Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Make-or-Break Moment

So Arms and I have been talking for about two months, and two weeks into that, we first met in person.

Well, Arms is on to his next work assignment and will be temporarily out of the state for two months. Yes, you read that correctly...months! We had to say goodbye this past weekend. He walked me out to my car. It was quite cold outside, but we lingered for a long while, hugging to keep each other warm. He told me he wasn't ready to leave. We agreed that we did not want to release our hug (or stop kissing, hehe).

I haven't had an official boyfriend since high school - one where I 100% knew where we were exclusive. So Arms said the words I've never heard from a guy in my adult life:

      "So where are we wanting this to go?"

I seriously had no idea what to say. I often think too much before I say anything, but this time, in this moment full of opportunities, I opened my mouth too soon.

"I don't know, what are you thinking?"

So basically, I just gave all the power away, was vague myself, and left it in a guy's hands to Define The Relationship.

He didn't do too stellar a job with the defining task either. He reiterated the plans we already made - "I'll come to pick you up after the wedding [a few hours away from his new work site] in two weeks, and the week after, I'll come back here and see you [he has an interview here]."

So now I'm here, iced in at home for the past day and a half after Winter Storm Leon, and I'm missing him and bored, not sure how bad it would look to check into Tinder - where I met him and he can see my activity.

I deleted my OkCupid several weeks/months ago. I deleted my POF today.

I know he doesn't insult me. He wants to see me and makes regular plans to do so. He compliments me. He doesn't annoy me in any way and doesn't act inferior or superior. After being on the dating scene for the past three years, I spot so many things that he does right. He kisses well. He has a great body and an adorable, sincere smile. He makes me feel good. I can chitchat with him yet also not worry if there are silences. He's not a pickup artist. I still remember our first moments seeing each other in person, each of us blushing and smiling too much.

Is he going to be my man? I don't know.

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