I've been thinking about writing this several times but I haven't felt ready yet. I still don't feel ready or like I've processed everything but I just feel like writing would make me feel better.
My daydreams entitled "I'm Dating My Future Husband" have come to an abrupt, unwelcome halt. August is an incredible guy. He's so many things I've been looking for, plus he has all these characteristics I didn't know I wanted but now I do. He's looking for a wife and a long-lasting future with someone. After an incredible whirlwind of dates and even hanging out with him and his friends for an entire weekend, as you know, I got sudden silence from him. It really got to me. He'd been so warm to me, so interested, and I wasn't used to him being cold.
While I was on a date with this Asian guy (I met him when I was undeniably tipsy at the pool, and I remember his English being much more fluent poolside) and he was in the restroom, I checked my phone and was shocked to see a missed call from August. I'd had one the night before too, but I thought it was an accident or a pocket-dial because he never left a message. After a weekend moping over not hearing from August, I was ridiculously giddy again in a nanosecond. I'm not fond of the fact that I do that.
I have no self control and had to call him back that night, literally seconds after Mr. Asian dropped me back off at my place. I'd had coffee before the drinking date with Mr. Asian, so the combination of caffeine and a very strong bourbon cocktail left me feeling very ready to have a li'l chit-chat with August. We got a couple of sentences of small talk in before I started in on exactly what I was thinking.
"It was really hurtful that I didn't hear back from you at all this weekend."
He threw in some comments about being busy with errands and apartment shopping. Then he told me, "I've been doing a lot of thinking over the week about us, and there are some hesitations I have that make me unsure."
Of course I was quite curious to hear what they were, and I told him as much.
I don't want to give my real identity away, just in case some technology stalker freak from my past figures out this is my blog (I'm paranoid like that), so I wish I could tell you exactly what August said so you would know how RIDICULOUS his thinking is. Essentially it's a disagreement over eating habits, and it could likely be resolved if we talked about it a little more (or if he tasted my cooking) - especially since we'd been doing a lot of activity dates and had eaten a total of two meals alone together.
After he told me about this issue, I said, "Is that really a big enough concern to give up on something good that's going on?" If you have real feelings for someone, this wouldn't be something you'd throw away a relationship over.
"I know it's silly," he said, "and I think you're so great. I've had a really good time with you, and I wonder if in a week or a month from now I'm going to regret this and want to text you or call you up. But I just never thought I would marry a girl who XX."
Talk about confusing.
I told him I won't be waiting around for him to decide I'm worth his time again. He said he agreed that I shouldn't do that. I told him the choice was up to him.
In normal-person speak, he seemed to be trying to say he felt a physical/emotional connection with me, but this one particular fact about me is a dealbreaker. I must add, he's basically known most of this fact since the beginning of us emailing one another.
I was confused as hell. He even said he discussed this issue with his friends and that his friends love me and think he's being dumb.
I asked, "Do you have any other issues with us? Are you sure that's all?" There had to be something else - something he didn't like about me on the inside. Pretty sure he thinks I'm a hottie, so it can't be that. ;)
He came back with, "Well, I know you're not into sports like I am. That's something I really enjoy and is important to me."
Ridiculousness #2. What?? I have told him (and I have email proof), that I like going to live games (if I have a giant beer in my hand, it's a great time!) but don't root passionately for any teams in particular. I'm just happy to be there and don't care who wins the game. I told him that I'm a girl and there are going to be some differences in interests (such as shoe shopping), but that I'm happy to be involved in things he likes.
I just feel like now that he doesn't understand me. I'm a flexible and adaptable person. I'm willing to do a lot for a guy that I genuinely care about. I'm happy to compromise. The character flaw that came out in him over our conversation is that he doesn't like one of my particular interests, and he's not willing or ready or even ready to talk about compromise even part of the way over it, even though I would be. He knows so little about my belief in this issue - he just knows the surface - so I think he misunderstands. He says I deserve a guy who will like me for these things, but that he's having trouble with them.
What this phone call with him tells me is that he doesn't like me enough to overlook our small differences. That he is willing to throw me away because of a small thing he is scared of. Part of me thinks this warrants another conversation with him, to assure him we'd be okay, but the other part doesn't believe him - that this stupid little thing is just an excuse to avoid telling me why he really doesn't think we'll work.
Stupidly I'm going on other dates, trying to busy myself in conversation with other perfectly nice guys, but my mind won't get off of August. It's not even one of those "You want it because you can't have it" things - I was incredibly interested much before he started going cold. I'm stupidly waiting for him to call or text, telling me he was wrong and he misses me.
I know like with Paolo, I'd get over it eventually, but I just don't want to let August go. August said he wanted to be friends and see me still occasionally, but I just told him we'd be seeing about that.
If I'm being honest with myself, I know I don't have much to lose by being assertive and either
(a.) getting further closure from him so I can move on
or
(b.) persuading him to have another conversation about our issues to clarify misunderstandings and try again.
