Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Lucky seven, the One, and thinking ahead

So I've had seven dates with Dreamy now, and he continues to impress me. I didn't realize until recently that he travels for work almost every week, so he's usually only in town for a few days per week - but I've had a date with him every single week since our second date. Since "Quality Time" is one of my love languages, it really means a lot to me that he makes so much time for me. Our first date was a shorter one for drinks; however, these past few weeks he's set our dates earlier and earlier in the day, so that we spend the rest of the day together.

On one hand I'm grateful for that - very, very grateful - but on the other, I still wonder if he's seeing anyone else. His dating profile is still up, and since we've been seeing each other regularly, I've only checked to see if he's been online twice (I try to take the "ignorance is bliss" angle - I usually don't want to know). I didn't catch him online either time, which is good, but I have figured out that he has the phone app for the dating site we met on. The phone app makes it hard to tell exactly when they've been online or active last, but it seems like he still logs in weekly.

I can tell he really likes me, and since he only has a few days in town each week (and a lot of his time on one of those days is with me), he doesn't have a lot of time for dating other girls. When he's out of town, he basically has to work the whole time. That would lead me to think he isn't seeing anyone else... But I still wonder. I guess I shouldn't overthink it - he likes me enough to continue asking me out and sharing his time. Things are great with us, too. I'm enjoying things how they are now, and I'm not taking our time for granted.

Wondering about the next step is just how girls are wired, though. I'm not obsessing over it, but I'm worried that I'll keep giving my time and my heart and that a next step won't come - that everything will continue to go smoothly but that he won't ask to make things more serious. He's had long-term relationships in the past, so it's not that or anything he's done to make me think this. My personal experience just tells me that not officially committing and that keeping their options open is just how most guys operate these days. Dreamy isn't like "most guys," and I think he's at a good place in life where he might commit soon. Plus, he's more than four years older than I am, so the added maturity helps. I guess I'm just wondering when I'll know if I'm the one for him or not.

Thursday, July 24, 2014


I've been thinking about timing a lot this past week. After I dated Peter (my biggest crush of all time) for the first time, I often found myself wishing I hadn't met him when I was so young - I thought he would have been more interested if I was wiser, my dating game was better, and my career was more established. When we ran into each other again, and started dating for a second time, I was so excited for a second chance.

But now I see that the failed attempts with Peter have just been preparing me for the future, for a better guy. I hang out with Peter and also some of his friends to this day, on a nearly weekly basis, and I see who he really is now - I know he's not the guy for me (even though I think he's still an adorable and very attractive guy).

I was clingy with Peter. I texted him too much. I initiated and asked him out a lot, although I never pestered him about having his own space and time. I followed him around at parties. Ultimately, he lost interest, and even though we see each other all the time and are friends now, I know we will never get back together.

The thing is, the lessons I learned from my failed attempts to date Peter set me up extremely well to date Dreamy. I let Dreamy be the man and do all the work. I play a feminine role. I let him have his space but make sure the time we do have together is really special. The younger M would not have been able to keep him around for long.

The thing is, Dreamy would not have been in the right place to date me if we had met any earlier. Until a few months ago, he was going through a really hard time and could not focus on a girl seriously due to those life conditions. However, things started to come together, and he got to a really happy place - he was content with himself, his friends, his career, everything. He had some time with that, he put himself back out there (oh, the joys of online dating!), and then we started dating.

I'm so thankful for our great timing.

This past week, several people and situations have been getting on my nerves. I've been getting worked up over tiny little things - blowing them out of proportion. I have to remind myself of the great, positive things I have to lift me back up...my great, optimistic friend N, my badass manager, my cool new co-worker, and quickly approaching grad school, which will change my life for the better, forever. For the first time in a while, I'm glad to count a guy among one of the positive things - a guy who makes me feel content and secure rather than doubtful, paranoid, and questioning.

Here's to acknowledging the upsides this week!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

What actions say

Ever since I dated Paolo, I get a little anxiety about staying overnight at a guy's place. Paolo and I dated for six months, yet he never stayed a full night at my apartment - he would always "have to leave" for some reason or another. I only stayed over at his place for the full night once, and the other times he'd end our date after a couple of hours, saying he had plans with friends or had to get some work done from home (he did have a very demanding job). Part of me liked that he stayed busy, but the other part wondered how long it would be before he would finally make more time for me. When I would hang out at his place, he would drop subtle hints that he wanted me to leave - so I would.

