Irritated

I've told multiple people now that I'm dating my future husband. Things have been so good, but I think speaking these words is coming back around to bite me in the ass.

August and I had a great date earlier in the week, but since he's been unreliable and frustrating. I've been really irritated over it, because normally he's very communicative. Of course I start to overanalyze and wonder what it all means - if he's losing interest or just busy.

It started after earlier in the week, when he invited me to hang out with him and his friends Friday (which was last night). I had Friday dinner plans but told August I'd text him and see where he was after. So I had this prior invite from him, you see, and so when I did text him during Friday dinner he kind of just blew me off and made no mention of us hanging out at all later. I was trying to push the conversation toward figuring out when he'd be at the bars so I could join, but he just wasn't helpful at all. It made me really confused, because he seemed like he had really wanted me there earlier. I just let the text conversation end, because he just made me feel unwanted.

We'd had definite plans for this afternoon (Saturday) but only a general timeframe. So the morning comes and goes and he's made no mention of our plans today. I told myself I'd wait and not say anything until he did, but I caved and shot him a curt text about meeting him. Over an hour later (definitely after the timeframe we'd discussed), he finally texts me back and says he's held up with something else at his friend's house. I'm glad he texted back, but I'm also pissed and irritated. I wonder if the evening would have went by with nothing from him if I hadn't said something first.

This is the type of shit Paolo used to do. I'm going to have to have a talk with August, but it's going to be hard. Everything has been great up until now, but I feel like I'm going to come off really bitchy when I bring this up. When I'm around him, I've been sweet as sugar so it's a side he hasn't seen. Is it too much to ask to just confirm plans? Sabrina talks about this all the time, so maybe it's just drilled into my brain, but I thought confirming plans was common courtesy.

Another thing that is awkward for me with him is the meeting the friends thing. He went to undergrad in town, so he knows loads of guy friends here. They hang out all the time and he's been talking about me coming with him to all these events he and the guys have coming up. It makes me excited, but at the same time, I don't have big groups of friends I party with here. I usually hang out with friends one-on-one or similarly small groups. I don't keep guy friends around too long because they always want more, and I don't have too many large group events that go on regularly that I'd even bring him to. What's he going to do, hang out as a third wheel when a girlfriend and I have dinner? I just feel like he's going to think I'm lame and don't have any friends because I haven't talked about inviting him along to anything that's going on in my life. I feel like this is one of those deep worries I don't want to talk with him about.

Aside from that, he'd better kiss ass today and make it up to me, because even after writing this rant-seeming blog post, I'm still mad at him!

Gossip Juice

This is the post where I will tie up loose ends about various boys I've blogged about.

Hot Tanner

Tanner was gorgeous and a lot of fun for one night. When I finally texted him with a clever opening, he responded very boringly and continued boring remark after boring remark. He didn't really try to further the conversation, and after the first text convo, he never initiated contact with me again. He has been crossed off my list - he's too much effort and doesn't seem too interested in me, so I won't force it. I also found his dating profile (thought he was too hot to have one) and saw he's two years younger than me. The Tanner storyline has closed.

Pacific Guy

Pacific Guy was promising at first, but he's still a grad student - has no car and lives on another side of town. It is a lot of effort to continue dating him. He is sweet and seems like he cares. The physical chemistry is great, but it's not enough for me. He's a talker, which I like; we don't have much in common though, and I have lost interest. I don't engage his texts anymore and have let it fizzle out. He got busy with school but seems to have taken the hint that I'm not actively trying to talk with him anymore.

Hot Date

Hot Date is definitely going to need a name, because he's going to be around for a while. I shall name him August. We've gone on two dates, and I'm so excited about him. He is classy, so respectful, and treats me really well, and things are just easy with him. I love being around him and talking to him, and he didn't even try to kiss me until the end of the second date (which made me want it really really bad). The kiss was a short one but really sweet, and thank GOD, he's a great kisser. My kissing luck is turning around! I'm meeting more of his friends next weekend for a music festival. Oh, and he's cute. Maybe I really can have everything I want...