But fellow readers, I graciously invite any of you to bring me back down to earth. How often has an invite to another conversation, or an invite to try again, lead to an actual relationship or marriage?
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Not this again
It's beating a dead horse to bring him up again, but the truth is I was likely in love with Paolo when he broke things off. I didn't see how my life would go on after we broke up. I had nothing to look forward to and I thought I couldn't look at any other guy the way I saw and adored Paolo. It was foolish, as warning signs were there and I ignored them. Since then I've written him off as the ultimate commitment-phobe.
How long does it really take to fall in love? In just a few weeks, at least internally, I started to reach obsessing status with August. I started to get really hopeful, because I didn't think I would feel again for a long time after Paolo. August and I have seen each other three weekends in a row, and I met his friends this past one. Minutes after my last post, he texted and then called me about our plans. It seemed like all my doubts had been unfounded - that I was being dramatic. An hour after posting I was over at his place with his friends as planned.
August remained so sweet to me and was treating me so well I couldn't believe it. We bid farewell last weekend with talk of seeing each other the next weekend. We'd spent time together three different days last week, and all things considered together, it seemed like we were on the fast track to relationship status. He remained respectful and didn't even try to get sex from it, although he had the opportunity multiple times.
I texted him midweek, and he wrote back immediately but wasn't too talkative. I dismissed it - I wrote him back late in the evening and didn't ask him any questions or give him much to follow up on. He didn't say another word and then it was Friday. I feel like I take too much and don't give enough when it comes to talking to guys, so I initiated contact with him again, asking what he had going on this weekend. Total silence.
Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I tried to keep myself busy, lamely but hopefully waiting to hear from him - hoping the case would be the same as last week's episode of poor communication. It wasn't. It was different. Eventually I hit breaking point, and it became late enough in the day where I knew I wouldn't hear from him. If he wanted to just text a few words, he would have. I moped for the rest of the day. I feel like the heartbreak has hit rock-bottom.
My dad called in the evening. While I was talking to him, August called as well. I couldn't believe it. I didn't click over to answer August's call but figured I'd give it at least an hour and then try back. I swung from miserable to happy and relieved. I got off the phone with my dad only to see August hadn't left a message. No text. Nothing. It didn't seem like it rang that long, but I have a brand new phone so I wasn't sure. I wondered for a moment if he called by accident and hung up.
I consulted Google for advice about when to call him back, and ultimately just went for it and called an hour later. No answer. It seemed like the one person I was waiting to hear from did indeed accidentally call me. He didn't pick up his phone a mere hour later and hasn't contacted me since, so it seems like the only explanation.
I feel dumb for feeling so torn up over August, but deep down, my gut instincts told me I might be dating my future husband. Honestly, he seemed very serious about us and like he was really into me. He has a history of staying in relationships for a very long time, and he's stated he's looking for something long-term. I have no idea what happened to make him lose interest in just a few days, but in this situation it's been long enough where it's completely unacceptable that he disappears without saying anything. If only you guys could read our initial messages from OkCupid, you would understand what I mean and how different things have been with him. It's crazy to me to have so much interest from him, to zero. From so much courtesy, to zero.
At first I thought I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of trying to contact him again, but now I feel that I need to talk to him a final time before walking away for good. I've drafted up a biting text that normally I wouldn't send, but I just need to get a word in even if he doesn't return any words of his own. At minimum, I want to let him know his behavior is not ok.
Writing this has made me feel better, but I'm still feeling empty inside. Love is the primary thing I want in my life right now. Now that I've been so close a couple of times recently it hurts that much harder to have my heart broken. It makes it so hard to trust a guy again, when I have one that totally trips me up. Hell, it's hard to trust myself, when I can be so wrong as to think a guy is one of those rare genuine gentleman, and then he turns out to be an inconsiderate ass at the core. It worries me that my radar can be so far off to be hopeful about a future with a guy who ends up not respecting me at all. To be fair to myself though, he's said (in what I thought was a humble, genuine way) that he's a guy that really does respect women.
I have a date with a new guy tonight (since I'm writing this post at 5 AM technically) and it's coming at a good time to help me keep my mind off of August. At the same time, I'm not sure I'm ready. The impact of August's actions will be running in the background. It's going to be really hard to believe and trust the guys that come after him. I don't find guys I like often, but when I do, I fall much more quickly than I'm comfortable with.
What I still can't believe it that I lasted five more months with commitment-phobe Paolo than I did with self-advertised "long-term" August.
How long does it really take to fall in love? In just a few weeks, at least internally, I started to reach obsessing status with August. I started to get really hopeful, because I didn't think I would feel again for a long time after Paolo. August and I have seen each other three weekends in a row, and I met his friends this past one. Minutes after my last post, he texted and then called me about our plans. It seemed like all my doubts had been unfounded - that I was being dramatic. An hour after posting I was over at his place with his friends as planned.
