward. I was walking with his roommate the morning after, and saw DC and called out, "Hey DC, how are you feeling this morning?!" He joked that he was not feeling quite up to par. However, after that, we avoiding talking/making eye contact for the next 48 hours.

Now, I'm off on a trip in the city that never sleeps, and we don't have school again for another week - so there's not much opportunity to try to smooth the awkwardness over. DC is a very smart and well-intentioned guy - I don't want him to feel rejected or bad about acting out (after he'd drank too much), but I don't know how to fix it.

The Bad Date

Dreamy and I had a "meh" date this weekend as well. He's not perfect - there are a couple things I don't like about him - but he ragged on me a little more than normal during our date, and I was fairly annoyed with him for a couple reasons as well. I don't really like his music taste, and that was part of one of the things. But coupled with the fact that he was a little critical of me (and he's never been like that before except in a joking way), as soon as I walked in the door, I just did not like the way he smelled. He's slipped once before with keeping his breath outside of tip-top condition, but this time, he had some kind of B.O. that I don't want to even describe. How is there possibly a (nice?) way to tell someone this?!

I didn't feel very close to him and there wasn't much emotional connection that night - which is normally something I feel so strongly with him. Thankfully, the next morning, we had a good talk, and I felt better about things (but I think I left smelling a little like him - ew). I am just trying to remind myself that a relationship is work, and it's not always going to be perfect. I have to keep the good and important things in the forefront - not the superficial things. I don't like the critical thing he said about me, because it's not true if you consider the circumstances (I don't want to go into it now). At the time, part of me was glad he's not an official boyfriend, because that night, I wasn't so sure if I wanted us to have a future. But I'm going to try to be positive, because there are so many good things, and try to put the bad night behind me - aside from telling him why he hurt my feelings. It's bad, but if I'm being honest, part of me wants to see if DC is a good kisser. Well, there's the truth.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Awkward situations, ex sightings, and a gift

Since I started school again, I've been pretty bad about keeping in contact with my girl friends in town. Fortunately, a friend (Bee) texted me last week, asking me to go out to a brand new upscale bar on Friday and also to be her "wingwoman." I got excited about the new bar and seeing my friend, and as a result, I didn't think through what a wingwoman's role entailed.

I met up with Bee, and she told me had been talking to this military guy on Tinder. He lived a couple hours away from the city and was driving in with a guy friend to meet us. Since I have Dreamy, obviously I wasn't trying to make a double date out of it. Bee assured me the guy friend didn't have any expectations, plus we'd be meeting another group of people there (a group I mostly didn't know, though).

Unfortunately, the two guys were the first to meet us at the bar. Bee and her Tinder date were eager to chat, so it immediately felt like a double date. Even if I wasn't dating Dreamy, the guy I was "paired" off with was definitely not a match - he was shorter than me as well as four or five years younger! He was a really nice guy and was surprisingly nice to talk to even though he was way, way too young for me. At one point in the conversation, he said, speaking of a location we were talking about, "If I ever take you there..." I was confused by this because I kind of had a bad reaction when we discovered our age differences.

Thankfully, I got some delicious drinks out of the night and had fun as well; also, the awkward situation was alleviated by the fact that a phone-number-exchange opportunity never arrived and because I left before midnight. The no-expectations promise was kept! (Bee told me the next day that they had tried to find "my" guy another girl after I left but did not succeed.)

When Dreamy and I had our date the next night, I started to tell him the story, but then he distracted me and I forgot to bring it up again. I thought it would be helpful for us to talk about it so I'd know what to do in future situations. When I go out without him, situations like this often come up, and they are weird to deal with.

Dreamy did give me a single red rose last week. I thought it was really cute.

You guys might remember good ol' Guy No. 1. We didn't part ways on the best terms, and I mentioned in the past that we're in the same grad program. He goes to school at night, though, but we've run into each other three times in the past couple months.

First sighting: I said hi but got the death glare back.
Second sighting: I said hi, and he said hi.
Third sighting (this weekend): He said hi, plus, "We see each other everywhere now! What are you doing at school today?" And then we had a short conversation before I went on my way.

Well, I'm glad he doesn't wish death on me anymore. (Or maybe he secretly does, and he's being nice just so he can get closer to me again and then get his revenge!)

Monday, September 29, 2014

Communication troubles

I'm a very quiet person. It works out well for me most of the time, though, because I enjoy being independent. It's why I have been fine being single for so long - I don't need another person's constant presence to entertain me or to feel like I'm okay. I do want to get married if it's the right person, and I get along best with people who bring out the talkative side in me.

All my past best friends have been girls who are very talkative themselves yet also elicit my extroverted side. Things work well with Dreamy because he's one of the people who can do that (although, to clarify, he is not a girl, haha). I think it's great that he shares a lot of qualities with my best friends of the past, but Dreamy and I have had some communication issues come up lately - they're problems with me though.

For the past few weeks, before we fall asleep, he has asked me to tell him something he doesn't know about me yet. The thing is, I've already told him many things I don't talk to anyone else about. I feel like he knows a whole lot about me - and he's so amazing at remembering the things I tell him. It's hard for me to answer such an open-ended question, and he asks me pretty frequently. Occasionally I'll tell him some trivial fact, but I've also encouraged him to ask me a specific question instead; that way I'd come up with a better answer. (He doesn't like to obey, though.)

I tell him, "I don't know what to tell you." I thought it was cute when, the other day, he responded, "You can tell me anything." He says he asks because he just wants to get to know more about me. I really want to be open with him, and be vulnerable, but I'm not good at it. I'm not an easy person to get to know. Thankfully, he's so sweet to me and very patient.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Talking in my dreams

According to Dreamy, I talk in my sleep. I heard this as well from a guy from my past, so I wasn't too surprised; but since Dreamy is someone I really care about, I am a little afraid I'm going to say something I would be embarrassed about! I asked Dreamy, "Have I said anything specific so far?"

He told me, "You only say important things."

WHAT?! I was really scared now, but I put on my best "calm" face and asked, "Like what?"

He said, "Well, actually, it just sounds like gibberish." I was relieved, but I sure hope I don't give anything away in the future!

In other news, things have been progressing measurably. Sundays used to be our date day (and night), but for the past several weekends, he's asked me out (well in advance) for Saturday instead. I used to wonder about what he did on the "prime" night of the weekend, but now I'm so happy he's included me (and that I don't have to stay up too late on Sundays anymore). I've gotten to see what he is like when he's had a little more to drink - he's really cute and tells me a lot more about how he feels!