Here's one catch: August knows my most recent ex (Paolo), and August knows I know Paolo because of Facebook. August doesn't know that Paolo is my ex.

Other Recent Dates

1. Guy without a job, who cannot drive because he has a new criminal record, who is the world's most annoying texter, who lives way out in the suburbs: The first date was pretty great, but I am kicking him to the curb. It is so annoying to have to pay to go on dates with him. I don't expect a guy to buy me everything, but if I want to hang out with him I know I always have to shell out the cash. Oh, and he lives with his parents.

2. Guy who is my neighbor, with poor hygiene, who drives an awesome car: This guy has never invited me on a real date but acts like we're dating. We do have hilarious conversations but it's never much substance. He asks to hang out daily but waits until at least 10pm to invite me to do anything - and it's either a trip to a fratty bar or to watch a movie at his place (I know what that means). I also think he's the reason I got a UTI. He's not going near me again.

3. Guy who I'm supposed to go out on a first date with tomorrow: We'll call this one Shad. It's a miracle we were able to schedule a date. He will ask me with only a few hours notice on a Friday or Saturday night to go out. Um, dude, no. I'm also very interested in August so my head's really not going to be in the game on this date. I'll just give Shad a shot because we've been talking for a few weeks, but if I'm not into it in the least, I'm not going to lead him on.

Paolo Update

When we broke up, Paolo said he didn't want to date anyone and wanted to spend time on himself and with his friends. A month later, some annoying girl starts posting on his Facebook wall every weekend those check-in statuses: "Annoying Girl is with Paolo at X Restaurant." A few days ago, she posted pictures of them together on vacation in a different state. Paolo is such a liar. I know I deserve better, so I am over the moon I have met August.

August and I went out last night and were happily walking around downtown, when I see Paolo ride by on his bike. I'm almost positive Paolo saw it was me, so I hope he felt it right in the gut - even just a tiny stab of jealousy - seeing his old friend August and his awesome ex on a date. Do I sound evil right now? Probably. Oh well.


Well, I believe you're sufficiently caught up on my dating life, save for one creepy story. I'll hold that story for next time. Hint: It involves a spa.

Hot Date

In less than two hours, I have a hot date. Instead of figuring out what I'm going to wear (because it's stressing me out), I am writing a blog post. Oh well. It's the first guy in a while that I've been excited about.

A couple of patterns have been arising in first dates lately:

1. Horrible kissers. What is with guys? Maybe I have had the privilege of dating a lot of good to excellent kissers up until March of 2013, but hot damn. We've got a bunch of clueless twenty-somethings out there, and I'm hitting the worst kissers all right in a row.

2. Overeager texters. Seriously, don't these dudes know the rules? Don't reply immediately all the time, and don't freaking text me five times in a row before I answer! So annoying. I just ignore the first few ones and only address the last text. Ridiculous. I'm this close to dumping a guy I had a great first date with because of this. It makes him seem really needy and desperate.

Thankfully, my date is not an overeager texter. We'll see about the kissing skillz...

Crazy night

I went downtown this weekend with my roommate Elle and her coworker Jay. We took the light rail because we knew we'd be drinking, and while Elle was fumbling with the ticket machine, my heart stopped when I saw Peter, a guy I used to date. It was only a couple of dates, but I was much more obsessed with him than I care to admit. I didn't get to know him too well, and it was two years ago, but I'm being literal when I say that he still crosses my mind daily.

He's the one who decided to stop talking to me, so I was super embarrassed to see him. Quickly I not so casually turned the opposite direction of Peter so I was facing Jay. I was in the clear - Peter hadn't seen me. When we walked down the train platform, I tried to lead my group as far down as possible so that Peter wouldn't have a chance of recognizing me. He and his friends ended up sitting one train car down from ours, so I was still safe.

