Thinking about The Rules

This week I stumbled on some of The Rules coaches' blogs, ended up buying two Rules books, and read them in their entirety between Friday and Saturday. A lot of their tips I do naturally, but I'm curious now what the results would be if I applied them very strictly with the guys I'm dating.

"Arms" from my last post has been a real sweetheart and even spent part of Christmas with me (his idea). He seems like he doesn't date a whole lot and is more casual about dating, so I'm worried that if I keep waiting for him to initiate everything (texts, dates, etc.) that soon he won't try anymore because he thinks there isn't a chance/I'm not interested because I never contact him first. According to The Rules, I'm overthinking it, because if Arms likes me enough, he won't be too shy to keep initiating contact. So far, since the first day I've met him, I've started a few conversations, but he's started most of them, so I feel like if I start my rules on him now it won't be too much of a change.

Also though, I met him on Tinder, which I feel changes things too. If he sees that I log in every other day, I worry he might think I'm constantly hunting for someone else, like I don't think he's good enough. I know it's terrible that I think this way, because the mindset I need to have is that I should browse to my heart's content until I'm locked down by one guy!

Another Tinder guy - we'll call him Foodie - took me out for a really expensive dinner a couple weeks ago for our first date. He's shorter than I normally go for - in my 3.5 inch heels I think I was a little taller than him - and I noticed he has weirdly tiny hands. Anyway, I felt like since he spent so much money on me (his idea) and was a nice guy, that I was obligated to keep talking to him. I didn't really like him that much, so I returned his texts at first then ignored his multiple attempts at contact for nearly a week. He was so persistent, though, that it was kind of a turn-on - so I did finally answer him.

His first attempt was a last minute try to get me to meet him and his friends out at a bar. He's done this before but I've never gone. So this time, he told me he just got an amazing new job, so I told him to let me know where he ends up and I might meet him out for a drink. Now that I agreed, of course, he didn't say anything for the rest of the weekend. Then, a couple days later, he asks if I'm in town for Christmas, and I tell him I'll be around later in the week. So he texts me the day after Christmas, at 9pm, asking what I'm up to because he was in my neighborhood.

I waited long enough to give him a reasonable amount of time to drive back out of my area, then told him I was still at the gym and had to go to work in the morning. We started talking about this movie we both want to see, and he told me to let him know when I want to see it.

What am I supposed to do with that?!

I want to see it, but I'd go to the movies by myself before I'd ask him out on a date. I am not asking him out!

I'll let you know how this new dating strategy works out.

Arms, mysterious travelers, and warm bodies

Well, the "older" guy I mentioned in my last post turned out to be needy and desperate, so I "nexted" that boy.

In other news, I joined Tinder last month, and I actually love it. I think it's way better/easier than the dating sites, and I've met a few really great guys so far!

My third Tinder date was a guy who upfront told me he lived in another state (across the country) but wanted to meet up before he left. He visits my city for business on an almost monthly basis, and it turns out he lives very close to my parents. So I just went ahead and agreed to go out with him. He was a very sociable guy (for his job he literally just has to schmooze with execs and business people all day), and I've never genuinely laughed so much at a guy's jokes before. After our date we went back to the bar at his hotel and all his clients and coworkers were there... He was just ridiculous - he was trying to kiss me on one of the couches off to the side of the bar, and I was like, "Are you sure you want to do this here, in front of all your work people?" He just said back, "Oh, they're not looking, don't worry!" and proceeded. Highly entertaining guy. It's really too bad he doesn't live here.

And I'll admit, I kind of liked being paraded around in front of his coworkers, like some sort of trophy wife.

I also have a work romance going on...hahaha. The guy is only going to be at my facility temporarily, but we met on Tinder. We'd been talking for a couple weeks and didn't end up running into each other at work, so one day we finally just went for it and arranged to meet up in our building. The first thing I noticed in person was his arms....omg amazing. I don't like super muscular guys, but his arms are perfect - he had on short sleeves, where the end of the sleeve stopped in just the right spot, and his smile is adorable. So we've kept seeing each other since that first meeting, and things are going well right now. The downside of the work romance is that now I have to look good at work every day (before I'd essentially just roll out of bed and go), and now I'm going to want to kiss him when I see him at work...but we'll be at work. Haha he said he has a secret extra office....maybe we will make use out of that. ;)

Blue texted me on Friday night - it was before midnight but I'm assuming he was drunk. It's been two whole months and he hasn't said a word. We never even broke up. Thankfully, I have other guys I'm very excited about, so I ignored Blue's text and plan to continue doing so.