I've mentioned before that a recent coworker of mine is related to him. I was so curious about digging for Dreamy dirt via this girl, but I held back since he told me he hadn't talked to her about me. I no longer work with her, so I'm not in touch with her anymore. Well, this past weekend, he said that he let her know about me! It was a big deal to me, since he's really close to his brother - and this girl is his brother's fiancee. So this means his brother knows now too. Also, lately he's been saying that his friends ask him about his weekend plans, and he tells him he has "date night" with me. I think this is adorable, because it's the first time he's admitted to telling his friends about me.

I feel like I've grown a lot since starting this blog. I keep calm and level-headed about this guy, and I seemed to have found one who is a true gentleman and has a big heart.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Back up "boyfriends," reunions, crazy wives, and a delicious breakfast

Dreamy and I went without seeing each other for longer than usual. At first, and for a while, I barely noticed - grad school has been busy with lots of homework and social events. However, I started to feel weird after a while, and I was able to put a finger on it pretty quickly: I'd been without any human touch since the last time I had seen him. I hadn't even hugged a single person, and it didn't feel right.

Prior to this realization, I had been doing some disaster planning in my head. My grad school class is fairly small, and most of the guys in it are married or are committed to very serious girlfriends. This made it difficult to figure out any "back up" targets, should anything go wrong with Dreamy; however, I did identify one. In spirit of not having my eggs all in one basket, I have this school crush to keep me entertained during the time I'm away from Dreamy. While I'm sure Dreamy wouldn't like this idea if he knew about it, I think it's a healthy practice for me, so that I can continue not to overthink things with Dreamy.

I was reunited with Dreamy this weekend. As soon as I saw him, it felt like we had never been apart. He had candles lit in every room when I first entered his apartment, which was adorable. (He tried to talk it up later that he likes candlelight as his lighting preference, as if he didn't do it for me - but I still think he did!) We had a couple of drinks there then walked to a nice restaurant nearby to have dinner on the patio.

He often mentions his best friends who are married and how he's less able to pin them down to have guy time these days. He describes situations where his friends' wives act in a controlling manner and often contribute to preventing their husbands from hanging out with friends. I always express my disagreement with the way the women act, hinting to my beliefs that a guy should still have his freedom and not be controlled in a relationship.

Dreamy treats me so well - he's so generous, attentive, and kind to me. I think I've done a good job of communicating to him that I'm not like his friends' wives and girlfriends, and I think he knows that fact himself. Dreamy continues to do everything to demonstrate that he's very interested in me, but his comments about his friends make me wonder about his real thoughts on marriage and if these women are tainting it for him. I haven't been upfront enough to ask about his direct beliefs about such things, which is very usual for me. He's an incredible guy, so I acknowledge that I'm lucky to be the girl taking advantage of his non-married status. I can see that he values spending a lot of time with the girl he likes, yet still, he's the only one of his good friends who is single. I suppose I'm answering my own question, but I think it will just take him a little more time to see that serious commitment doesn't mean ending his autonomy.

He cooked us an amazing breakfast the next morning, and it's quite a relief to see that he values great food just as much as I do! The home-cooked meals we've had so far have been incredible. Despite the issues I wonder about, everything is great with us. A bunch of my classmates are planning a day trip to an upcoming racing event (the kind that starts with an N and has a cult following of people that get made fun of often, haha), so I'm thinking of asking him if he'd like to come along, just to do something different. I'm a little scared of inviting him, though, so we'll see - but I'm sure it would be a highly entertaining day!

Monday, August 11, 2014

Not going away

It's tough to decide what to write about when things are going well! In older posts, I've talked about being excited after a great first date, about feeling insecure about whether a relationship was doomed or not, and about annoyances arising from various offenses guys have committed against me...

But things really are going well with Dreamy. We continue building on our inside jokes and come up with new things to tease each other about. He's still decisive and thoughtful about planning dates (we've been on nine now!), and he still takes me to awesome restaurants. He remains the kind person who appreciates the world around him and everything he has. He amuses me with silly words he uses and nicknames he gives to things. He's also super cute - something I'm not convinced that he realizes. ;)

I'd say he knows me pretty well by now, but he is trying to learn more. I'm a very private person, so usually once I hit this point it's hard for me to talk about deeper things and the thoughts and feelings I rarely vocalize to anyone. For me, it's pretty much wading into uncharted territory. He makes it easier though...he asks follow-up questions, validates what I say, and lets me know he really does want to know. And he likes that he's found something that makes me shy. For some reason though, it's easier for me to express some of those things to a really close girlfriend than it is to the guy I'm interested in.

At this point, I know he likes me from his actions, and I'm not worried about him disappearing. I'm not anxious about things getting the "official" stamp. I know all is well - I don't need that reassurance yet. We still have milestones to hit - he finally met one of my friends (who just moved in with me), and I have yet to meet his. It would be fun to go out together with a group. We haven't had our first dance, and we've been mostly sober on all our dates. I'm glad we don't use drinking as a crutch while we're together - Do you ever find that you can't remember what you talked about on a second or third date because you had several drinks?? - but it would be fun to get the buzz on a little more sometime.

I'm happy though, that we have things to look forward to!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Lucky seven, the One, and thinking ahead

So I've had seven dates with Dreamy now, and he continues to impress me. I didn't realize until recently that he travels for work almost every week, so he's usually only in town for a few days per week - but I've had a date with him every single week since our second date. Since "Quality Time" is one of my love languages, it really means a lot to me that he makes so much time for me. Our first date was a shorter one for drinks; however, these past few weeks he's set our dates earlier and earlier in the day, so that we spend the rest of the day together.

On one hand I'm grateful for that - very, very grateful - but on the other, I still wonder if he's seeing anyone else. His dating profile is still up, and since we've been seeing each other regularly, I've only checked to see if he's been online twice (I try to take the "ignorance is bliss" angle - I usually don't want to know). I didn't catch him online either time, which is good, but I have figured out that he has the phone app for the dating site we met on. The phone app makes it hard to tell exactly when they've been online or active last, but it seems like he still logs in weekly.

I can tell he really likes me, and since he only has a few days in town each week (and a lot of his time on one of those days is with me), he doesn't have a lot of time for dating other girls. When he's out of town, he basically has to work the whole time. That would lead me to think he isn't seeing anyone else... But I still wonder. I guess I shouldn't overthink it - he likes me enough to continue asking me out and sharing his time. Things are great with us, too. I'm enjoying things how they are now, and I'm not taking our time for granted.

