Sunday, December 29, 2013

Thinking about The Rules

This week I stumbled on some of The Rules coaches' blogs, ended up buying two Rules books, and read them in their entirety between Friday and Saturday. A lot of their tips I do naturally, but I'm curious now what the results would be if I applied them very strictly with the guys I'm dating.

"Arms" from my last post has been a real sweetheart and even spent part of Christmas with me (his idea). He seems like he doesn't date a whole lot and is more casual about dating, so I'm worried that if I keep waiting for him to initiate everything (texts, dates, etc.) that soon he won't try anymore because he thinks there isn't a chance/I'm not interested because I never contact him first. According to The Rules, I'm overthinking it, because if Arms likes me enough, he won't be too shy to keep initiating contact. So far, since the first day I've met him, I've started a few conversations, but he's started most of them, so I feel like if I start my rules on him now it won't be too much of a change.

Also though, I met him on Tinder, which I feel changes things too. If he sees that I log in every other day, I worry he might think I'm constantly hunting for someone else, like I don't think he's good enough. I know it's terrible that I think this way, because the mindset I need to have is that I should browse to my heart's content until I'm locked down by one guy!

Another Tinder guy - we'll call him Foodie - took me out for a really expensive dinner a couple weeks ago for our first date. He's shorter than I normally go for - in my 3.5 inch heels I think I was a little taller than him - and I noticed he has weirdly tiny hands. Anyway, I felt like since he spent so much money on me (his idea) and was a nice guy, that I was obligated to keep talking to him. I didn't really like him that much, so I returned his texts at first then ignored his multiple attempts at contact for nearly a week. He was so persistent, though, that it was kind of a turn-on - so I did finally answer him.

His first attempt was a last minute try to get me to meet him and his friends out at a bar. He's done this before but I've never gone. So this time, he told me he just got an amazing new job, so I told him to let me know where he ends up and I might meet him out for a drink. Now that I agreed, of course, he didn't say anything for the rest of the weekend. Then, a couple days later, he asks if I'm in town for Christmas, and I tell him I'll be around later in the week. So he texts me the day after Christmas, at 9pm, asking what I'm up to because he was in my neighborhood.

I waited long enough to give him a reasonable amount of time to drive back out of my area, then told him I was still at the gym and had to go to work in the morning. We started talking about this movie we both want to see, and he told me to let him know when I want to see it.

What am I supposed to do with that?!

I want to see it, but I'd go to the movies by myself before I'd ask him out on a date. I am not asking him out!

I'll let you know how this new dating strategy works out.


  1. I like the Rules (I have both books). I think they are somewhat snobby in their tone, but I do like that the Rules don't hide the fact that a girl has to play some games to demonstrate that she's a high-value woman. It's no different than negotiating a job offer.

    Foodie sounds lame and you don't seem particularly interested... don't feel like you need to give someone a second date just because he spent $ on you!

    1. Yes, in the past, I've had friends give me advice about sharing your feelings with a guy for the sake of being "honest," but I've found in reality that can really ruin things. It's good to have a few new tools for playing games. Haha maybe you should write a post about how game playing with guys and negotiating a job offer are similar...I'd love to hear about that one!

      I did go out with Foodie again, but mostly because he wanted to see the new Leonardo DiCaprio movie and I was totally in for that! You're right though, I'm not particularly interested. And he is just really short!