I had several more glimpses of Peter as we were exiting the train into downtown. He still looked the same, blond and absolutely gorgeous. At this point I could tell he was very very drunk, but of course, since I think everything he does and says is perfect, I thought the drunkenness was endearing. He'd been polite and well-mannered on our dates, so it was funny to see him loud and with his guy friends.

My group caught the end of a live music event downtown, and as I started to exit the crowd, I saw Peter had been standing a few people behind me the whole time. I walked right by him - I was just inches away, but I avoided eye contact and he didn't seem to recognize me.

Jay, Elle, and I decided to go back uptown to go to the bars by our apartments. We went to this rooftop lounge for a little bit, when Jay gets a text from his friend Tanner. Jay tells us that Tanner was at the moment on a first date with a new girl and tells us the whole hilarious story of how Tanner asked the girl out. We were really excited when Tanner said he'd meet us at the lounge, because we wanted to ask him all the details about the date.

I've briefly met Tanner once before, but it was so brief (and dark) I'd forgotten about it. I was really bummed when he got to the lounge, because I didn't remember that he was smoking hot. I was even sadder when he was telling us the date went really well. He's exactly the type I go for - blond, smart, confident, and gorgeous. He and Jay each bought the group a round of shots, so I was feeling pretty good by the time we headed to the next bar.

Jay and Elle got into their own conversation, and Tanner and I have some career aspirations in common so we started talking about that. Jay got us another round of shots so the nerves around gorgeous Tanner were nonexistent at this point. We discussed where to go next and agreed on a really fun but fratty bar with a huge dance floor. I was really excited because I was so ready to dance at this point. Somehow Jay and Elle were trailing behind, so Tanner and I got to the fratty bar first, got drinks, and headed to the dance floor. He immediately wanted to dance with me, so I was excited about that, and he took it down low and everything so it was quite amusing.

All of a sudden, Tanner was kissing me. I had no idea if Jay and Elle could see us, but he kept dipping me low and spinning me and stuff, and my beer cup was really full so I kept spilling beer all over both of us. Thankfully he didn't care, and we were barely there for 15 minutes before Tanner said he was ready to leave. Without saying a word to Jay or Elle, he leads me outside, and we hop into a cab headed back to his place...

Haha so that happened. He told me he'd felt bad about everyone asking the details of his date once he saw that I was there (!), and I, in an uncharacteristic manner that can be attributed to alcohol, told him I was disappointed when I'd heard he just went on a date because I thought he was gorgeous. He gave me lots of compliments, and it was an excellent time. It was nice to have some excitement after not being drunk/brave enough to approach Peter earlier in the evening.

I had to work so Tanner drove me home in the morning, but as I was getting out of the car, he said he had a good time and mumbled something about going out again, but then... He didn't ask for my number! He's too hot to let go, so I asked for his. I haven't texted him yet - I don't know what to say. I know he's interested in actually dating because he took out that other girl (to a really nice restaurant too). But...he has a second date with her, and I don't know if he is categorizing me as a one-time hookup or someone he'd date. I had a really fun time during our escapades, but I hate this uncertain feeling when nighttime choices like this happen! Do y'all have any advice for how I should proceed with him??

Personal Space Invader

Back when I was dating Paolo, I kind of felt like my life was "set." I didn't feel the need to make plans with friends as often anymore, and I would keep my weekends open until Paolo and I had our dates scheduled. I drifted away from so many people - I was so content from being around him that not too much else mattered to me.

Now that we've broken up, I've been going out a lot. It's nice to do whatever I want, knowing that I'm 110% single. I loooove going out dancing, so not too long after the breakup, a girlfriend and I went to a new club and danced it up. We went to another strip of bars after, and I danced like a crazy woman (I am so awesome at this particular dancing technique) until we closed out the bar. Soon after some really tall dude put his hands on my shoulders (couldn't decide whether it was hot-aggressive or creepy-aggressive) and started a conversation. We talked for less than 60 seconds before I had to leave to jump in our taxi, and I hesitated to give him my number, but he insisted so I did it.