Wondering about the next step is just how girls are wired, though. I'm not obsessing over it, but I'm worried that I'll keep giving my time and my heart and that a next step won't come - that everything will continue to go smoothly but that he won't ask to make things more serious. He's had long-term relationships in the past, so it's not that or anything he's done to make me think this. My personal experience just tells me that not officially committing and that keeping their options open is just how most guys operate these days. Dreamy isn't like "most guys," and I think he's at a good place in life where he might commit soon. Plus, he's more than four years older than I am, so the added maturity helps. I guess I'm just wondering when I'll know if I'm the one for him or not.

Thursday, July 24, 2014


I've been thinking about timing a lot this past week. After I dated Peter (my biggest crush of all time) for the first time, I often found myself wishing I hadn't met him when I was so young - I thought he would have been more interested if I was wiser, my dating game was better, and my career was more established. When we ran into each other again, and started dating for a second time, I was so excited for a second chance.

But now I see that the failed attempts with Peter have just been preparing me for the future, for a better guy. I hang out with Peter and also some of his friends to this day, on a nearly weekly basis, and I see who he really is now - I know he's not the guy for me (even though I think he's still an adorable and very attractive guy).

I was clingy with Peter. I texted him too much. I initiated and asked him out a lot, although I never pestered him about having his own space and time. I followed him around at parties. Ultimately, he lost interest, and even though we see each other all the time and are friends now, I know we will never get back together.

The thing is, the lessons I learned from my failed attempts to date Peter set me up extremely well to date Dreamy. I let Dreamy be the man and do all the work. I play a feminine role. I let him have his space but make sure the time we do have together is really special. The younger M would not have been able to keep him around for long.

The thing is, Dreamy would not have been in the right place to date me if we had met any earlier. Until a few months ago, he was going through a really hard time and could not focus on a girl seriously due to those life conditions. However, things started to come together, and he got to a really happy place - he was content with himself, his friends, his career, everything. He had some time with that, he put himself back out there (oh, the joys of online dating!), and then we started dating.

I'm so thankful for our great timing.

This past week, several people and situations have been getting on my nerves. I've been getting worked up over tiny little things - blowing them out of proportion. I have to remind myself of the great, positive things I have to lift me back great, optimistic friend N, my badass manager, my cool new co-worker, and quickly approaching grad school, which will change my life for the better, forever. For the first time in a while, I'm glad to count a guy among one of the positive things - a guy who makes me feel content and secure rather than doubtful, paranoid, and questioning.

Here's to acknowledging the upsides this week!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

What actions say

Ever since I dated Paolo, I get a little anxiety about staying overnight at a guy's place. Paolo and I dated for six months, yet he never stayed a full night at my apartment - he would always "have to leave" for some reason or another. I only stayed over at his place for the full night once, and the other times he'd end our date after a couple of hours, saying he had plans with friends or had to get some work done from home (he did have a very demanding job). Part of me liked that he stayed busy, but the other part wondered how long it would be before he would finally make more time for me. When I would hang out at his place, he would drop subtle hints that he wanted me to leave - so I would.

No guy since has the boundary quirks that Paolo did, but his actions still stay in my head sometimes; I wonder if other guys really don't want the girl they are dating to invade their space by staying over. Thankfully, Dreamy is different. When we cooked dinner at his place on date four, we both had work the next morning. I finally said that I should get going, but he told me I could stay. I asked him if he was sure it wouldn't disrupt his sleep, but he assured me it would be fine. Our fifth date (the most recent) was a Sunday night, and he had a very early morning flight to catch the next day. I didn't want to keep him up, so I told him I was sleepy and about to head home. He ignored me and told me to go lie down. The next morning, he was putting on his work clothes (hot!) after his shower, and I stood up and started getting ready to leave. It was very, very early still. He told me I could go back to sleep and that he would wake me up once he was ready, then drive me to my car on his way out. So I climbed back in bed and he awoke me later, pushing back my hair and giving me a sweet kiss.

He wasn't the least bit worried that I was in his space, even right before work/catching a flight. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but it meant a lot to me. I can tell how I really feel about a guy when he is in my space, in my apartment, while I'm getting ready for work. If I get a "I wish he would get the hint and leave" feeling, then that's telling. If I find myself wanting to offer him breakfast, then that's telling as well. With guys like Paolo, I wouldn't even be allowed in their space on a work morning. In contrast, Dreamy was calm and sweet and made me feel so comfortable.

Dreamy also loves to talk before going to bed. It's so attractive to me - we talk about really big things, and he's the one that brings them up. He impresses me so much because I've dated so many guys who don't have much to talk about after we get to know each other. Dreamy and I will be up until entirely too late, hours past my normal bedtime, until it's just him telling me adorable stories, with me sleepily and barely responding - exhausted but still wanting to be awake with him. I may have felt like a zombie at work after the last few times we've stayed up like that, but it was completely worth it. It afforded me more time with him.

Sigh... Somehow dating the coolest guy ever makes me feel even better about myself, instead of feeling less secure. I should start letting him know I really appreciate him, but I don't compliment him or flatter him much... I think I've done a good job of non-verbally letting him know I like him, but otherwise I've been playing it cool. I'm a big fan of this one though, if you couldn't already tell.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Compare and contrast

Guy No. 1 is officially upset with me. He's turned into a bit of a clinger, which came as a surprise since he's so good on paper. He's been asking me to hang out nearly every day, which has really been a turn-off - especially because they are usually last-minute requests. At first, I didn't say anything to him about liking to plan ahead; instead, I would tell him I had other plans. Midday this past Friday, a holiday, he asked if I wanted to meet up later. It wasn't attractive to me that he didn't have any plans, plus I just wanted to spend time with friends without having the guy cling to my side the entire day. Frankly I've felt like I was pretending the last couple of times I've seen him, and I don't want to have to fake liking someone anymore. I feel bad, since he's been really sweet and has treated me so well, but I can't see this working out long-term if he annoys me this early on.

So I plain didn't text him back about his request to do something that day. For all he knew, I could have been with another guy, or busy at the lake, and unable to write back, but a couple days later, he texted again with the tone of an upset, needy little girl. I politely told him I had wanted to have some time on my own with friends and that his request was last-minute, but he was not happy that I had "ignored" him. It really annoys me that people feel like others are obligated to text them back right away or be available 24/7. Sometimes I don't want to be available to a guy, and I know most guys feel the same way towards girls! Guy No. 1 and I haven't spoken since, and since I have been wanting to break things off with him anyway, this little fight might just give me an easy way out.