August remained so sweet to me and was treating me so well I couldn't believe it. We bid farewell last weekend with talk of seeing each other the next weekend. We'd spent time together three different days last week, and all things considered together, it seemed like we were on the fast track to relationship status. He remained respectful and didn't even try to get sex from it, although he had the opportunity multiple times.
I texted him midweek, and he wrote back immediately but wasn't too talkative. I dismissed it - I wrote him back late in the evening and didn't ask him any questions or give him much to follow up on. He didn't say another word and then it was Friday. I feel like I take too much and don't give enough when it comes to talking to guys, so I initiated contact with him again, asking what he had going on this weekend. Total silence.
Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I tried to keep myself busy, lamely but hopefully waiting to hear from him - hoping the case would be the same as last week's episode of poor communication. It wasn't. It was different. Eventually I hit breaking point, and it became late enough in the day where I knew I wouldn't hear from him. If he wanted to just text a few words, he would have. I moped for the rest of the day. I feel like the heartbreak has hit rock-bottom.
My dad called in the evening. While I was talking to him, August called as well. I couldn't believe it. I didn't click over to answer August's call but figured I'd give it at least an hour and then try back. I swung from miserable to happy and relieved. I got off the phone with my dad only to see August hadn't left a message. No text. Nothing. It didn't seem like it rang that long, but I have a brand new phone so I wasn't sure. I wondered for a moment if he called by accident and hung up.
I consulted Google for advice about when to call him back, and ultimately just went for it and called an hour later. No answer. It seemed like the one person I was waiting to hear from did indeed accidentally call me. He didn't pick up his phone a mere hour later and hasn't contacted me since, so it seems like the only explanation.
I feel dumb for feeling so torn up over August, but deep down, my gut instincts told me I might be dating my future husband. Honestly, he seemed very serious about us and like he was really into me. He has a history of staying in relationships for a very long time, and he's stated he's looking for something long-term. I have no idea what happened to make him lose interest in just a few days, but in this situation it's been long enough where it's completely unacceptable that he disappears without saying anything. If only you guys could read our initial messages from OkCupid, you would understand what I mean and how different things have been with him. It's crazy to me to have so much interest from him, to zero. From so much courtesy, to zero.
At first I thought I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of trying to contact him again, but now I feel that I need to talk to him a final time before walking away for good. I've drafted up a biting text that normally I wouldn't send, but I just need to get a word in even if he doesn't return any words of his own. At minimum, I want to let him know his behavior is not ok.
Writing this has made me feel better, but I'm still feeling empty inside. Love is the primary thing I want in my life right now. Now that I've been so close a couple of times recently it hurts that much harder to have my heart broken. It makes it so hard to trust a guy again, when I have one that totally trips me up. Hell, it's hard to trust myself, when I can be so wrong as to think a guy is one of those rare genuine gentleman, and then he turns out to be an inconsiderate ass at the core. It worries me that my radar can be so far off to be hopeful about a future with a guy who ends up not respecting me at all. To be fair to myself though, he's said (in what I thought was a humble, genuine way) that he's a guy that really does respect women.
I have a date with a new guy tonight (since I'm writing this post at 5 AM technically) and it's coming at a good time to help me keep my mind off of August. At the same time, I'm not sure I'm ready. The impact of August's actions will be running in the background. It's going to be really hard to believe and trust the guys that come after him. I don't find guys I like often, but when I do, I fall much more quickly than I'm comfortable with.
What I still can't believe it that I lasted five more months with commitment-phobe Paolo than I did with self-advertised "long-term" August.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Irritated
I've told multiple people now that I'm dating my future husband. Things have been so good, but I think speaking these words is coming back around to bite me in the ass.
August and I had a great date earlier in the week, but since he's been unreliable and frustrating. I've been really irritated over it, because normally he's very communicative. Of course I start to overanalyze and wonder what it all means - if he's losing interest or just busy.
It started after earlier in the week, when he invited me to hang out with him and his friends Friday (which was last night). I had Friday dinner plans but told August I'd text him and see where he was after. So I had this prior invite from him, you see, and so when I did text him during Friday dinner he kind of just blew me off and made no mention of us hanging out at all later. I was trying to push the conversation toward figuring out when he'd be at the bars so I could join, but he just wasn't helpful at all. It made me really confused, because he seemed like he had really wanted me there earlier. I just let the text conversation end, because he just made me feel unwanted.
We'd had definite plans for this afternoon (Saturday) but only a general timeframe. So the morning comes and goes and he's made no mention of our plans today. I told myself I'd wait and not say anything until he did, but I caved and shot him a curt text about meeting him. Over an hour later (definitely after the timeframe we'd discussed), he finally texts me back and says he's held up with something else at his friend's house. I'm glad he texted back, but I'm also pissed and irritated. I wonder if the evening would have went by with nothing from him if I hadn't said something first.