I have plenty more updates, and it seems like all these guys - new and old, Blue included - have come crawling out this weekend. They must just want a warm body to cuddle with since it's finally getting cold here.

First Taste of Older Men

Well, I've had my first taste of older men. I agreed to dinner with a 60 year old gentleman. He wined me, dined me, and bought me a Tiffany's necklace that same evening. I think I'm onto something...


Just kidding!

Really though, I went to a charity event this past weekend with a few girlfriends, and the audience was much more mature compared to the bars where I usually party. I've only been on one date with a 30 year old, and no one older than that, but at the event, I met a really great guy in his mid-thirties. Now I really do think I may be onto something. He knows to how to take initiative, makes me feel really good when I talk to him, and is very successful in his career. We have a tentative date this week!

More Like 100% Enemy...

I don't know about y'all, but I draw an unmistakably defined line between my personal and my work life. I don't talk about work on my lunch break, I don't take my work home with me, and most of all, I don't work for free. Guys like to message me about my job and ask me the types of questions I would normally be paid to answer, so on my OkC profile I have a joking remark about it.

This guy thought it would be funny to ignore my disclaimer and ask for free shit anyway. I looked at his pictures and I would never date him, so I was in one of those moods where I felt like talking back. My response that you see is kind of joking and kind of serious.

What I didn't show is his prissy defensive whiny remarks back. Basically he flipped on me, said he can't believe I told him how much my charges are (which I made up because I am salaried), that I wasn't classy, and that I didn't get that he was joking. But honestly, when he asks for free stuff, what am I supposed to say back? "Oh yes, I work way more than 40 hours a week, and of course on top of that, I'll work for you for free during my personal time!!!"

We could all sit here and brainstorm comebacks, but he's not worth the time. Hey dumb guy, way to go for demeaning a girl because she wants to use OkCupid to go on dates. Way to show that he's whiny, overly defensive, not confident, and not clever enough to have a witty response without starting an argument. Because I wasn't necessarily starting a fight...

Back on the market

I just stumbled on The Rules Revisited blog and, I must say, it's quite an absorbing read. I'm rethinking all these moments I've had with the better guys I've dated, and I'm seeing where I messed up. I'm wondering how I've even gotten so far with some of them, when I'm so far off many of these rules. I'm definitely an independent thinker, and won't bear "The Rules" as my personal dating Bible, but I could seriously stand to benefit from them. I initiate texts too much and initiate dates too much, and guys say yes - but it's more of a "Why not?" attitude than them genuinely feeling for me.

I've already been following the rules this week and haven't initiated a word to Blue. Now I notice that we're definitely talking less. I can feel him drifting away, but it's okay. Clinging to a guy who may never love me is just going to be messier later. I'm calling this one: Pretty sure, from how I'm feeling about things, that I've already seen him for the last time.

I can spot five zillion trillion things I did wrong with Peter, but that's okay too. I was telling a friend the other day that, I think underneath the show Peter puts on, he's as cold as a stone. And I don't want to end up with someone who doesn't have a heart.

So I went big and logged back into my dating profiles last night - put up new pictures and everything. It's been a whole three and a half months since I've been on the dating sites, which now I can definitely see was one of my mistakes. I'll miss what I had with Blue at the beginning of our story, but I'm excited for new stories and new boys men.

All I want is time

Someone's been especially non-communicative with me lately - can you guess who? - and I was already pissed at him, so these things plus a certain few events have led me to cross him (Peter, if you didn't guess by now) off my list.

This is scary, because this leaves me with only one guy to focus on now. Ladies, let me tell you, it really is nice to have a couple of regular guys because then you obsess less over each one. I felt really chill, really good about things with Blue, but now that I have more brainpower to dedicate to thinking about him, bad things are popping up. Part of this was being disappointed by Peter recently, but even so, all week I've been an off-and-on tear factory over Blue.

Most weekends these past couple months I've been more focused on orchestrating outings and getting Peter to show up, and so I wasn't paying as much attention to Blue. Now that all my focus is on Blue, I keep getting upset that plans don't come together with him as easily as I want. It sucks that a lot of this is my fault. It's almost been four months for us now, so I feel like weekend time together should start to be a bit more of a given with him. I know it seems like all of a sudden I'm demanding extra time from him too.