He was kind of goofy when he texted me later in the weekend, but it seemed friendly and not flirty. When he suggested we hit up a Mexican place for margaritas on a weeknight, I took it as just fun times hanging out with a new friend.

When I walked into the bar, Tall Dude was already there. He came up front to meet me and then led me back to where he was camped out, but the chair he pulled out for me was so close to his. I tried to pull away a little bit without being obvious, but we were still sitting way too close to each other. In less than five minutes of being there, he's holding my hand. At that point I was really like, WTF?! Holding hands is so cute when you adore a guy, but I was so creeped out. The conversation kind of stopped flowing because I just lost interest. I decided I was not into him like that, and I'd come mentally prepared to meet a new friend, not for a date.

After 45 minutes at the first bar, he suggested we go to a different place up the road. We walked outside, and after only 46 minutes of knowing me he decides to kiss me. He's so effing tall, and his stature so overpowering, that there was nothing I could do. I kept my mouth shut and waited for it to be over. I thought it would have been really bitchy to split after being with him for such a short time, so I followed him in my car to the next bar. Several times while I was driving, I considered turning around and just going home.

Normally I am so good at saying no to guys, and I hate this, but after 20 minutes at the next bar (I ordered water instead of alcohol, hahaha), he suggested we go to his apartment right behind the bar. I tell him I'm tired, I really need to go to bed, that I need to get up at 6, etc., but he's not having it. "I'm just going to show you that YouTube video I was telling you about - you have to see it, and right after that you can leave!" he says. I tell him fine, but I can only stay for five minutes.

The video was boring as hell, and it was definitely at least five minutes (of martial arts). (I even tried to sit on a different couch than him but he made me sit next to him...ughh no...) His life revolves around martial arts and I find it bone-dry boring. After hearing him talk, I might even hate it as much as I hate football (although I know myself well enough that if it were coming from my dream guy, there would be no ill feelings). Tall Dude introduced me to his hot roommate, which was exciting, but I was quickly let down when Hot Roommate's girlfriend came downstairs so they could leave - leaving Tall Dude and I, unfortunately, alone. Of course, I see Hot Roommate drive away in a freaking Porsche. Damn! (Tall Dude drives something dumpy and not even close to a Porsche.)

Quickly I told Tall Dude I needed to leave, and he tried to kiss me again. I stood still and endured the kiss for a few seconds, but decided I would never see him again so I should test how he is at making out. I tried to get into it, but he sucked, so I left and never responded to any of his text messages again.

I totally understand if you're drunk at a bar/club and pretty quickly get "friendly" with a guy - but if you're sober, didn't agree your meeting was a date, and you've known the guy for less than 10 minutes, a guy trying physical gestures that suggest you're a couple is not okay. Just creepy and gross!

Pacific Dates

I had a pretty good Valentine's Day. I was worried that if I didn't have something planned, I'd just stay home alone crying over Paolo. I'm going to call the new boy I mentioned in the last post "Pacific Guy." Having a second date on V-Day wasn't awkward as I feared it might be. With the "keeping it casual" mindset, we went to a pub. It ended up being quiet there and actually quite hilarious... It seemed as if it was Senior Citizen Night at the bar or something - so many older couples. One elderly duo was particularly amusing - the wife was sitting on a bar stool and her husband was rolled up to the bar in his wheelchair. Looking back, it would have been awesome to buy them a shot and pose with them for a V-Day group photo.

I was kind of sold on Pacific Guy after the first date but after the second I've stepped back a little. We had a great time though and things ended up getting hot by the end of the night. ;) He also started doing this thing that is just the sweetest gesture ever - he'll take my hand and intertwine our fingers, then kiss the top of my fingers. I don't know what a swoon physically looks like but that's what I was doing inside! But we'll have to see how things go. I'm not sure I feel like I can be myself and share myself around him, but it is a little early to tell.