I think he is waiting for me to reach out to smooth things over, but I really don't feel like saying anything...

Dreamy, on the other hand, is wonderful, as usual. We cooked our first dinner together, and I was really impressed with what we came up with together - it was so delicious! Little things like that help me to see that we have common lifestyles and interests, and it was really fun to see his place for the first time, too. I've also said before that I can be a little bit quiet, but he's a really great person to have a conversation with - he definitely complements my shy side well.

And yes, Dreamy did make sure there was dessert after our home-cooked meal. He did good!

While they are both very tall (the same height, in fact), attractive, and successful business guys, if you look further, there is just no comparison between Guy No. 1 and Dreamy. Dreamy likes to exercise, talk about meaningful things, cook and eat well, plan ahead, and lead a busy social life outside of his busy work schedule, while Guy No. 1 constantly talks about being lazy with working out (he's in shape...for now, at least), doesn't ever cook, eats all his meals at restaurants, is messy at home, and depends on me for most of his social life. It is quite clear who is the better match...

Monday, June 30, 2014

Someone special

I've never dated someone who gives me such crazy feelings yet also blows me away with what a truly good person he is. This guy has the charm and the substance - I had such a great time on date three with Dreamy.

When Dreamy picked me up from my apartment, I still had no idea what he had planned for the night (although I knew food would be involved). He started driving and said he was taking me to a particular restaurant in my neighborhood - one that I'd never tried but had always hoped a guy would take me to one day. I was nervous for this night because I can get pretty quiet after the first couple dates with a new guy, but Dreamy always has lots of interesting things to say. He has so many things he's passionate about, and he speaks a lot about integrity - in his life and at work. He's very curious as well, and he asks me detailed questions about my interests (and he remembers those details later). Those types of qualities are what I've really been looking for in a guy - a guy who has convictions, has a direction for himself, and isn't just a little boy in a man's body. He speaks about family members and coworkers he looks up to, and it's interesting to see that he thinks of some of them as role models when he is already such a great person himself.

As per our new usual, he ordered our dessert at the end of the meal. We're pretty serious about our dessert ESP now, because we didn't even discuss the options - he just picked my number one choice, and he knew that it was the one I wanted. The waitress acted a little surprised when he decided so fast without my input, but I assured her that he knew the exact one that was on my mind.

He drove me right home after the meal, and I was feeling unsure about what to do next. I didn't want to be rude by not inviting him inside, but I also didn't want to invite any expectations of him getting some. We lingered in his car, talking for a while, and he could tell I was conflicted about what to do. He assured me he would be a gentleman, and so I finally let him follow me inside my place for a drink.

Without having to say much, I made the boundaries relatively clear of what would not be happening inside. I expect for guys to bail pretty quickly if they have work the next morning and it's clear they aren't going to get any action, but we finished our bourbon and then had the most incredible time. I kept waiting for him to say he was tired and go home, but soon I figured out that he didn't want to do that at all. He stayed with me until well past two in the morning, and we just talked and kissed... He ended up telling me some very personal things about his life and the way he thinks, and I could see what he's all about - and it's far greater than I ever could have thought I could find in a guy. I am very, very impressed with this one. He also kept getting this huge, adorable smile when I would share silly little things about myself. It seems like this one is the real deal, and I hope he is. He could make me really, really happy.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Run-in's and Dreamy Dates

What is it with guys reappearing this summer?!

Paolo moved away last year to go to grad school, but he was back in town a few days ago and was trying to organize a little reunion! I was pretty shocked, since he dumped me, yet now he's inviting me out to meet his friends! I think since we're still Facebook friends, he must have been stalking my photos and seen how much fun I've been having. He said he thought of me since he was in town and was wondering if I had plans or if I would go out that night with him and his group of friends. It would have been fun to see him again, but I had plans with Guy No. 1 and so couldn't get together with Paolo.

Another night, I was going to meet up with some girlfriends at a club. Sitting at my friends' table, I found a guy I had gone out with once before. (He's incredibly hot!) A couple days after we went out though, he messaged me to say he didn't feel a connection and wished me well. I was sad, since he was really sweet up until then, but I appreciated that he would let me know. Anyway, at the club this past weekend, we awkwardly avoided eye contact until I finally just decided to go up to him and say hi. He was really sweet, until the new girl he's dating showed up.

There are a couple other instances, but I'd rather talk about Dreamy. We have another date in a couple days and I am so excited! He's one of those guys who doesn't text nonstop, which I appreciate, but when he does check in, he always says something really thoughtful and hilarious. I found out I work with one of his relatives, and I'm dying to gossip with her about him! Dreamy is also an expert with setting up dates. He asked for my phone number in the first place (instead of offering his number for me to call), he requests in advance for dates (and states "let's go out on XX day" instead of meekly asking, "do you want to go out?"), he chooses the place and time, and he refuses to let me help pay. Oh, and he always insists we get dessert. It's adorable. Third date, let's do this!

Friday, June 20, 2014

Cloud nine

I've been seeing a lot of Guy No. 1, who I first brought up a couple posts ago. He's really great, and really sweet to me, and I can tell he actually wants a relationship. He has his life together and has an amazing job, body, house, accomplishments... I've really started to have feelings for him, but...

Then I had my second date with Dreamy this week. I've been thinking about him quite a lot since our first date, but since we were able to get together again, it kind of took him off of a pedestal - so that I can see him as a real guy who I could actually be with. We can joke around, he's really curious about things, and he just overall impresses me. What's happening is that I feel like I'm falling for his personality. He's so different. We even had our first kiss, and it just put me on cloud nine.

Do you guys ever think about your favorite date of all time? Mine is definitely this guy.

The thing is, I hate having viable options between guys! I can sense that Guy No. 1 is going to ask for a commitment soon... He's already asked a little about whether I've been seeing other guys, and he told me he took down his dating profile because he's interested in just seeing me. A while back he told me he went on a couple dates with one other girl around the same time we met but that he doesn't want to talk to her anymore. I didn't say much back or make any promises to him (and he doesn't know I have two dating profiles, haha). He's definitely husband material but being exclusive with him means I can't see Dreamy anymore - something I don't even want to think about! Dreamy is a little older than Guy No. 1, but I can tell he's fine being independent and that the process is going to go more slowly with him. In comparison, Guy No. 1 seems to have a little more of a codependent personality.

