Tuesday, March 18, 2014

In-Between Phase

Happy belated St. Patrick's Day! Did y'all do anything green-themed?

Well, I owe an update on the Arms situation. Is he moving? Is he not? Well, unfortunately it's still complicated. He doesn't have an exact answer as far as his opportunity here in town goes, and he's in the process of signing the dotted lines for the out-of-town offer but could still stop the process if he suddenly got an offer here. He's thrown it out that it would only be temporary, and he's put a number of months on it before he'd move back - but still, that's easy to say and not what always happens in reality.

The possibility of him being far away really got me scared for a minute and I think hyper-inflated my feelings for him. When I had a couple more days to think about it though, I kind of realized that I've started to have a wandering eye and a curiosity about other guys. The next time Arms and I had a date, it was kind of blah and we were both feeling it. We didn't talk much during the week, which was really unusual for us. And since I didn't feel like reaching out to him much, and he didn't initiate anything either, over a week went by without us seeing each other...weird for a time that should be precious to us if he's moving soon.

Thinking back to The Rules (which I've thrown out the window for the most part), if a guy I'm dating isn't trying to book time with me, then back to the dating drawing board I go!

So I basically spent this weekend acting like a single lady! Only...I didn't like it.

So that's where the picture above comes into play...

Haha sorry to fake you out though! It's not what you think. I have this cubic zirconia ring in my jewelry box and am tempted to start wearing it out after what happened this weekend... Basically four different guys tried to kiss me/do other things to me against my will and it came out of nowhere! A friend who was at the same concert as me randomly tried to make out with me - just jumped on me when we weren't even dancing with each other! Earlier on in the weekend a neighbor came into my apartment "for a minute," "to talk to the roommate" (even though I told him to go home because it was 5am and I was dead tired) and then proceeded to watch me brush my teeth, wash my face, etc. and he REFUSED to leave! I was half passing out but was PISSED at the same time. Then he laid on my bed. And would. not. leave. I'm still furious about it just typing this! Who does that?! It goes without saying that I didn't do anything with him, and never would, but this is all to say that the theme of the weekend was dumbass guys irking me to no end. (There were more examples but I won't get into them.)

I'm starting to see the need for labels and engagement rings here. (Not saying Arms and I are anywhere near that stage...) I have another guy to tell you about, but I'll save it for later. Basically, I've started logging back into Tinder, and Arms seems to have noticed and started talking to me much, much more again. I'm still not sure about how I feel about him and a future with him. Guess I might start casually talking to other guys unless I have something definite with him - which, as usual, is what I should have been doing anyway.

And now that I've thrown The Rules out, what do y'all have to say about contacting exes? I'm talking about Blue here. If I'm being honest, I miss him. He tried to reach out to me before Christmas but I ignored him. Not saying that anything will happen, but I just might send him a little text.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Part two and more

The morning after the wedding festivities were over, Arms picked me up to whisk me away to my second destination of the weekend. He was staying a few hours away, so we road-tripped the distance. I was exhausted from drinking and didn't feel like I was good company, but it was good to see him.

He hadn't really explored the area he was living in yet. He was taking a few days off of work so we could play around in the city, so we found a really cool bar to hit up to extend our weekend. I had a bitter and delicious Campari drink, but it only pushed me further into my sleepy spell. Our "night out" didn't make it much longer.

We spent the next couple days cooking for each other, trying restaurants, going to a museum, trying out public transportation, and seeing the sights. I felt like we didn't talk too much though. There was a lot of silence, and while it felt okay, later it had me questioning whether Arms is right for me or not. I'm a pretty quiet person, and need the right people to bring me out of my shell.

I bid him goodbye and flew back home not knowing what to think, but by the end of the week, I was missing him again. He flew home the next weekend, and our experience was totally different. Maybe I just felt comfortable with him over at my place, and us out exploring my city, or maybe it was the fact that I wasn't hungover, but things fell right back into place once he was visiting back home. We had an amazing dinner out, and we felt great being silly with each other.

I really missed him when he had to leave town again, but he'd be moving back in just a few more weeks -- which brings us to now and the present week.

He had a fun surprise for me the day before he got back. He told me he an exploding job offer at his temp location, 800 miles away from me, but didn't have an offer back home. He's back here with me for a couple months, and he finds out in the next couple days if staying here is possible. He's in a really specialized field, and there's a very limited number of places he can work. If he turns it down for my sake, he doesn't have any promise of a job. We know what a hefty bill grad school loans can run, so going where the job is might be a necessity.

It's hard to know what to think. The possibility that he won't be here has gotten my wheels turning, going over what I really have with him. He has almost every last thing that I can ask for in a guy. Things are secure with him, and I don't want to lose it. I know he doesn't want to lose me either, so he's also at a loss of what to do. He's trying to pull some strings here but is running out of time with this exploding offer. He says his schedule over there would leave him a lot of time to travel back to visit me, and he'd only have to stay there one year and then has a spot to come back.

Leaving is not an option for me, since I start grad school in a couple months. Isn't it crazy, after years of dating and going out with dozens of guys, that when you finally find the good one, this would happen? I'm at this place where I'm ready to stop partying, and I feel this sudden urge to be domesticated and spend my weekend nights chilling at home with my guy. I'm changing. And now? It really looks like I'll have to do long distance with the first guy I've been serious about. I think he's worth it, but honestly, I feel like I'll feel so alone without him here. I'll be wanting to go on dates, wanting to use him as an excuse for not staying out late drinking too much with the girls on a Friday, and feeling like we are so far apart because phones don't close the gap.

Time will tell, as usual. Probably tomorrow.