Pacific Dates

I had a pretty good Valentine's Day. I was worried that if I didn't have something planned, I'd just stay home alone crying over Paolo. I'm going to call the new boy I mentioned in the last post "Pacific Guy." Having a second date on V-Day wasn't awkward as I feared it might be. With the "keeping it casual" mindset, we went to a pub. It ended up being quiet there and actually quite hilarious... It seemed as if it was Senior Citizen Night at the bar or something - so many older couples. One elderly duo was particularly amusing - the wife was sitting on a bar stool and her husband was rolled up to the bar in his wheelchair. Looking back, it would have been awesome to buy them a shot and pose with them for a V-Day group photo.

I was kind of sold on Pacific Guy after the first date but after the second I've stepped back a little. We had a great time though and things ended up getting hot by the end of the night. ;) He also started doing this thing that is just the sweetest gesture ever - he'll take my hand and intertwine our fingers, then kiss the top of my fingers. I don't know what a swoon physically looks like but that's what I was doing inside! But we'll have to see how things go. I'm not sure I feel like I can be myself and share myself around him, but it is a little early to tell.

I said I'd write about our first date as well. His pictures online were very endearing but our messaging conversations left me wondering about what he'd be like in person. I was very pleased when I first laid eyes on him. He was cuter in person and was dressed well. By the end of the night, I had also decided he had a pretty hot voice. I wasn't feeling very clever or talkative that night for some reason (my normal first date persona is usually #winning as Courtney Robertson would say), so I was worried things would be awkward; however, Pacific Guy liked to talk and it was a pleasant surprise. He was definitely winning me over and made statements that he was feeling really good and excited about us. He's also good at saying the right things (I'm not).

We talked at the bar, tried some local beers, played some bar games, and then walked to a second bar (one of my old favorites in the area). Then, we were that couple. I've never been into PDA unless I think the guy I'm with would be widely accepted as good looking (sounds shallow, I know). So we kept getting closer and closer while we were talking and eventually totally made out in the middle of a crowded bar. He has this genuine, caring look about him when he kisses me. It makes me think he may be sincere.

I've started thinking about Paolo a little again and all the "what ifs." I'm sad to have lost him and that I've had to let go of all the hopes for what could have been between us. No use dwelling on it, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about Paolo. I did not Facebook stalk him while we were dating (such self-control I have!) but totally have gone all out since and it makes me miserable when I do it. The sad thing is, his work life kept him so busy, so I don't know how much of an impact I had on him. I thought about him constantly when we were dating, but I don't know if he'll miss me or ever think of me, or try to get in contact. I do have a few of his things still so I suppose we'll speak again.

What's really important to me now is to figure out what Pacific Guy really wants. I'm all for having fun in the moment, but I want to invest my time in someone who will be important in my future - not in a guy who will just be in my life "for now." I never asked those questions of Paolo, but eventually found out what I needed to know when we broke up. Paolo couldn't give me his time, full attention, or commitment. He's taught me a lot of new things about what I want in a guy, and I knew exactly what I wanted when I started seeing him. With Pacific Guy, I'm seeing good things that were missing with Paolo - specifically, that he seems to want companionship like I do.

This post is getting unhealthy - too much overanalyzing for one day. Have a great Sunday evening!

Countdown

My past two Valentine's Days have been awful. I know myself well enough as a dater now that "not doing" Valentine's Day is a dealbreaker if you're a guy dating me (semi-seriously, that is).

It's not about the extras. I don't want them. It's about thinking a girl is special enough for you to set aside other plans and just spend time with her on February 14th. Each of the guys I dated ended up getting dumped not too long after they made me feel just not special at all on V-Day. This year I was so nervous to bring up V-Day with the guy I'd been dating for six months, only to have it taken off the table when he decided he didn't need me anymore. We stopped seeing each other just weeks before V-Day, and one of the first things I thought about after the breakup was that I wouldn't have a valentine!

However, as I am a woman who likes to make things happen, not only have I met a new incredible guy just days after my breakup, but we also have a casual Valentine's date planned. On one hand, I'm excited, and on the other, I'm feeling a little awkward and under pressure. I don't want to ruin our vibe though - we had a fantastic first date and we were both really excited about our next. But how the V-Day date got scheduled is just embarrassing...

We were trying to figure out when to see each other next, and he threw out a couple days he'd be free this week, including the Thursday that happened to be V-Day. I thought maybe it was a hint that he wanted to make plans to be my special valentine, so I tried to take the awkward burden off of him and broach the subject myself. I texted him, "We should do a Valentine's date...It would be fun!" I sweated and panicked and second-guessed myself nanoseconds after I pressed send, then heard back, "Oh really, that's Valentine's? Didn't even realize." He asked if that would be awkward (since we just met) but we agreed to keep things super chill, so I think I'm excited. Two weeks ago I was freaking out about not having a valentine...but now I'm freaking out that he might feel awkward! Privileged girl problems, I know...

I'll let you know how this goes, and don't worry, I won't deprive you of the juicy details about our first date either!

Barf

Recently I realized I am way too much of a daydreamer, in terms of dating at least. I start dreaming way too far into the future and honestly lose touch with reality. Next, I become disappointed when reality slaps me fresh in the face, greeting me with the fact that my daydream is not quite the same thing as my real life. I finally found the guy I've been looking for for a long time, and we were dating for almost half a year (this is long for me - I ditch 'em fast if I'm not into it). Unfortunately, I didn't ask the right questions, and I made optimistic assumptions about things between us based on the fact "that we had made it this long." I started imagining future vacations and one day going house shopping. In the dating world, I split from someone the moment I know I don't want to be with the guy; however, I just found out he's the opposite in dating - he holds on too long when he knows he wants to end things.

He just started acting weird and I didn't say anything at first. Finally I confront him and find that things are different than I thought. And now we're broken up. The past almost-six months had been really busy, and I was so looking forward to this time where things were going to cool down and we were going to get to spend a lot more time together. Now that he finally had the time to give, he realized he didn't want to spend it on dating anyone.

I don't understand his thinking at all, but I'm not about to force a guy to be with me if he doesn't feel like it. I want him to want me. It's awful to me that I've been spending time being excited about a guy that honestly didn't want to be seeing me anymore. It's sick to me to care about someone who doesn't care back.

I want a guy in my life to be there for me, but I don't ask for a lot. I'm entirely too independent. But I don't want to go to things alone anymore. I want to have some sort of constant on the weekends, someone to relax with after work, someone to plan trips with and suffer through family events with.

But those are things he doesn't want right now.

So I'm back to square one. Barf is that feeling you get when you realize you have to start logging back onto OkCupid again.




(I took a day and a half to be hysterical and upset. But then I did log back on, and now I happen to have my next first date all set up. We'll see...)