Committing to him terrifies me right now, though. I don't know if I'm psyching myself out, or if a lot of girls have a fear of commitment too, even if it's to the right guy. Or maybe this means he's the wrong guy... I don't know!

Maybe I just like that Dreamy is more of a mystery.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Those Who Wait

Good things come to those who wait! Remember Dreamy from my last post?

He got in touch! I got a text from him last night. I decided I would not say a word to him until he first contacted me. I was busy last night so I even waited until my lunch break at work today to get back to him. Delayed gratification creates attraction... I think waiting really paid off - he would know he's got me good if I had hit him up first.

That is all.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Thoughts on dating multiple people...

Things with "promising date" guy from my last post are going well. At one point this weekend, I was pretty sure I had messed things up and that I wouldn't hear back from him again - but nope. It seems that he's hooked. ;)

Fears about disappearing men definitely surface when I start dating someone new. In the several hours between the end of our date and his text later that night, I was already mourning what I thought I had lost with him.

This is where the "dating multiple people" part plays in... I got the assurance I needed that he was still very interested, and that night I also had a first date booked with another guy. This new guy was a bit of a gamble - he found me online, and he was one of those guys who only had one profile picture. It looked fine enough where I was willing to talk to him a little and give it a chance.

I walked into the restaurant and saw a blond guy sitting down. I wasn't sure it was him, but he stood up and greeted me. And he was tall. Wow.

So we sat down and started talking, and almost immediately I was drawn to him. He was definitely good looking, but it wasn't his looks that got me - it was his voice and the way he talked, quietly and slowly, that had me blushing within the first couple minutes. It defined sexy. I seriously could not wipe the smile off of my face.

I've thought about him a lot today. The date went well, and we had great moments - we connected, but I don't know if it's enough for a guy like him. There's nothing that I think I did wrong - it's just that he was one of those guys who is very wise, has a lot of passion, a lot of depth. He's on his own level. I've set my expectations low and have told myself I'll likely never see him again. So I'll just go ahead and name him Dreamy.

Part of me is glad we met. It makes me hopeful that I'll fall crazy in love someday, and it reminds me that guys like Blue and Peter are not even the best of the guys out there. The other part of me sees Dreamy and feels like I will never catch a guy like him - and that I'm going to have to settle if I ever want to get married.

Back in the day, I thought my first dates with Blue and Paolo went well, but I didn't think either would go for me or contact me again. But even so, I heard from both Blue and Paolo the day following the first date, and they let me know they were interested. Dreamy and I didn't text much before we met, just set up the date and that was it. It's been a full day now since our date, and I haven't heard from him.

The sad thing is, he impressed me so much that I'm forgetting why I even like the other guy I just started dating. This is bad...

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Bring on the unexpected

I finally have another d-d-d-date! It's a date that may actually be promising - you know, since on my last one I ended up ditching the dude under the guise of "going to the bathroom."

So this new guy is already in the grad program I'm about to start, but we met online... I sure hope everything remains civil, just in case we ever run into each other on campus. But that's getting ahead of things! To top things off, the date is on a Saturday night (The Rules women would be proud) at a super cool restaurant/bar. To be truthful, the reason my last several (okay, four, but who's counting?) dates didn't go well is because the guys weren't too attractive in reality; they just had a couple pictures that turned out good for them, or their photos disguised a really thin body or their (lack of) height. In the past, I've had a ton of luck meeting smart, sweet hotties online - hopefully that streak hasn't ended!

In other news, I am traveling to New York City in several days for a school-related career event, and I'm staying with a possibly hot, very successful guy who graduated from Harvard and has a badass apartment. I've never met the guy before, and the way I arranged this living situation is a little unconventional, but I'm incredibly excited about the adventure. Bring on the unexpected, I say.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

More on Blue

If you read my last post, you know I decided to contact Blue, an ex from last year. So after he returned my initial message, we engaged in a little small talk via text; but his replies seemed a little shorter than normal. It's as if he was replying because he felt like he had to out of social obligation, not because he wanted to. I decided to just get to the point and asked him if he wanted to get a drink sometime the next week to catch up with each other.

I didn't hear back after that.

I wrote it off, and I was annoyed that he'd responded in the first place if he wasn't even the slightest bit interested in seeing me. I decided I was glad I got in touch with him and that his actions just confirmed that our parting ways was a good thing.

Then, I unexpectedly heard from him again the next week.

He apologized for the delay, saying he'd changed phones and lost his texts/numbers for a few days. I resolved not to read too much into his silence and casually continued the conversation...even though he didn't even address my invitation for a drink. He remained a little short, but he still answered my texts as long as I included a question for him to answer.

I left him alone for a couple days, then in my email, I came across a Derby event that reminded me of him. It sounded like something we'd both enjoy, so I sent him a screenshot of the flyer and asked if he wanted to go. He told me that "unfortunately" he would be out of town and told me where he was going... But he didn't say anything else! No "maybe another time?" or "what about a different night?"...nothing. I chose to be sweet and responded with, "Hope you have fun! Maybe I'll catch you another time." Maybe you noticed, but I didn't include a question for him to answer in the text - I waited to see what he'd say - or if he'd say anything. And I got nothing. It's been about a month now, and I've heard nothing.

It was fun to get the little butterflies over him again, but that book is officially closed. I got my answer, and I'm really okay with it.

Sadly though, I've been on dates with four new guys since my time with Arms, and they all sucked. Really, really sucked. Like, worst dates in my extensive online dating career. I told one of these duds I'd be at a certain concert with friends, and the guy showed up and expected me to spend the entire time alone with him. He turned out to be super awkward and not cute at all - plus he lied about his height by a good 5 inches and made a very inappropriate comment alluding to me going home with him. I don't feel bad about this - but I told him I had to use the ladies room and never came back. Oops.

Quality guys...where are you?!?

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Bad, Bad Girl

I'm sure many ladies would think I'm a bad, bad girl for doing this, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I had nothing more to lose with him. So, I texted Blue. I got over him, met a few new guys, and had my run with Arms, but after all this time, Blue suddenly popped back into my head and wasn't going away. He was going to be one of those guys I started comparing everyone else to - and no one else was living up.

So I was thinking that I only have one life to live, and I still had a glimmer of hope, so I went for it!

