People like to say, "Don't feel weird about what I'm about to say, but-" and then they say something that is difficult to look past. This kind of statement is often returned with the false promise that things are all good, that there's nothing to feel weird about, etc. If you really like a guy, then sometimes you really can forget about whatever silly thing he's just told you. If deep down, you don't really like the dude, then a situation like this will let you know for sure.
And such is the case with Asian Fetish Boy.
Now, I'm not Asian by any stretch, but I found out fairly soon that I was talking to a guy with an Asian fetish - and that things wouldn't ever work out with us. He talked about all different Asian cultures nonstop and the different languages he had started learning, trips he took, books he read. His social cues were a little off, because he couldn't tell that I had to knowledge on any of these topics and had nothing to contribute to the conversation. He seemed like a nice guy, though, and with some hesitation, I agreed to go to an Asian spa with him, per his request (the specific origin of the spa will remain a secret to protect my identity, of course).
It's definitely weird for a not-super-manly guy to request to go to a spa. I told him it wouldn't be weird, even though it was definitely odd and it was only a second date. And it changed things with us for good...
So the deal was, we'd each go to our respective locker rooms and we'd each see a lot of naked old people of our respective gender. I'd get in some tea-scented hot tubs, hang out a bit in the sauna, and take a shower in the ladies' locker room, then meet him in the communal area (clothed in a flimsy robe thingy) to sit in different hot saunas.
The ladies' room was heavenly. The hot tubs really were like sitting in a fragrant cup of hot tea. They smelled amazing and I wanted to stay all day. The nice thing about being an adult is that now I don't care about being naked in front of people, whether it's in a locker room or in the bedroom (haha), so it was nice to just walk around baring it all without any cares.
Anyway, when our proposed time limit was up, I was sad to put on the robe and go out to the common room. Not many people were there, so when we go into the first sauna room, no one else was there. And I don't even need to give you three guesses to let you figure out what Asian Fetish Boy does...
He starts to try to make out with my face.
The bad news is, we're less than 30 minutes into our date, and I already know it will never work out between us. He was a horrible, terrible, nasty and disgusting kisser. My face got all slobbered on. I really didn't know what to do, because we had at least five more sauna rooms to try, and you betcha that he was going to try to suck face in every single room. It was very awkward, and whatever rapport we'd built on the first date was totally erased and my interest in him had gone down to less than zero. We're talking negative numbers.
Basically I dealt with the situation as best I could. I pulled away as quick as I could from the kiss, kept telling him this room was too hot/I was ready to go to the next room, and I'd try to find the rooms that had other people in it so he couldn't kiss me. Of course, when we'd go into a populated sauna, he'd be ready to leave again in like 60 seconds. I tried to keep myself as quiet and boring in the conversation as I could so that he'd lose interest. He tried to kiss me a couple more times, but I kept my trap shut as tightly as possible and barely let him touch me.
The really weird part about this sauna thing was this unspoken pressure to hook up in some way when you're in a room alone together, and the awkwardness that ensues when you discover you really don't like the person you're stuck in that room with - you're just not interested in any way.
This disaster date happened a few months ago and I still shudder thinking about it. When we left, he asked if he'd see me again. I curtly and noncommittally gave him an "mmhmm" and drove off AFAP (as fast as possible). Never spoke to that dude again.
I hope he can admit to himself one day that he really just needs to date an Asian already, and that he's delusional to think otherwise.
In other news, been seeing a good bit of Peter lately but only in groups, going out on weekends. He made me very happy the other night. His friends were going to the same bar that I was already planning to go to one night recently, so he decided to show up there with them. When we finally found each other he was drunk and hilarious, and there was immediately lots of kissing. As I thought would happen, I've been neglecting Blue ever since I reconnected with Peter. I haven't seen him one time since, so tonight will be the first night I've seen Blue in a while. He's going to be cooking me dinner. Nice, right? It's really difficult for me to focus on two guys I really like, especially because I have a preference for Peter, but tonight will be good. Seeing him in person again will really help me figure things out, although I won't be putting any pressure on myself to make any decisions about either guy.
We shall see...
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Crazier night
When you're dating several people but realize there is one you really like, dating the others starts to feel overwhelming and burdensome.
So, what I did was I got rid of all of them but Blue. I was feeling a lot happier just focusing on one guy...
And then this weekend happened.
Going back to my "crazy night" in April, you may recall I mentioned Peter, this guy I had liked a ridiculous amount and for way too long. He was that guy for me, the one who leaves your life who you never get out of your head completely. Unfortunately back when we were in contact (and even on dates), there was a lot of talking and no action. Well... I had another Peter spotting this week. Some friends and I were out one night dancing it up, and it didn't take me long to notice Peter in the room. I managed to avoid staring at him for a good bit of the night. Lately I travel in a group of dance-loving people, so we basically closed down the place. The bar was emptying out, and there were about five people left on the dance floor. Off to the side, I notice Peter - randomly talking to my guy friends.
Talk about a major OMG moment.