I said I'd write about our first date as well. His pictures online were very endearing but our messaging conversations left me wondering about what he'd be like in person. I was very pleased when I first laid eyes on him. He was cuter in person and was dressed well. By the end of the night, I had also decided he had a pretty hot voice. I wasn't feeling very clever or talkative that night for some reason (my normal first date persona is usually #winning as Courtney Robertson would say), so I was worried things would be awkward; however, Pacific Guy liked to talk and it was a pleasant surprise. He was definitely winning me over and made statements that he was feeling really good and excited about us. He's also good at saying the right things (I'm not).

We talked at the bar, tried some local beers, played some bar games, and then walked to a second bar (one of my old favorites in the area). Then, we were that couple. I've never been into PDA unless I think the guy I'm with would be widely accepted as good looking (sounds shallow, I know). So we kept getting closer and closer while we were talking and eventually totally made out in the middle of a crowded bar. He has this genuine, caring look about him when he kisses me. It makes me think he may be sincere.

I've started thinking about Paolo a little again and all the "what ifs." I'm sad to have lost him and that I've had to let go of all the hopes for what could have been between us. No use dwelling on it, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about Paolo. I did not Facebook stalk him while we were dating (such self-control I have!) but totally have gone all out since and it makes me miserable when I do it. The sad thing is, his work life kept him so busy, so I don't know how much of an impact I had on him. I thought about him constantly when we were dating, but I don't know if he'll miss me or ever think of me, or try to get in contact. I do have a few of his things still so I suppose we'll speak again.

What's really important to me now is to figure out what Pacific Guy really wants. I'm all for having fun in the moment, but I want to invest my time in someone who will be important in my future - not in a guy who will just be in my life "for now." I never asked those questions of Paolo, but eventually found out what I needed to know when we broke up. Paolo couldn't give me his time, full attention, or commitment. He's taught me a lot of new things about what I want in a guy, and I knew exactly what I wanted when I started seeing him. With Pacific Guy, I'm seeing good things that were missing with Paolo - specifically, that he seems to want companionship like I do.

This post is getting unhealthy - too much overanalyzing for one day. Have a great Sunday evening!

Countdown

My past two Valentine's Days have been awful. I know myself well enough as a dater now that "not doing" Valentine's Day is a dealbreaker if you're a guy dating me (semi-seriously, that is).

It's not about the extras. I don't want them. It's about thinking a girl is special enough for you to set aside other plans and just spend time with her on February 14th. Each of the guys I dated ended up getting dumped not too long after they made me feel just not special at all on V-Day. This year I was so nervous to bring up V-Day with the guy I'd been dating for six months, only to have it taken off the table when he decided he didn't need me anymore. We stopped seeing each other just weeks before V-Day, and one of the first things I thought about after the breakup was that I wouldn't have a valentine!

However, as I am a woman who likes to make things happen, not only have I met a new incredible guy just days after my breakup, but we also have a casual Valentine's date planned. On one hand, I'm excited, and on the other, I'm feeling a little awkward and under pressure. I don't want to ruin our vibe though - we had a fantastic first date and we were both really excited about our next. But how the V-Day date got scheduled is just embarrassing...

We were trying to figure out when to see each other next, and he threw out a couple days he'd be free this week, including the Thursday that happened to be V-Day. I thought maybe it was a hint that he wanted to make plans to be my special valentine, so I tried to take the awkward burden off of him and broach the subject myself. I texted him, "We should do a Valentine's date...It would be fun!" I sweated and panicked and second-guessed myself nanoseconds after I pressed send, then heard back, "Oh really, that's Valentine's? Didn't even realize." He asked if that would be awkward (since we just met) but we agreed to keep things super chill, so I think I'm excited. Two weeks ago I was freaking out about not having a valentine...but now I'm freaking out that he might feel awkward! Privileged girl problems, I know...

I'll let you know how this goes, and don't worry, I won't deprive you of the juicy details about our first date either!