Sunday, October 26, 2014

A Dance and a Bad Date

The Dance

Lately I haven't spent much time with my new classmates outside of school, but I decided to go out with them one night this week after we had a particularly tough few school days. I actually had such a fun night with them, which I wasn't expecting at all! Occasionally, recently, I'll get the "I'm too old for this" thought when I'm at bars, or I'll just feel out of place/antisocial. So, it was a great surprise that the night was going so well!

I mentioned "back-up" boys in a previous post and the fun of having a crush (okay, actually, back then I had a few of them) as a "back up" in case things with Dreamy didn't work out. One of my school crushes (we'll call him DC) was out with us this weekend, and he and his roommate both showed up for the night fairly tipsy to begin with. Once we moved to the second bar of the night, a bunch of tunes starting playing that were begging for sing-alongs. So our entire group moved to the dance floor and were singing and dancing our little hearts out.

DC is a shy guy normally, but he wasn't too shy at the bar. He started twirling one of our classmates, and then another, and then he decided he wanted to dance with me. We've had our moments before - I've only been out with him a couple times but we clicked and had fun all of those times. I don't talk about my personal life with my classmates, so almost none of them know about Dreamy. Well, so DC and I were dancing, and I was smiling a lot because I think he's cute. So then he started trying to kiss me - multiple times. As tempted as I was, and even though Dreamy isn't technically my boyfriend (more like "basically my boyfriend," because things are pretty sure as they are, without the label), I turned DC down on each attempt.

Finally he stopped trying, and he hung his head down, with this embarrassed look. I kept telling him, "It's okay, it's okay," and gave him a couple kisses on the cheek. I didn't want him to feel rejected, because I do like him, but: 1. He was quite a bit drunk. I was closer to the sober end and it would be weird to kiss a guy who I don't know is really into me. 2. I'm too old for kissing boys in bars! I need to be taken on a date if a guy wants a kiss! 3. He may be shy, but still, he's never put in the effort to ask me out/get my number/text me before. A boy's gotta work for that kiss - it isn't free! 4. I would feel guilty about kissing someone other than Dreamy.

We both had to be at school at the same time the next couple of days, and at first, it wasn't awkward. I was walking with his roommate the morning after, and saw DC and called out, "Hey DC, how are you feeling this morning?!" He joked that he was not feeling quite up to par. However, after that, we avoiding talking/making eye contact for the next 48 hours.

Now, I'm off on a trip in the city that never sleeps, and we don't have school again for another week - so there's not much opportunity to try to smooth the awkwardness over. DC is a very smart and well-intentioned guy - I don't want him to feel rejected or bad about acting out (after he'd drank too much), but I don't know how to fix it.

The Bad Date

Dreamy and I had a "meh" date this weekend as well. He's not perfect - there are a couple things I don't like about him - but he ragged on me a little more than normal during our date, and I was fairly annoyed with him for a couple reasons as well. I don't really like his music taste, and that was part of one of the things. But coupled with the fact that he was a little critical of me (and he's never been like that before except in a joking way), as soon as I walked in the door, I just did not like the way he smelled. He's slipped once before with keeping his breath outside of tip-top condition, but this time, he had some kind of B.O. that I don't want to even describe. How is there possibly a (nice?) way to tell someone this?!

I didn't feel very close to him and there wasn't much emotional connection that night - which is normally something I feel so strongly with him. Thankfully, the next morning, we had a good talk, and I felt better about things (but I think I left smelling a little like him - ew). I am just trying to remind myself that a relationship is work, and it's not always going to be perfect. I have to keep the good and important things in the forefront - not the superficial things. I don't like the critical thing he said about me, because it's not true if you consider the circumstances (I don't want to go into it now). At the time, part of me was glad he's not an official boyfriend, because that night, I wasn't so sure if I wanted us to have a future. But I'm going to try to be positive, because there are so many good things, and try to put the bad night behind me - aside from telling him why he hurt my feelings. It's bad, but if I'm being honest, part of me wants to see if DC is a good kisser. Well, there's the truth.


  1. Smell is a big part of attraction, and it varies so much person to person. There's people I can smell a mile away that manage to have happy marriages (clearly their spouses don't mind it). I've broken up with at least 2 guys because I couldn't stand how their breath smelled (mints didn't help, just their baseline).

    That said, regardless of how Dreamy smells, it's good to keep a 'back up' - you aren't official until you are!

  2. I agree with Sabrina, smell is an underrated sense, but I think it is really important! I guess, it depends on your preference, but for me, I wouldn't be able to deal with it, as it's a 'deal-breaker' for me... Maybe he just had a hectic day and forgot/didn't have time to shower?

    Having a back-up is good, although DC doesn't sound like he knows what he wants! Like you say, he should be trying to get your number and ask you out on a date, rather than offer you drunk kisses!

    I'm sorry to hear Dreamy said some critical things about you. I guess, sometimes it's the people who are closest to us that have the most potential to hurt us... I hope it clears up though and I'm glad you managed to talk about it!

  3. Smell is huge to me! I associate scents so strongly with people, and if it's a negative smell it would be hard to ignore.

    Don't blame you for being frustrated by him being overly critical or picking at you. Next time maybe say something about it?

    As far as the backup, I think it's semi-reasonable until you define your relationship. However, just remember that the grass is always greener in any relationship on those moments when you're frustrated or bored or anything less than beautifully happy, and you will never always be beautifully happy no matter how good a relationship may be. :-)