This is the type of shit Paolo used to do. I'm going to have to have a talk with August, but it's going to be hard. Everything has been great up until now, but I feel like I'm going to come off really bitchy when I bring this up. When I'm around him, I've been sweet as sugar so it's a side he hasn't seen. Is it too much to ask to just confirm plans? Sabrina talks about this all the time, so maybe it's just drilled into my brain, but I thought confirming plans was common courtesy.
Another thing that is awkward for me with him is the meeting the friends thing. He went to undergrad in town, so he knows loads of guy friends here. They hang out all the time and he's been talking about me coming with him to all these events he and the guys have coming up. It makes me excited, but at the same time, I don't have big groups of friends I party with here. I usually hang out with friends one-on-one or similarly small groups. I don't keep guy friends around too long because they always want more, and I don't have too many large group events that go on regularly that I'd even bring him to. What's he going to do, hang out as a third wheel when a girlfriend and I have dinner? I just feel like he's going to think I'm lame and don't have any friends because I haven't talked about inviting him along to anything that's going on in my life. I feel like this is one of those deep worries I don't want to talk with him about.
Aside from that, he'd better kiss ass today and make it up to me, because even after writing this rant-seeming blog post, I'm still mad at him!
August and I had a great date earlier in the week, but since he's been unreliable and frustrating. I've been really irritated over it, because normally he's very communicative. Of course I start to overanalyze and wonder what it all means - if he's losing interest or just busy.
It started after earlier in the week, when he invited me to hang out with him and his friends Friday (which was last night). I had Friday dinner plans but told August I'd text him and see where he was after. So I had this prior invite from him, you see, and so when I did text him during Friday dinner he kind of just blew me off and made no mention of us hanging out at all later. I was trying to push the conversation toward figuring out when he'd be at the bars so I could join, but he just wasn't helpful at all. It made me really confused, because he seemed like he had really wanted me there earlier. I just let the text conversation end, because he just made me feel unwanted.
We'd had definite plans for this afternoon (Saturday) but only a general timeframe. So the morning comes and goes and he's made no mention of our plans today. I told myself I'd wait and not say anything until he did, but I caved and shot him a curt text about meeting him. Over an hour later (definitely after the timeframe we'd discussed), he finally texts me back and says he's held up with something else at his friend's house. I'm glad he texted back, but I'm also pissed and irritated. I wonder if the evening would have went by with nothing from him if I hadn't said something first.
This is the type of shit Paolo used to do. I'm going to have to have a talk with August, but it's going to be hard. Everything has been great up until now, but I feel like I'm going to come off really bitchy when I bring this up. When I'm around him, I've been sweet as sugar so it's a side he hasn't seen. Is it too much to ask to just confirm plans? Sabrina talks about this all the time, so maybe it's just drilled into my brain, but I thought confirming plans was common courtesy.
Another thing that is awkward for me with him is the meeting the friends thing. He went to undergrad in town, so he knows loads of guy friends here. They hang out all the time and he's been talking about me coming with him to all these events he and the guys have coming up. It makes me excited, but at the same time, I don't have big groups of friends I party with here. I usually hang out with friends one-on-one or similarly small groups. I don't keep guy friends around too long because they always want more, and I don't have too many large group events that go on regularly that I'd even bring him to. What's he going to do, hang out as a third wheel when a girlfriend and I have dinner? I just feel like he's going to think I'm lame and don't have any friends because I haven't talked about inviting him along to anything that's going on in my life. I feel like this is one of those deep worries I don't want to talk with him about.
Aside from that, he'd better kiss ass today and make it up to me, because even after writing this rant-seeming blog post, I'm still mad at him!
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Gossip Juice
This is the post where I will tie up loose ends about various boys I've blogged about.
Here's one catch: August knows my most recent ex (Paolo), and August knows I know Paolo because of Facebook. August doesn't know that Paolo is my ex.
2. Guy who is my neighbor, with poor hygiene, who drives an awesome car: This guy has never invited me on a real date but acts like we're dating. We do have hilarious conversations but it's never much substance. He asks to hang out daily but waits until at least 10pm to invite me to do anything - and it's either a trip to a fratty bar or to watch a movie at his place (I know what that means). I also think he's the reason I got a UTI. He's not going near me again.
3. Guy who I'm supposed to go out on a first date with tomorrow: We'll call this one Shad. It's a miracle we were able to schedule a date. He will ask me with only a few hours notice on a Friday or Saturday night to go out. Um, dude, no. I'm also very interested in August so my head's really not going to be in the game on this date. I'll just give Shad a shot because we've been talking for a few weeks, but if I'm not into it in the least, I'm not going to lead him on.
August and I went out last night and were happily walking around downtown, when I see Paolo ride by on his bike. I'm almost positive Paolo saw it was me, so I hope he felt it right in the gut - even just a tiny stab of jealousy - seeing his old friend August and his awesome ex on a date. Do I sound evil right now? Probably. Oh well.
