I had a pretty good Valentine's Day. I was worried that if I didn't have something planned, I'd just stay home alone crying over Paolo. I'm going to call the new boy I mentioned in the last post "Pacific Guy." Having a second date on V-Day wasn't awkward as I feared it might be. With the "keeping it casual" mindset, we went to a pub. It ended up being quiet there and actually quite hilarious... It seemed as if it was Senior Citizen Night at the bar or something - so many older couples. One elderly duo was particularly amusing - the wife was sitting on a bar stool and her husband was rolled up to the bar in his wheelchair. Looking back, it would have been awesome to buy them a shot and pose with them for a V-Day group photo.
I was kind of sold on Pacific Guy after the first date but after the second I've stepped back a little. We had a great time though and things ended up getting hot by the end of the night. ;) He also started doing this thing that is just the sweetest gesture ever - he'll take my hand and intertwine our fingers, then kiss the top of my fingers. I don't know what a swoon physically looks like but that's what I was doing inside! But we'll have to see how things go. I'm not sure I feel like I can be myself and share myself around him, but it is a little early to tell.
I said I'd write about our first date as well. His pictures online were very endearing but our messaging conversations left me wondering about what he'd be like in person. I was very pleased when I first laid eyes on him. He was cuter in person and was dressed well. By the end of the night, I had also decided he had a pretty hot voice. I wasn't feeling very clever or talkative that night for some reason (my normal first date persona is usually #winning as Courtney Robertson would say), so I was worried things would be awkward; however, Pacific Guy liked to talk and it was a pleasant surprise. He was definitely winning me over and made statements that he was feeling really good and excited about us. He's also good at saying the right things (I'm not).
We talked at the bar, tried some local beers, played some bar games, and then walked to a second bar (one of my old favorites in the area). Then, we were that couple. I've never been into PDA unless I think the guy I'm with would be widely accepted as good looking (sounds shallow, I know). So we kept getting closer and closer while we were talking and eventually totally made out in the middle of a crowded bar. He has this genuine, caring look about him when he kisses me. It makes me think he may be sincere.
I've started thinking about Paolo a little again and all the "what ifs." I'm sad to have lost him and that I've had to let go of all the hopes for what could have been between us. No use dwelling on it, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about Paolo. I did not Facebook stalk him while we were dating (such self-control I have!) but totally have gone all out since and it makes me miserable when I do it. The sad thing is, his work life kept him so busy, so I don't know how much of an impact I had on him. I thought about him constantly when we were dating, but I don't know if he'll miss me or ever think of me, or try to get in contact. I do have a few of his things still so I suppose we'll speak again.
What's really important to me now is to figure out what Pacific Guy really wants. I'm all for having fun in the moment, but I want to invest my time in someone who will be important in my future - not in a guy who will just be in my life "for now." I never asked those questions of Paolo, but eventually found out what I needed to know when we broke up. Paolo couldn't give me his time, full attention, or commitment. He's taught me a lot of new things about what I want in a guy, and I knew exactly what I wanted when I started seeing him. With Pacific Guy, I'm seeing good things that were missing with Paolo - specifically, that he seems to want companionship like I do.
This post is getting unhealthy - too much overanalyzing for one day. Have a great Sunday evening!