No guy since has the boundary quirks that Paolo did, but his actions still stay in my head sometimes; I wonder if other guys really don't want the girl they are dating to invade their space by staying over. Thankfully, Dreamy is different. When we cooked dinner at his place on date four, we both had work the next morning. I finally said that I should get going, but he told me I could stay. I asked him if he was sure it wouldn't disrupt his sleep, but he assured me it would be fine. Our fifth date (the most recent) was a Sunday night, and he had a very early morning flight to catch the next day. I didn't want to keep him up, so I told him I was sleepy and about to head home. He ignored me and told me to go lie down. The next morning, he was putting on his work clothes (hot!) after his shower, and I stood up and started getting ready to leave. It was very, very early still. He told me I could go back to sleep and that he would wake me up once he was ready, then drive me to my car on his way out. So I climbed back in bed and he awoke me later, pushing back my hair and giving me a sweet kiss.

He wasn't the least bit worried that I was in his space, even right before work/catching a flight. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but it meant a lot to me. I can tell how I really feel about a guy when he is in my space, in my apartment, while I'm getting ready for work. If I get a "I wish he would get the hint and leave" feeling, then that's telling. If I find myself wanting to offer him breakfast, then that's telling as well. With guys like Paolo, I wouldn't even be allowed in their space on a work morning. In contrast, Dreamy was calm and sweet and made me feel so comfortable.

Dreamy also loves to talk before going to bed. It's so attractive to me - we talk about really big things, and he's the one that brings them up. He impresses me so much because I've dated so many guys who don't have much to talk about after we get to know each other. Dreamy and I will be up until entirely too late, hours past my normal bedtime, until it's just him telling me adorable stories, with me sleepily and barely responding - exhausted but still wanting to be awake with him. I may have felt like a zombie at work after the last few times we've stayed up like that, but it was completely worth it. It afforded me more time with him.

Sigh... Somehow dating the coolest guy ever makes me feel even better about myself, instead of feeling less secure. I should start letting him know I really appreciate him, but I don't compliment him or flatter him much... I think I've done a good job of non-verbally letting him know I like him, but otherwise I've been playing it cool. I'm a big fan of this one though, if you couldn't already tell.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Compare and contrast

Guy No. 1 is officially upset with me. He's turned into a bit of a clinger, which came as a surprise since he's so good on paper. He's been asking me to hang out nearly every day, which has really been a turn-off - especially because they are usually last-minute requests. At first, I didn't say anything to him about liking to plan ahead; instead, I would tell him I had other plans. Midday this past Friday, a holiday, he asked if I wanted to meet up later. It wasn't attractive to me that he didn't have any plans, plus I just wanted to spend time with friends without having the guy cling to my side the entire day. Frankly I've felt like I was pretending the last couple of times I've seen him, and I don't want to have to fake liking someone anymore. I feel bad, since he's been really sweet and has treated me so well, but I can't see this working out long-term if he annoys me this early on.

So I plain didn't text him back about his request to do something that day. For all he knew, I could have been with another guy, or busy at the lake, and unable to write back, but a couple days later, he texted again with the tone of an upset, needy little girl. I politely told him I had wanted to have some time on my own with friends and that his request was last-minute, but he was not happy that I had "ignored" him. It really annoys me that people feel like others are obligated to text them back right away or be available 24/7. Sometimes I don't want to be available to a guy, and I know most guys feel the same way towards girls! Guy No. 1 and I haven't spoken since, and since I have been wanting to break things off with him anyway, this little fight might just give me an easy way out.

I think he is waiting for me to reach out to smooth things over, but I really don't feel like saying anything...

Dreamy, on the other hand, is wonderful, as usual. We cooked our first dinner together, and I was really impressed with what we came up with together - it was so delicious! Little things like that help me to see that we have common lifestyles and interests, and it was really fun to see his place for the first time, too. I've also said before that I can be a little bit quiet, but he's a really great person to have a conversation with - he definitely complements my shy side well.

And yes, Dreamy did make sure there was dessert after our home-cooked meal. He did good!

While they are both very tall (the same height, in fact), attractive, and successful business guys, if you look further, there is just no comparison between Guy No. 1 and Dreamy. Dreamy likes to exercise, talk about meaningful things, cook and eat well, plan ahead, and lead a busy social life outside of his busy work schedule, while Guy No. 1 constantly talks about being lazy with working out (he's in shape...for now, at least), doesn't ever cook, eats all his meals at restaurants, is messy at home, and depends on me for most of his social life. It is quite clear who is the better match...