Well, I believe you're sufficiently caught up on my dating life, save for one creepy story. I'll hold that story for next time. Hint: It involves a spa.
Hot TannerTanner was gorgeous and a lot of fun for one night. When I finally texted him with a clever opening, he responded very boringly and continued boring remark after boring remark. He didn't really try to further the conversation, and after the first text convo, he never initiated contact with me again. He has been crossed off my list - he's too much effort and doesn't seem too interested in me, so I won't force it. I also found his dating profile (thought he was too hot to have one) and saw he's two years younger than me. The Tanner storyline has closed.
Pacific GuyPacific Guy was promising at first, but he's still a grad student - has no car and lives on another side of town. It is a lot of effort to continue dating him. He is sweet and seems like he cares. The physical chemistry is great, but it's not enough for me. He's a talker, which I like; we don't have much in common though, and I have lost interest. I don't engage his texts anymore and have let it fizzle out. He got busy with school but seems to have taken the hint that I'm not actively trying to talk with him anymore.
Hot DateHot Date is definitely going to need a name, because he's going to be around for a while. I shall name him August. We've gone on two dates, and I'm so excited about him. He is classy, so respectful, and treats me really well, and things are just easy with him. I love being around him and talking to him, and he didn't even try to kiss me until the end of the second date (which made me want it really really bad). The kiss was a short one but really sweet, and thank GOD, he's a great kisser. My kissing luck is turning around! I'm meeting more of his friends next weekend for a music festival. Oh, and he's cute. Maybe I really can have everything I want...
Here's one catch: August knows my most recent ex (Paolo), and August knows I know Paolo because of Facebook. August doesn't know that Paolo is my ex.
Other Recent Dates1. Guy without a job, who cannot drive because he has a new criminal record, who is the world's most annoying texter, who lives way out in the suburbs: The first date was pretty great, but I am kicking him to the curb. It is so annoying to have to pay to go on dates with him. I don't expect a guy to buy me everything, but if I want to hang out with him I know I always have to shell out the cash. Oh, and he lives with his parents.
2. Guy who is my neighbor, with poor hygiene, who drives an awesome car: This guy has never invited me on a real date but acts like we're dating. We do have hilarious conversations but it's never much substance. He asks to hang out daily but waits until at least 10pm to invite me to do anything - and it's either a trip to a fratty bar or to watch a movie at his place (I know what that means). I also think he's the reason I got a UTI. He's not going near me again.
3. Guy who I'm supposed to go out on a first date with tomorrow: We'll call this one Shad. It's a miracle we were able to schedule a date. He will ask me with only a few hours notice on a Friday or Saturday night to go out. Um, dude, no. I'm also very interested in August so my head's really not going to be in the game on this date. I'll just give Shad a shot because we've been talking for a few weeks, but if I'm not into it in the least, I'm not going to lead him on.
Paolo UpdateWhen we broke up, Paolo said he didn't want to date anyone and wanted to spend time on himself and with his friends. A month later, some annoying girl starts posting on his Facebook wall every weekend those check-in statuses: "Annoying Girl is with Paolo at X Restaurant." A few days ago, she posted pictures of them together on vacation in a different state. Paolo is such a liar. I know I deserve better, so I am over the moon I have met August.
August and I went out last night and were happily walking around downtown, when I see Paolo ride by on his bike. I'm almost positive Paolo saw it was me, so I hope he felt it right in the gut - even just a tiny stab of jealousy - seeing his old friend August and his awesome ex on a date. Do I sound evil right now? Probably. Oh well.
Well, I believe you're sufficiently caught up on my dating life, save for one creepy story. I'll hold that story for next time. Hint: It involves a spa.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Hot Date
In less than two hours, I have a hot date. Instead of figuring out what I'm going to wear (because it's stressing me out), I am writing a blog post. Oh well. It's the first guy in a while that I've been excited about.
A couple of patterns have been arising in first dates lately:
1. Horrible kissers. What is with guys? Maybe I have had the privilege of dating a lot of good to excellent kissers up until March of 2013, but hot damn. We've got a bunch of clueless twenty-somethings out there, and I'm hitting the worst kissers all right in a row.
2. Overeager texters. Seriously, don't these dudes know the rules? Don't reply immediately all the time, and don't freaking text me five times in a row before I answer! So annoying. I just ignore the first few ones and only address the last text. Ridiculous. I'm this close to dumping a guy I had a great first date with because of this. It makes him seem really needy and desperate.
Thankfully, my date is not an overeager texter. We'll see about the kissing skillz...
A couple of patterns have been arising in first dates lately:
1. Horrible kissers. What is with guys? Maybe I have had the privilege of dating a lot of good to excellent kissers up until March of 2013, but hot damn. We've got a bunch of clueless twenty-somethings out there, and I'm hitting the worst kissers all right in a row.