I started typing the message in my gym parking lot, and my stomach got a terrible feeling as soon as I pressed the "Send" button. I ran into the gym and immediately threw my phone in a locker and secured it so it would be out of sight for my entire workout.

I had a good hour-plus to tame my nerves, but I couldn't help but get this goofy smile, now that I was allowing myself to remember things about Blue. Our first date on the rooftop... His bright, clear blue eyes (where his nickname came from). The way he smiled at me before we'd go to sleep. The way he looked at me one summer night last year, while we were out dancing and he'd had a little more to drink than usual. How he liked to go to sleep at 10pm because he said he was "getting old."

After my workout, I had a feeling of dread as I pulled my bag out of my locker.

I turned the screen on. Blue's name and an iMessage notification were waiting on my phone...

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Something's off

A couple weekends ago, a girlfriend was Tindering with a guy who invited her to bring her girlfriends for a night out with a bunch of his guy friends. One Friday night, four of us ladies met up with the guys in uptown, and they escorted us (in a party bus!) to a nearby club. There were a couple cute guys in the group, but I was mostly there for the awesome bus and the free drinks/VIP treatment we were promised. ;)

The club was kind of a bust that night, and we kind of had to stand around awkwardly before we even got one free drink. A couple of us girls were feeling a little too sober and like the night wasn't living up to what we'd been told. I felt a little bitchy about feeling that way, but oh well. One of the guys from our group was also standing around looking a little bored, so he walked up to me, saying, "I'm going to come over and stand by you."

He decided to break the ice by asking, "So, what do you look for in a guy?" I liked it. It was a fun conversation to have with someone, especially with a cute guy who you're not sure is interested in you or not. Now that he was right next to me, I noticed that he was pretty much my type (read: blond). I sheepishly admitted that I can't help but being attracted to blond guys, but of course prefaced with that they need to be very smart, nice, respectful, etc. Thinking back, I don't remember what he said in return about his taste in girls, but it was pretty flirty.

He bought me a couple of overpriced drinks and was basically my talking buddy for the night. He was a little shy, but I liked that about him. If a guy's too confident, it leads me to think that 5,766 girls are already after him. Some random (younger and overeager) club girl did keep trying to hit on him throughout the night, but he kept landing by my side instead. At one point, he told me he wanted to tell me a secret.

"What is it?!" I was excited. It sounded juicy.

"So... You're really pretty. Is that stupid?"

I told him it wasn't stupid - that it was cute he said that.

On the ride home, he kicked his legs over my lap, and I tried to steal his shoes. He was cute and easy to be with. I liked him.

He asked about the longest relationship I'd been in. After he heard my answer, he told me I was worse than him, but that he did enjoy being single. "That's probably not what you want to hear, though." Cue awkward silence.

The group got back to the guys' house, and since I had things to do in the morning, I started talking about how I was going to leave soon. He didn't really react. He even disappeared into the kitchen for a while, and he caught me as I opened the front door to go out to my cab.

"It was nice meeting you," he said, waving goodbye.

He had never asked for my number.

Immediately after getting into my cab, I texted my girlfriend who was still at the guys' place (and paired up with the other cute guy) and had her do some quick investigating.

Soon, she texted back with an answer. The guy didn't ask for my number because... He had a girlfriend.

Wow. That hadn't even occurred to me! What about the part where he asked a bunch of relationship questions, or the part where he said he likes being single?! Talk about omitting something pretty big there! Guess the next time I find a flirt buddy for the night, I need to figure out if he really is single or not.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

On the prowl

One of my girl friends and I have been getting sick of the late night bar scene, so the two of us decided to venture out on our own and check out the happy hour crowd after work for a change. She works in one of the big corporate towers, and her boss has been telling her how if she really wants to meet a quality guy, all the young professional guys are out in the surrounding bars and restaurants at XX time after work.

She really does work in a prime location and the bars/restaurants around are incredible and really these are definitely good spots for a man hunt. ;)

Night one we targeted a weekend night, a little after happy hour. We went to a swanky hotel bar, and oh my, it was packed with gorgeous guys. One so-so pair of guys came up to us (one which we had commented on earlier - the taller guy looked famous, but we weren't sure who he was) but they ended up being lame (and not actually famous, after a quick Google consult). We spotted one guy we really wanted to talk to, but he decided not to approach...until he happened to be out in the hotel lobby as we were leaving. And we spotted a wedding ring! Boo! He was even more gorgeous up close, yet right in the more mature age bracket we were hoping to target. Getting closer!

Night two was planned for the prime happy hour timeframe suggested by my friend's boss. Swanky hotel bar was dead, except for older guys. We managed to win a free drink each anyway then quickly headed over to a nice steakhouse next door. Score! - we walked in to a cluster of young professional guys in suits hovering next to the bar. Sadly they continued "networking" for a couple minutes then were seated soon after, leaving us sitting alone at the bar. We bought ourselves a round of fancy drinks and appetizers and an older guy (with a cuter, younger friend - with a wedding ring) chatted us up for a minute. We didn't have any luck there, but that was okay. We were practicing and getting our new routine down!

Guess this night really goes to show that Arms is on the back burner.

My friend kept seeing a bunch of hotties walk into yet another swanky restaurant - the one that Foodie had taken me to on our first date, for one of my best (and most $$$!!) meals ever. We went there next, but to our dismay all the hotties were packed into tables in the back, and there was only room for us at the bar. We got our buzz on for one more drink then called it a night. It was a lot of fun and brought us closer as friends, and the evening gave us a bunch of time to brainstorm for our next couple of nights on the prowl! Young, successful men, here we come!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

In-Between Phase

Happy belated St. Patrick's Day! Did y'all do anything green-themed?

Well, I owe an update on the Arms situation. Is he moving? Is he not? Well, unfortunately it's still complicated. He doesn't have an exact answer as far as his opportunity here in town goes, and he's in the process of signing the dotted lines for the out-of-town offer but could still stop the process if he suddenly got an offer here. He's thrown it out that it would only be temporary, and he's put a number of months on it before he'd move back - but still, that's easy to say and not what always happens in reality.

The possibility of him being far away really got me scared for a minute and I think hyper-inflated my feelings for him. When I had a couple more days to think about it though, I kind of realized that I've started to have a wandering eye and a curiosity about other guys. The next time Arms and I had a date, it was kind of blah and we were both feeling it. We didn't talk much during the week, which was really unusual for us. And since I didn't feel like reaching out to him much, and he didn't initiate anything either, over a week went by without us seeing each other...weird for a time that should be precious to us if he's moving soon.