So I continued dancing, looking in the opposite direction. My girl friend there asked me if I wanted to come sit in the corner with her and another friend, so I followed her and confided about how much I had liked this guy... And how he was standing there, talking to our friends. Peter's friends had totally disappeared, and my group was the only one left in the room. So I collected all the balls I had, and with the help of some EtOH, I walk right up to him and say, "I think I know you... Peter?"
It's been quite a long time - a couple of years - so I was surprised to hear him say my first and last name (I'm sure I never told him the latter) and say he'd thought about me. He was visibly intoxicated, but he was able to say some of the right things to make it seem like this was a good meeting.
Normally I'm way too nice to guys I really like, but again liquid courage was guiding my way. When he told me he wanted another chance, I put on a show of being skeptical (he was the one that disappeared on me). So, fast forward, I leave the bar and he takes my hand, holding it the entire walk back to my friends' house. A couple hours later, it's just the two of us, and we're almost home. He asks if it's okay if he can take me out again, and I put on my skeptical show again (even though I'm hella excited inside) but end up telling him he can if he really wants to. Finally he asks to kiss me, and we have our first kiss. Took long enough - literally years - but thankfully it was great.
He asked what I was doing the next night, so we kind of merged plans so we could go out in another group. I set my expectations low, figuring he would sober up the next day and not say anything to me. He ended up following through, though.
He had a lot less to drink that next night, but he still acted like he wanted to be there. It ended up being a great night, and we had second kisses and other fun things. It's crazy to me... After I stopped hearing from him years back, I kept thinking I wished I had gotten to kiss him once, just to take the memory with me. I never thought we'd speak again, and definitely never thought any of this would happen if we did. I am excited about what else could happen, but I also am not getting any hopes up. I got the little fantasy I wished for, and I know my life can be fine without him.
What I am worried about, is that my future actions related to liking Peter will mess things up with Blue. I hate juggling two guys I really like. It feels pretty bad. But Peter is making me forget the good things I have with Blue. I'd say Blue is a little cuter, and definitely taller, but Peter is on my mind much more. I want to keep both of them around, in case something goes wrong with one of them, but I feel bad about doing that.
To be continued...
So, what I did was I got rid of all of them but Blue. I was feeling a lot happier just focusing on one guy...
And then this weekend happened.
Going back to my "crazy night" in April, you may recall I mentioned Peter, this guy I had liked a ridiculous amount and for way too long. He was that guy for me, the one who leaves your life who you never get out of your head completely. Unfortunately back when we were in contact (and even on dates), there was a lot of talking and no action. Well... I had another Peter spotting this week. Some friends and I were out one night dancing it up, and it didn't take me long to notice Peter in the room. I managed to avoid staring at him for a good bit of the night. Lately I travel in a group of dance-loving people, so we basically closed down the place. The bar was emptying out, and there were about five people left on the dance floor. Off to the side, I notice Peter - randomly talking to my guy friends.
Talk about a major OMG moment.
So I continued dancing, looking in the opposite direction. My girl friend there asked me if I wanted to come sit in the corner with her and another friend, so I followed her and confided about how much I had liked this guy... And how he was standing there, talking to our friends. Peter's friends had totally disappeared, and my group was the only one left in the room. So I collected all the balls I had, and with the help of some EtOH, I walk right up to him and say, "I think I know you... Peter?"
It's been quite a long time - a couple of years - so I was surprised to hear him say my first and last name (I'm sure I never told him the latter) and say he'd thought about me. He was visibly intoxicated, but he was able to say some of the right things to make it seem like this was a good meeting.
Normally I'm way too nice to guys I really like, but again liquid courage was guiding my way. When he told me he wanted another chance, I put on a show of being skeptical (he was the one that disappeared on me). So, fast forward, I leave the bar and he takes my hand, holding it the entire walk back to my friends' house. A couple hours later, it's just the two of us, and we're almost home. He asks if it's okay if he can take me out again, and I put on my skeptical show again (even though I'm hella excited inside) but end up telling him he can if he really wants to. Finally he asks to kiss me, and we have our first kiss. Took long enough - literally years - but thankfully it was great.
He asked what I was doing the next night, so we kind of merged plans so we could go out in another group. I set my expectations low, figuring he would sober up the next day and not say anything to me. He ended up following through, though.
He had a lot less to drink that next night, but he still acted like he wanted to be there. It ended up being a great night, and we had second kisses and other fun things. It's crazy to me... After I stopped hearing from him years back, I kept thinking I wished I had gotten to kiss him once, just to take the memory with me. I never thought we'd speak again, and definitely never thought any of this would happen if we did. I am excited about what else could happen, but I also am not getting any hopes up. I got the little fantasy I wished for, and I know my life can be fine without him.
What I am worried about, is that my future actions related to liking Peter will mess things up with Blue. I hate juggling two guys I really like. It feels pretty bad. But Peter is making me forget the good things I have with Blue. I'd say Blue is a little cuter, and definitely taller, but Peter is on my mind much more. I want to keep both of them around, in case something goes wrong with one of them, but I feel bad about doing that.
To be continued...
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