2. Overeager texters. Seriously, don't these dudes know the rules? Don't reply immediately all the time, and don't freaking text me five times in a row before I answer! So annoying. I just ignore the first few ones and only address the last text. Ridiculous. I'm this close to dumping a guy I had a great first date with because of this. It makes him seem really needy and desperate.
Thankfully, my date is not an overeager texter. We'll see about the kissing skillz...
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Crazy night
I went downtown this weekend with my roommate Elle and her coworker Jay. We took the light rail because we knew we'd be drinking, and while Elle was fumbling with the ticket machine, my heart stopped when I saw Peter, a guy I used to date. It was only a couple of dates, but I was much more obsessed with him than I care to admit. I didn't get to know him too well, and it was two years ago, but I'm being literal when I say that he still crosses my mind daily.
He's the one who decided to stop talking to me, so I was super embarrassed to see him. Quickly I not so casually turned the opposite direction of Peter so I was facing Jay. I was in the clear - Peter hadn't seen me. When we walked down the train platform, I tried to lead my group as far down as possible so that Peter wouldn't have a chance of recognizing me. He and his friends ended up sitting one train car down from ours, so I was still safe.
I had several more glimpses of Peter as we were exiting the train into downtown. He still looked the same, blond and absolutely gorgeous. At this point I could tell he was very very drunk, but of course, since I think everything he does and says is perfect, I thought the drunkenness was endearing. He'd been polite and well-mannered on our dates, so it was funny to see him loud and with his guy friends.
My group caught the end of a live music event downtown, and as I started to exit the crowd, I saw Peter had been standing a few people behind me the whole time. I walked right by him - I was just inches away, but I avoided eye contact and he didn't seem to recognize me.
Jay, Elle, and I decided to go back uptown to go to the bars by our apartments. We went to this rooftop lounge for a little bit, when Jay gets a text from his friend Tanner. Jay tells us that Tanner was at the moment on a first date with a new girl and tells us the whole hilarious story of how Tanner asked the girl out. We were really excited when Tanner said he'd meet us at the lounge, because we wanted to ask him all the details about the date.
I've briefly met Tanner once before, but it was so brief (and dark) I'd forgotten about it. I was really bummed when he got to the lounge, because I didn't remember that he was smoking hot. I was even sadder when he was telling us the date went really well. He's exactly the type I go for - blond, smart, confident, and gorgeous. He and Jay each bought the group a round of shots, so I was feeling pretty good by the time we headed to the next bar.
Jay and Elle got into their own conversation, and Tanner and I have some career aspirations in common so we started talking about that. Jay got us another round of shots so the nerves around gorgeous Tanner were nonexistent at this point. We discussed where to go next and agreed on a really fun but fratty bar with a huge dance floor. I was really excited because I was so ready to dance at this point. Somehow Jay and Elle were trailing behind, so Tanner and I got to the fratty bar first, got drinks, and headed to the dance floor. He immediately wanted to dance with me, so I was excited about that, and he took it down low and everything so it was quite amusing.
All of a sudden, Tanner was kissing me. I had no idea if Jay and Elle could see us, but he kept dipping me low and spinning me and stuff, and my beer cup was really full so I kept spilling beer all over both of us. Thankfully he didn't care, and we were barely there for 15 minutes before Tanner said he was ready to leave. Without saying a word to Jay or Elle, he leads me outside, and we hop into a cab headed back to his place...
Haha so that happened. He told me he'd felt bad about everyone asking the details of his date once he saw that I was there (!), and I, in an uncharacteristic manner that can be attributed to alcohol, told him I was disappointed when I'd heard he just went on a date because I thought he was gorgeous. He gave me lots of compliments, and it was an excellent time. It was nice to have some excitement after not being drunk/brave enough to approach Peter earlier in the evening.
I had to work so Tanner drove me home in the morning, but as I was getting out of the car, he said he had a good time and mumbled something about going out again, but then... He didn't ask for my number! He's too hot to let go, so I asked for his. I haven't texted him yet - I don't know what to say. I know he's interested in actually dating because he took out that other girl (to a really nice restaurant too). But...he has a second date with her, and I don't know if he is categorizing me as a one-time hookup or someone he'd date. I had a really fun time during our escapades, but I hate this uncertain feeling when nighttime choices like this happen! Do y'all have any advice for how I should proceed with him??
He's the one who decided to stop talking to me, so I was super embarrassed to see him. Quickly I not so casually turned the opposite direction of Peter so I was facing Jay. I was in the clear - Peter hadn't seen me. When we walked down the train platform, I tried to lead my group as far down as possible so that Peter wouldn't have a chance of recognizing me. He and his friends ended up sitting one train car down from ours, so I was still safe.
I had several more glimpses of Peter as we were exiting the train into downtown. He still looked the same, blond and absolutely gorgeous. At this point I could tell he was very very drunk, but of course, since I think everything he does and says is perfect, I thought the drunkenness was endearing. He'd been polite and well-mannered on our dates, so it was funny to see him loud and with his guy friends.