Thinking back to The Rules (which I've thrown out the window for the most part), if a guy I'm dating isn't trying to book time with me, then back to the dating drawing board I go!

So I basically spent this weekend acting like a single lady! Only...I didn't like it.

So that's where the picture above comes into play...

Haha sorry to fake you out though! It's not what you think. I have this cubic zirconia ring in my jewelry box and am tempted to start wearing it out after what happened this weekend... Basically four different guys tried to kiss me/do other things to me against my will and it came out of nowhere! A friend who was at the same concert as me randomly tried to make out with me - just jumped on me when we weren't even dancing with each other! Earlier on in the weekend a neighbor came into my apartment "for a minute," "to talk to the roommate" (even though I told him to go home because it was 5am and I was dead tired) and then proceeded to watch me brush my teeth, wash my face, etc. and he REFUSED to leave! I was half passing out but was PISSED at the same time. Then he laid on my bed. And would. not. leave. I'm still furious about it just typing this! Who does that?! It goes without saying that I didn't do anything with him, and never would, but this is all to say that the theme of the weekend was dumbass guys irking me to no end. (There were more examples but I won't get into them.)

I'm starting to see the need for labels and engagement rings here. (Not saying Arms and I are anywhere near that stage...) I have another guy to tell you about, but I'll save it for later. Basically, I've started logging back into Tinder, and Arms seems to have noticed and started talking to me much, much more again. I'm still not sure about how I feel about him and a future with him. Guess I might start casually talking to other guys unless I have something definite with him - which, as usual, is what I should have been doing anyway.

And now that I've thrown The Rules out, what do y'all have to say about contacting exes? I'm talking about Blue here. If I'm being honest, I miss him. He tried to reach out to me before Christmas but I ignored him. Not saying that anything will happen, but I just might send him a little text.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Part two and more

The morning after the wedding festivities were over, Arms picked me up to whisk me away to my second destination of the weekend. He was staying a few hours away, so we road-tripped the distance. I was exhausted from drinking and didn't feel like I was good company, but it was good to see him.

He hadn't really explored the area he was living in yet. He was taking a few days off of work so we could play around in the city, so we found a really cool bar to hit up to extend our weekend. I had a bitter and delicious Campari drink, but it only pushed me further into my sleepy spell. Our "night out" didn't make it much longer.

We spent the next couple days cooking for each other, trying restaurants, going to a museum, trying out public transportation, and seeing the sights. I felt like we didn't talk too much though. There was a lot of silence, and while it felt okay, later it had me questioning whether Arms is right for me or not. I'm a pretty quiet person, and need the right people to bring me out of my shell.

I bid him goodbye and flew back home not knowing what to think, but by the end of the week, I was missing him again. He flew home the next weekend, and our experience was totally different. Maybe I just felt comfortable with him over at my place, and us out exploring my city, or maybe it was the fact that I wasn't hungover, but things fell right back into place once he was visiting back home. We had an amazing dinner out, and we felt great being silly with each other.

I really missed him when he had to leave town again, but he'd be moving back in just a few more weeks -- which brings us to now and the present week.

He had a fun surprise for me the day before he got back. He told me he an exploding job offer at his temp location, 800 miles away from me, but didn't have an offer back home. He's back here with me for a couple months, and he finds out in the next couple days if staying here is possible. He's in a really specialized field, and there's a very limited number of places he can work. If he turns it down for my sake, he doesn't have any promise of a job. We know what a hefty bill grad school loans can run, so going where the job is might be a necessity.

It's hard to know what to think. The possibility that he won't be here has gotten my wheels turning, going over what I really have with him. He has almost every last thing that I can ask for in a guy. Things are secure with him, and I don't want to lose it. I know he doesn't want to lose me either, so he's also at a loss of what to do. He's trying to pull some strings here but is running out of time with this exploding offer. He says his schedule over there would leave him a lot of time to travel back to visit me, and he'd only have to stay there one year and then has a spot to come back.

Leaving is not an option for me, since I start grad school in a couple months. Isn't it crazy, after years of dating and going out with dozens of guys, that when you finally find the good one, this would happen? I'm at this place where I'm ready to stop partying, and I feel this sudden urge to be domesticated and spend my weekend nights chilling at home with my guy. I'm changing. And now? It really looks like I'll have to do long distance with the first guy I've been serious about. I think he's worth it, but honestly, I feel like I'll feel so alone without him here. I'll be wanting to go on dates, wanting to use him as an excuse for not staying out late drinking too much with the girls on a Friday, and feeling like we are so far apart because phones don't close the gap.

Time will tell, as usual. Probably tomorrow.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Two Cities, Two Adventures (Part One)

I traveled this weekend to meet up with a bunch of girlies for some bridal festivities. We had a night out on the town and I was quite impressed with the city, even though I adore where I live. One of the girls in our group had a very large chest -- it came up in a conversation that her bra size was much further along in the alphabet than "D" or even "DD." I didn't even know they made bras in that size.

A multitude of guys came up to congratulate the bride-to-be during the night (of course, she was decked out in a sash designating her as such, and all of us minions were in matching ensembles). At our second bar, an extremely gorgeous guy came up to talk to her and then chat up the rest of our group. A few of the girls in our crowd were acting very eager to talk to him, but I decided to act stuck up and ignore him unless he directly addressed me. I wanted to experiment with being a B and see how that would impact his interest in me.

He left us alone for a bit but ultimately gravitated back to us while we were deciding on our next destination. He decided to tag along with us. Fast forward an hour or so, and the gorgeous guy has made his choice. Can you guess who he chose? DD+ Girl. To be quite honest (and catty, sorry), she's a little below average as far as face/weight go. She just has a huge chest. He's grinding up behind her on the dance floor soon, and then they're kissing.

Even though I'd be meeting up with Arms the very next day, I was still jealous. I didn't necessarily want to even kiss this gorgeous stranger. I just wanted him to pick me. I guess I'm blessed to be small-chested in a way. I know guys aren't interested in me solely for my rack. And I don't want a guy who wants me for that anyway. Well, that's what I tried to tell myself about this guy, who was totally my type. He was likely only looking for a hook-up anyway, but it was a shock to me that he went for Miss DD+ over a couple other girls in our group who are much prettier. It was the first time it occurred to me that many guys I find attractive could be passing certain girls up for the larger-chested ladies... It was kind of a disheartening realization.

