When you're dating several people but realize there is one you really like, dating the others starts to feel overwhelming and burdensome.
So, what I did was I got rid of all of them but Blue. I was feeling a lot happier just focusing on one guy...
And then this weekend happened.
Going back to my "crazy night" in April, you may recall I mentioned Peter, this guy I had liked a ridiculous amount and for way too long. He was that guy for me, the one who leaves your life who you never get out of your head completely. Unfortunately back when we were in contact (and even on dates), there was a lot of talking and no action. Well... I had another Peter spotting this week. Some friends and I were out one night dancing it up, and it didn't take me long to notice Peter in the room. I managed to avoid staring at him for a good bit of the night. Lately I travel in a group of dance-loving people, so we basically closed down the place. The bar was emptying out, and there were about five people left on the dance floor. Off to the side, I notice Peter - randomly talking to my guy friends.
Talk about a major OMG moment.
So I continued dancing, looking in the opposite direction. My girl friend there asked me if I wanted to come sit in the corner with her and another friend, so I followed her and confided about how much I had liked this guy... And how he was standing there, talking to our friends. Peter's friends had totally disappeared, and my group was the only one left in the room. So I collected all the balls I had, and with the help of some EtOH, I walk right up to him and say, "I think I know you... Peter?"
It's been quite a long time - a couple of years - so I was surprised to hear him say my first and last name (I'm sure I never told him the latter) and say he'd thought about me. He was visibly intoxicated, but he was able to say some of the right things to make it seem like this was a good meeting.
Normally I'm way too nice to guys I really like, but again liquid courage was guiding my way. When he told me he wanted another chance, I put on a show of being skeptical (he was the one that disappeared on me). So, fast forward, I leave the bar and he takes my hand, holding it the entire walk back to my friends' house. A couple hours later, it's just the two of us, and we're almost home. He asks if it's okay if he can take me out again, and I put on my skeptical show again (even though I'm hella excited inside) but end up telling him he can if he really wants to. Finally he asks to kiss me, and we have our first kiss. Took long enough - literally years - but thankfully it was great.
He asked what I was doing the next night, so we kind of merged plans so we could go out in another group. I set my expectations low, figuring he would sober up the next day and not say anything to me. He ended up following through, though.
He had a lot less to drink that next night, but he still acted like he wanted to be there. It ended up being a great night, and we had second kisses and other fun things. It's crazy to me... After I stopped hearing from him years back, I kept thinking I wished I had gotten to kiss him once, just to take the memory with me. I never thought we'd speak again, and definitely never thought any of this would happen if we did. I am excited about what else could happen, but I also am not getting any hopes up. I got the little fantasy I wished for, and I know my life can be fine without him.
What I am worried about, is that my future actions related to liking Peter will mess things up with Blue. I hate juggling two guys I really like. It feels pretty bad. But Peter is making me forget the good things I have with Blue. I'd say Blue is a little cuter, and definitely taller, but Peter is on my mind much more. I want to keep both of them around, in case something goes wrong with one of them, but I feel bad about doing that.
To be continued...