My group caught the end of a live music event downtown, and as I started to exit the crowd, I saw Peter had been standing a few people behind me the whole time. I walked right by him - I was just inches away, but I avoided eye contact and he didn't seem to recognize me.
Jay, Elle, and I decided to go back uptown to go to the bars by our apartments. We went to this rooftop lounge for a little bit, when Jay gets a text from his friend Tanner. Jay tells us that Tanner was at the moment on a first date with a new girl and tells us the whole hilarious story of how Tanner asked the girl out. We were really excited when Tanner said he'd meet us at the lounge, because we wanted to ask him all the details about the date.
I've briefly met Tanner once before, but it was so brief (and dark) I'd forgotten about it. I was really bummed when he got to the lounge, because I didn't remember that he was smoking hot. I was even sadder when he was telling us the date went really well. He's exactly the type I go for - blond, smart, confident, and gorgeous. He and Jay each bought the group a round of shots, so I was feeling pretty good by the time we headed to the next bar.
Jay and Elle got into their own conversation, and Tanner and I have some career aspirations in common so we started talking about that. Jay got us another round of shots so the nerves around gorgeous Tanner were nonexistent at this point. We discussed where to go next and agreed on a really fun but fratty bar with a huge dance floor. I was really excited because I was so ready to dance at this point. Somehow Jay and Elle were trailing behind, so Tanner and I got to the fratty bar first, got drinks, and headed to the dance floor. He immediately wanted to dance with me, so I was excited about that, and he took it down low and everything so it was quite amusing.
All of a sudden, Tanner was kissing me. I had no idea if Jay and Elle could see us, but he kept dipping me low and spinning me and stuff, and my beer cup was really full so I kept spilling beer all over both of us. Thankfully he didn't care, and we were barely there for 15 minutes before Tanner said he was ready to leave. Without saying a word to Jay or Elle, he leads me outside, and we hop into a cab headed back to his place...
Haha so that happened. He told me he'd felt bad about everyone asking the details of his date once he saw that I was there (!), and I, in an uncharacteristic manner that can be attributed to alcohol, told him I was disappointed when I'd heard he just went on a date because I thought he was gorgeous. He gave me lots of compliments, and it was an excellent time. It was nice to have some excitement after not being drunk/brave enough to approach Peter earlier in the evening.
I had to work so Tanner drove me home in the morning, but as I was getting out of the car, he said he had a good time and mumbled something about going out again, but then... He didn't ask for my number! He's too hot to let go, so I asked for his. I haven't texted him yet - I don't know what to say. I know he's interested in actually dating because he took out that other girl (to a really nice restaurant too). But...he has a second date with her, and I don't know if he is categorizing me as a one-time hookup or someone he'd date. I had a really fun time during our escapades, but I hate this uncertain feeling when nighttime choices like this happen! Do y'all have any advice for how I should proceed with him??
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Personal Space Invader
Back when I was dating Paolo, I kind of felt like my life was "set." I didn't feel the need to make plans with friends as often anymore, and I would keep my weekends open until Paolo and I had our dates scheduled. I drifted away from so many people - I was so content from being around him that not too much else mattered to me.
Now that we've broken up, I've been going out a lot. It's nice to do whatever I want, knowing that I'm 110% single. I loooove going out dancing, so not too long after the breakup, a girlfriend and I went to a new club and danced it up. We went to another strip of bars after, and I danced like a crazy woman (I am so awesome at this particular dancing technique) until we closed out the bar. Soon after some really tall dude put his hands on my shoulders (couldn't decide whether it was hot-aggressive or creepy-aggressive) and started a conversation. We talked for less than 60 seconds before I had to leave to jump in our taxi, and I hesitated to give him my number, but he insisted so I did it.
He was kind of goofy when he texted me later in the weekend, but it seemed friendly and not flirty. When he suggested we hit up a Mexican place for margaritas on a weeknight, I took it as just fun times hanging out with a new friend.
When I walked into the bar, Tall Dude was already there. He came up front to meet me and then led me back to where he was camped out, but the chair he pulled out for me was so close to his. I tried to pull away a little bit without being obvious, but we were still sitting way too close to each other. In less than five minutes of being there, he's holding my hand. At that point I was really like, WTF?! Holding hands is so cute when you adore a guy, but I was so creeped out. The conversation kind of stopped flowing because I just lost interest. I decided I was not into him like that, and I'd come mentally prepared to meet a new friend, not for a date.
After 45 minutes at the first bar, he suggested we go to a different place up the road. We walked outside, and after only 46 minutes of knowing me he decides to kiss me. He's so effing tall, and his stature so overpowering, that there was nothing I could do. I kept my mouth shut and waited for it to be over. I thought it would have been really bitchy to split after being with him for such a short time, so I followed him in my car to the next bar. Several times while I was driving, I considered turning around and just going home.
