Conflicting dating theories

Regarding the Chase saga: I last left off when I was upset and agonized over hoping I'd hear from him on a Friday night. Thank goodness I had fun plans with friends the next night to take my mind off of him and my disappointment. Unfortunately, a very wise guy friend was present, who offered to compose a "chill" text message for me telling Chase which area of town we were hitting up that night and inviting him to join.

Chase wrote back shortly afterwards to say he was currently at a bar a couple miles away. I wasn't sure what to say, since he obviously had already set up shop with friends there, but I wasn't about to go ditch my plans to go running to him, especially since he wasn't exactly down the street. Drunken decisions again got the best of me, when I allowed another girl to convince me to tell him I was at X bar and that he should come dance with me. I heard nothing for a while, and then he asked if I was going to dance with him. At this point, his spelling was off, and I could see a little bit of drunk text syndrome taking over.

Since I'd already been out with my friends for most of the night and they wanted to go home soon, they told me it would be permissible for me to go meet him. Only thing was, Mr. Chase was too far gone to text me coherently anymore. He called me to ask what the plan was, and since I was on my way home and my phone was about to die, I told him he could come over (bad M!), and he agreed to the plan. (He has slept over a couple times before but was well-behaved, if you know what I mean.) I knew it was bad to do this, but I just wanted to see him. He called again right before I got home to say he was stopping at his place then coming over, but combined with his state at that point in the night, this stop at home meant he was unlikely to actually make it to my place. I hoped he would, but he didn't show.

He texted me a couple times that week, and I'm quite certain he doesn't remember talking on the phone that night. The text conversations were really short. I wasn't sure why he was reaching out if he didn't want to talk that much or suggest that we see each other. He did ask if I was going to a festival the next weekend, which didn't end up working out on my end. Even though he didn't end up going either, he didn't suggest seeing each other otherwise.

Admittedly it does bother me that he acts like, and says, he really likes me when he's drinking, and then barely acknowledges I exist when he's sober. I don't need someone like that. I'm too old for that. But I still had feelings for him, and this is where two different arguments come up against each other. One side says that guys can be shy and that they won't ask girls out, even ones they really like; the girl has to make it abundantly clear that it would be well-received, or she has to do the asking herself. Part of me was trying to convince myself he might be one of those guys, but he asked me out perfectly fine for this event downtown. This side of thinking, inspired by this podcast, says guys like girls that aren't passive and who take some initiative with guys - that it's okay to let a guy think you might like him.

The other voice, the other side of the argument, says that if he likes me enough, he will make things happen between us; if he isn't making his interest clear to me and asking me out, then there is no genuine interest.

At this point, the second argument is winning. I'm not trying to talk to him, I'm not thinking about him as much, and I'm trying to talk to and date other guys again. I really am getting over him pretty well, but I just thought I'd update you all on where the story has settled. ;) My goal is to start getting excited about a couple of other guys so that when Chase resurfaces, I'm in a really great place instead of being overeager and still pining. My roomie has been the one to coordinate all the groups that have led to Chase and I running into each other, but she's been traveling a lot lately; as a result, I haven't run into him by accident since the last time she schemed for Chase and I to meet. Chase and I also go to school together but are on opposite schedules and haven't run into each other there yet. I'm sure I'll see him one way or another soon, but if he's not trying to text me or call me or make plans, I would much rather just talk to him the next time I see in person rather than plot my next "accidental" meeting or use my energy trying to craft the perfect texts. In person is just easier.

Part of me wishes I hadn't ever met Chase, even though I really and truly adored him. I was in this awesome headspace before him, this "look at my badass, single, party-filled life" mentality, and was just so excited about possibilities, about being free of Dreamy, about having a post-MBA job offer already signed. I'm trying to get that back. I hate that meeting him and being disappointed by him took it away and made me start to doubt myself.

In other news, I've been pretty good at spotting red flags with new (dating app) guys. There is one who was demanding about me switching over from the app to texting/giving him my phone number, who brought up the word "sleepover" within the first few texts, and who sends a bunch of texts and questions before I've responded to the first. RED FLAGS. Irritating. He is asking if we're still going out now, to which I greeted with silence. Responding, "Sorry, I just don't think we're a match," is going to lead to more questions, more texts, and probably insults - so I'm going to keep silent on this one. I just wish he would get it - spelling this type of thing out is not going to be pretty.

Cross your fingers for me, please!