Obviously, not a big deal, but it was just on my mind. Arms updates to come in part two.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Make-or-Break Moment

So Arms and I have been talking for about two months, and two weeks into that, we first met in person.

Well, Arms is on to his next work assignment and will be temporarily out of the state for two months. Yes, you read that correctly...months! We had to say goodbye this past weekend. He walked me out to my car. It was quite cold outside, but we lingered for a long while, hugging to keep each other warm. He told me he wasn't ready to leave. We agreed that we did not want to release our hug (or stop kissing, hehe).

I haven't had an official boyfriend since high school - one where I 100% knew where we were exclusive. So Arms said the words I've never heard from a guy in my adult life:

      "So where are we wanting this to go?"

I seriously had no idea what to say. I often think too much before I say anything, but this time, in this moment full of opportunities, I opened my mouth too soon.

"I don't know, what are you thinking?"

So basically, I just gave all the power away, was vague myself, and left it in a guy's hands to Define The Relationship.

He didn't do too stellar a job with the defining task either. He reiterated the plans we already made - "I'll come to pick you up after the wedding [a few hours away from his new work site] in two weeks, and the week after, I'll come back here and see you [he has an interview here]."

So now I'm here, iced in at home for the past day and a half after Winter Storm Leon, and I'm missing him and bored, not sure how bad it would look to check into Tinder - where I met him and he can see my activity.

I deleted my OkCupid several weeks/months ago. I deleted my POF today.

I know he doesn't insult me. He wants to see me and makes regular plans to do so. He compliments me. He doesn't annoy me in any way and doesn't act inferior or superior. After being on the dating scene for the past three years, I spot so many things that he does right. He kisses well. He has a great body and an adorable, sincere smile. He makes me feel good. I can chitchat with him yet also not worry if there are silences. He's not a pickup artist. I still remember our first moments seeing each other in person, each of us blushing and smiling too much.

Is he going to be my man? I don't know.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Slow Walk Past the PB Aisle

One night last week I hit the grocery store after I was finished at the gym. I collected everything I needed, but at the last moment I remembered I wanted to check the price of my favorite almond butter - I'd noticed it had gone up two dollars at another store. I ducked into the peanut butter aisle, looked at the price (three dollars higher here!), and out of the corner of my eye, noticed a guy doing a double take. I ignored him and left as quickly as I'd came in.

When I reached the endcap, from the peanut butter aisle I hear the man exclaim, "Good God!"

"If you're not married, I need to take you out."

I paused and kept hiding at the endcap, caught off guard. He continued, "What will it be?"

I managed a feeble, "Maybe," then finally came back to join him after he repeated my statement.

I noticed him better this time. He was my type. He asked for my email address and we joked about our groceries.

I left him for the checkout line, later feeling guilty about exchanging contact info with someone after all the good things that have been going on with Arms. Mr. Peanut Butter (I'll call him PB) emailed me the next morning, but it was a busy day and I didn't write him back until the next afternoon. We exchanged one more round of emails within the next two days, and then things started getting a bit off.

His email started off polite but said our original date plans wouldn't work because he'd made another appointment. He eventually outright said:
You take too long to respond. It's like I'm trying to make plans with a "slow" person ;)
Then the email ended.

Then I noticed another email, written a few hours after the last.
Hey there Slow. You have a couple of options. 5pm at XX. Or 8pm at XYZ. What will it be, Slow?
I wasn't amused. His email was offensive. Childish. Impatient. Inconsiderate.

Did he ask if I'd had a busy week? No. If I didn't hear from an online dating prospect for a couple days, I wouldn't sweat it. He's busy and he'll write back if he's interested enough. Beyond that, each avenue of communication has its own inherent timeframe. Instant Messages are usually immediate. Texting is a little longer. Personal email timeframes are a little longer. I find that messages on online dating sites are often one, two, or more days apart. I don't have access to my personal email at work (we have wonky Wi-Fi) so I'd taken around 12 to 24 hours to respond to each of his messages - not out of the ordinary at all.

If PB had asked for my phone number (and not my email) in the first place, we might already be negotiating plans for date two.

Unfortunately, PB never got to see me again after that first meeting in the peanut butter aisle. Guess I am so "Slow" that it's going to take me literally an eternity to write him back.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Anything for Leonardo DiCaprio

My first news is that I have gotten rid of Foodie, but not before I got a free showing of Wolf of Wall Street out of him. Anything for Leo, am I right?

I've been seeing a lot of Arms lately and haven't gone on dates with anyone else in weeks. He's going to be traveling for work for several weeks here soon. It just so happens that I'm going to a wedding in a city just a few hours from where he'll be working. He volunteered to drive to me that weekend, pick me up, and take off work for a couple days so we can have a little reunion and explore the two areas. He also asked me to be his date for a wedding that is still several months away. He treats me really well. I like being with him, but I also like this feeling with him like I'm in control of my emotions. I'm not obsessing and dwelling on the future.

As we're spending more time with each other, I feel guilty about the possibility of talking to other guys. I really know I should still be dating around, and I want to. But the guilt overwhelms me, so I don't stray! I see that Arms is active on Tinder every few days, so I make sure I am as well - even though I haven't actually been talking to anyone.

In other news, one of my girlfriends has really been bothering me lately. She's a couple years younger than I am, but the more time I spend with her the more immature she seems. She's in a circle with a couple of other girls I adore, so shutting her out is not an option - and there're moments I adore her as well. But she is literally guy-crazy. She's very beautiful but is so clingy that she scares her prospects off fast. I get worried texts from her almost every day that say "Guy X, Y, or Z hasn't texted me back yet today!" She responds to every text within seconds. I'm like, "Girl, you text more than anyone I know. You're dating guys that are older than you. You have to understand that they can't and don't want to text and communicate every moment of every day. Not texting back in two hours does not mean they don't like you!" But sadly, no matter what my friends and I tell her, she's un-teachable.

Lately every girls' night out with her is a drag. It becomes all about her and the guy-of-the-night that she wants to meet out. She'll whine that he bailed on her, or will whine if she doesn't like the bar we're at because there are no guys. It's like she can never enjoy her friends and she just complains the whole time! However, the moment a guy is around who she's content with, she's all smiles and turns up her attitude 300 percent. Obnoxious!

Anyway, end rant. I'm so excited that I start grad school soon, so I can have smart friends. And of course, tons of smart future businessmen at my fingertips, in case this Arms thing doesn't work out. ;)