Normally I am so good at saying no to guys, and I hate this, but after 20 minutes at the next bar (I ordered water instead of alcohol, hahaha), he suggested we go to his apartment right behind the bar. I tell him I'm tired, I really need to go to bed, that I need to get up at 6, etc., but he's not having it. "I'm just going to show you that YouTube video I was telling you about - you have to see it, and right after that you can leave!" he says. I tell him fine, but I can only stay for five minutes.
The video was boring as hell, and it was definitely at least five minutes (of martial arts). (I even tried to sit on a different couch than him but he made me sit next to him...ughh no...) His life revolves around martial arts and I find it bone-dry boring. After hearing him talk, I might even hate it as much as I hate football (although I know myself well enough that if it were coming from my dream guy, there would be no ill feelings). Tall Dude introduced me to his hot roommate, which was exciting, but I was quickly let down when Hot Roommate's girlfriend came downstairs so they could leave - leaving Tall Dude and I, unfortunately, alone. Of course, I see Hot Roommate drive away in a freaking Porsche. Damn! (Tall Dude drives something dumpy and not even close to a Porsche.)
Quickly I told Tall Dude I needed to leave, and he tried to kiss me again. I stood still and endured the kiss for a few seconds, but decided I would never see him again so I should test how he is at making out. I tried to get into it, but he sucked, so I left and never responded to any of his text messages again.
I totally understand if you're drunk at a bar/club and pretty quickly get "friendly" with a guy - but if you're sober, didn't agree your meeting was a date, and you've known the guy for less than 10 minutes, a guy trying physical gestures that suggest you're a couple is not okay. Just creepy and gross!
Now that we've broken up, I've been going out a lot. It's nice to do whatever I want, knowing that I'm 110% single. I loooove going out dancing, so not too long after the breakup, a girlfriend and I went to a new club and danced it up. We went to another strip of bars after, and I danced like a crazy woman (I am so awesome at this particular dancing technique) until we closed out the bar. Soon after some really tall dude put his hands on my shoulders (couldn't decide whether it was hot-aggressive or creepy-aggressive) and started a conversation. We talked for less than 60 seconds before I had to leave to jump in our taxi, and I hesitated to give him my number, but he insisted so I did it.
He was kind of goofy when he texted me later in the weekend, but it seemed friendly and not flirty. When he suggested we hit up a Mexican place for margaritas on a weeknight, I took it as just fun times hanging out with a new friend.
When I walked into the bar, Tall Dude was already there. He came up front to meet me and then led me back to where he was camped out, but the chair he pulled out for me was so close to his. I tried to pull away a little bit without being obvious, but we were still sitting way too close to each other. In less than five minutes of being there, he's holding my hand. At that point I was really like, WTF?! Holding hands is so cute when you adore a guy, but I was so creeped out. The conversation kind of stopped flowing because I just lost interest. I decided I was not into him like that, and I'd come mentally prepared to meet a new friend, not for a date.
After 45 minutes at the first bar, he suggested we go to a different place up the road. We walked outside, and after only 46 minutes of knowing me he decides to kiss me. He's so effing tall, and his stature so overpowering, that there was nothing I could do. I kept my mouth shut and waited for it to be over. I thought it would have been really bitchy to split after being with him for such a short time, so I followed him in my car to the next bar. Several times while I was driving, I considered turning around and just going home.
Normally I am so good at saying no to guys, and I hate this, but after 20 minutes at the next bar (I ordered water instead of alcohol, hahaha), he suggested we go to his apartment right behind the bar. I tell him I'm tired, I really need to go to bed, that I need to get up at 6, etc., but he's not having it. "I'm just going to show you that YouTube video I was telling you about - you have to see it, and right after that you can leave!" he says. I tell him fine, but I can only stay for five minutes.
The video was boring as hell, and it was definitely at least five minutes (of martial arts). (I even tried to sit on a different couch than him but he made me sit next to him...ughh no...) His life revolves around martial arts and I find it bone-dry boring. After hearing him talk, I might even hate it as much as I hate football (although I know myself well enough that if it were coming from my dream guy, there would be no ill feelings). Tall Dude introduced me to his hot roommate, which was exciting, but I was quickly let down when Hot Roommate's girlfriend came downstairs so they could leave - leaving Tall Dude and I, unfortunately, alone. Of course, I see Hot Roommate drive away in a freaking Porsche. Damn! (Tall Dude drives something dumpy and not even close to a Porsche.)
Quickly I told Tall Dude I needed to leave, and he tried to kiss me again. I stood still and endured the kiss for a few seconds, but decided I would never see him again so I should test how he is at making out. I tried to get into it, but he sucked, so I left and never responded to any of his text messages again.
I totally understand if you're drunk at a bar/club and pretty quickly get "friendly" with a guy - but if you're sober, didn't agree your meeting was a date, and you've known the guy for less than 10 minutes, a guy trying physical gestures that suggest you're a couple is not okay. Just creepy and gross!
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