Saturday, December 19, 2015

Intrigue, intellect

I can hardly believe it, but the show is still on for the younger man and me. Despite not having the most "proper" beginning, I expected our first date would be a lot of fun; fun it most certainly was. I think there is something special here. I'm intrigued. I was out of town, playing in the snow this past week, but that tone of excitement lingered through the days following our date. Now that I'm back, we are going out again later this weekend. He is also officially a year older now, so that means I'm officially only robbing the cradle by three years.

I can have fun with Blue, but I'm ready to end it. We had another date that was fun and almost changed my mind, but then, a couple days after my date with the younger man, I went day drinking with Blue, a few coupled friends of his, and some of his family friends. I wanted to see how he interacted with them to really gauge the accuracy of my recent assessment of him. I think what's missing this time, even more so than the confidence issue, is the kind of intelligence I look for. That great, deep conversation does not seem like it will ever be there, and I'm starting to see more of a lack of common sense and general smarts/intellect. I suppose that when I dated Blue two years ago, yet kept gravitating towards/chasing Peter instead, that's what should have tipped me off that something major was missing with Blue. I sensed it at the beginning this time around too - that something was missing - because, again, I was very interested in other guys on the side. Alone, he has never felt like enough.

Being out of town this past week helped me start to pull away and distance myself from Blue. I would feel terrible disappearing without saying anything, because he has been very sweet, attentive, and chivalrous this time around. Instead I'm being less responsive, hoping he will either get the hint or call me out until I am forced to tell him I don't want to see him anymore.

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