Friday, June 28, 2013

Playing the Field?

Spring and summer have really brought the guys out to play this year. I've been embracing the philosophy of dating multiple guys at a time, but it's getting complicated. Things have started to become regular with a new guy - we'll call him Rugby Guy - and I've noticed he hasn't been logging into the dating site much lately. However, in my experience, when I've been really into one guy in particular, I will stop logging in on a regular basis after we've gone on a few dates. I do notice that some guys continue to log in frequently, even if things between us seem to be going well. And since I haven't claimed anyone as an official boyfriend in quite a while, it's safe to say that the previous observation is fairly telling. Those guys didn't work out for me.

Rugby Guy's profile does say he's looking for a serious relationship, but we know statements like that can be honest or purposely deceptive, depending on the guy. The thing is, I'm starting to feel bad that I'm still dating around. Rugby Guy and I have had some sexytime, as Sabrina cleverly calls it, and even though he's the only one I'm sharing that with right now, I still feel guilty that I'm talking to other guys. Hell, I've been planning dates with other guys and am still starting conversations with new ones. That being said, I am a fiercely loyal girl. If I'm really into someone, enough that we decide we're going to be exclusive, I don't break that. That's one of my great qualities, I think, that I don't cheat. But if I think I were about to get serious with someone other than Rugby Guy, I would need to decide between the two guys and stop seeing one of them.

I'm not sold on Rugby Guy yet, and he hasn't asked me to be, either. He's slowly opening up, and I'm seeing more and more that we could have something great - but I definitely need more time to see things through.

The thing I'm wondering the most is when I will know it's time to stop dating around. I don't want a guy to think I'm a hoe, seeing a million other dudes, but I also know it's good for the guy you're into to realize that you're in high demand - so that he will step up his game and actively do something if he wants you to be with only him. I've put all my eggs in one basket several times before, without commitment from the other party, and that ended up being a bad idea because I was the one who got hurt.

I guess with guys in the past, I've pretty much known/strongly suspected they were seeing other people, so I thought it was totally ok for me to do the same. With Rugby Guy, I think he's actually serious and might not be trying to talk to anyone else anymore... But I don't want to count on that and silently hold out for him without us discussing it. Lately I've been thinking I don't really believe in having "the talk," so this is gonna be a hard situation... Let's just hope it figures itself out!


  1. Yay Rugby Guy! The concept of dating around is controversial. A lot of people don't do it. But I look at it from a business lens. When you're playing the stock market, you invest in several places so you don't lose all your money in one swoop. When you're looking for a job, you interview at as many different companies as you can, because not every interview will be a success.

    Dating's no different. Sure, there's emotions involved. But the trap that so many women fall into is believing something is a "relationship" while to the guy, it's just "hanging out." Until a guy is behaving like a boyfriend, until he asks you to be exclusive, you're not. If he assumed you're exclusive, then he's an idiot who is taking you for granted.

    You're not a ho. :)

    1. I love the business perspective, Sabrina! Especially the stock market analogy. :)

      Thanks for your wise words, as usual.