It's been a while, mostly because I'm still stuck between two guys; however, I'm happy to report that the picture is clearer with who I'm leaning towards and who's better for me.
Blue is stable, tall, and gorgeous with beautiful blue eyes, a great body, and dresses well. We've been seeing each other for a few months now, almost every week. He's gone out with my friends and me, and he just got along really well - was very fun and sociable. We've gone on fantastic dates - amazing restaurants, a rooftop bar, and even a double date. He's one of the first guys I don't feel awkward with before going to sleep, talking softly. His dating profile made it seem like he didn't want to get too serious with anyone, but I'm seeing him open up - as if he's not opposed to it. He lets me know he's thinking about me.
For a while, though, I wasn't sure about Blue, because Peter came back into the picture. He's a guy I went on a couple dates with many months in the past, but he made such an impression that I developed a sizable obsession with him. The thing is, I don't feel secure with him at all now. He's also extremely good looking, in perfect shape, medium height, and incredibly smart/professional. But more and more, I'm realizing he's emotionally unavailable. While Blue will send me drunken texts saying he wishes he was with me, etc., - Peter often seems to not give a care in the world about me most of the time when he's not with me. Peter comes out to parties and bars with my friends and me almost every weekend, but even though we kiss and dance when we're together, we haven't even been on a one-on-one date since we met again. He's chatty talking with my friends and new people but can often be very quiet around me.
Peter really pissed me off this weekend and messed up my plans to meet up with Blue one night. Part of me is upset with myself that I let Peter get in the way of a really good thing I have with Blue, but dealing with Peter this weekend has given me more clarity about how I really feel. I'd had a preference for Peter over Blue, but I really missed seeing Blue while I was with Peter. Blue makes me feel loved, secure, worth his time. Peter makes me feel doubtful and incessantly guessing about what he's thinking - he's affectionate when he's drunk but distant otherwise. I'm only being intimate with Blue, but that's mostly because Peter seems to have no interest in going home with anyone (totally don't understand this!).
I gave Peter a ride home after a night out, and it had been a long night and we were both sober by then. I was pissed at him and kind of just stopped talking waiting for him to get out of the car. He kept talking, though, as if he were trying to buy time, and I wasn't going to make a move to kiss him (because normally it doesn't happen with us when he's sober). What I don't understand, though, is that he seemed concerned. He asked, "Is it okay if I see you again?" - as if he thought I might not want to. I noncommittally said yes, but I knew I would see him again because I can't resist him (which I thought he could tell by now). He kissed me, and I was surprised and even more confused.
As I spell this all out, it seems clear to me - and I'm sure everyone reading - who the better guy is here. Nothing is official with Blue, but hopefully I can talk more with Peter about his distant behavior and figure him out better. It's fun to have two guys for now, but I'm putting my money on Blue as this situation continues to play out.