I keep my crazy hidden pretty well (except from my roommate), but my overanalyzing is starting to make it public. At the beginning of the weekend I went kind of crazy on Blue. All over a text conversation, I was just trying to tell him how his actions were making me feel, but it came out in an accusatory way, so he got kind of defensive about it. And I was deeply disappointed. I'm looking for a guy who will acknowledge that I'm feeling bad - he'll tell me he's sorry and that he just wants me to be better again. But Blue just tried to defend and explain his actions and didn't even acknowledge the fact that I was upset.

I was a mess the rest of the night, cried myself to sleep over it, cried all the way to work the next day and home from work. I knew my weekend would go terrible and I'd take it out on my friends if I didn't resolve the issue with him. I tried to stop the waterworks and called him during my drive. I told him I was sorry about the night before and that I hoped I didn't make him mad. I could barely get any words out because I was trying so hard not to cry. We only talked for a couple minutes, but I got a semi-satisfactory answer from him. It was enough for me to feel back to normal and not the off-balance crazy teared up lady I'd been all week.

That evening I was having a night out with a mutual friend of Peter's. At this point, Peter had been basically MIA from my life for long enough that I didn't ever expect to hear from him. But then I get a phone call, and it's him. The bar was really loud, so I had to hang up on him without even hearing what he wanted. He could have been drunk, but usually drunkenness doesn't stop him from being MIA. I recently told other mutual friends that he's been a dumbass, and they think I'm cool (and "hot" according to one), so maybe they told him he's being a dumbass for not being better to me? And now my value has increased in his eyes? Who knows. I just know I'm done making the first move. Apparently that's what he's into though - girls who don't care about him.

Annnnyway...back to the more important guy. Unfortunately yet again today, Blue had another fuckup - the same type of issue that's been bothering me. I didn't get upset, but it makes me question things again. Sometimes you wonder how these amazing-seeming people can be single, but then you spend more time with them and quirks like these surface. I'm supposed to see him tomorrow but we'll see. I'm just sick of unreliable, disappointing dudes. Sometimes I feel like I could love him, but then something happens to make me doubt him. And then it repairs again, then breaks again. I don't want this cycle to keep continuing...

True Blue vs. Mister Mysterious

It's been a while, mostly because I'm still stuck between two guys; however, I'm happy to report that the picture is clearer with who I'm leaning towards and who's better for me.

Blue is stable, tall, and gorgeous with beautiful blue eyes, a great body, and dresses well. We've been seeing each other for a few months now, almost every week. He's gone out with my friends and me, and he just got along really well - was very fun and sociable. We've gone on fantastic dates - amazing restaurants, a rooftop bar, and even a double date. He's one of the first guys I don't feel awkward with before going to sleep, talking softly. His dating profile made it seem like he didn't want to get too serious with anyone, but I'm seeing him open up - as if he's not opposed to it. He lets me know he's thinking about me.

For a while, though, I wasn't sure about Blue, because Peter came back into the picture. He's a guy I went on a couple dates with many months in the past, but he made such an impression that I developed a sizable obsession with him. The thing is, I don't feel secure with him at all now. He's also extremely good looking, in perfect shape, medium height, and incredibly smart/professional. But more and more, I'm realizing he's emotionally unavailable. While Blue will send me drunken texts saying he wishes he was with me, etc., - Peter often seems to not give a care in the world about me most of the time when he's not with me. Peter comes out to parties and bars with my friends and me almost every weekend, but even though we kiss and dance when we're together, we haven't even been on a one-on-one date since we met again. He's chatty talking with my friends and new people but can often be very quiet around me.

Peter really pissed me off this weekend and messed up my plans to meet up with Blue one night. Part of me is upset with myself that I let Peter get in the way of a really good thing I have with Blue, but dealing with Peter this weekend has given me more clarity about how I really feel. I'd had a preference for Peter over Blue, but I really missed seeing Blue while I was with Peter. Blue makes me feel loved, secure, worth his time. Peter makes me feel doubtful and incessantly guessing about what he's thinking - he's affectionate when he's drunk but distant otherwise. I'm only being intimate with Blue, but that's mostly because Peter seems to have no interest in going home with anyone (totally don't understand this!).

I gave Peter a ride home after a night out, and it had been a long night and we were both sober by then. I was pissed at him and kind of just stopped talking waiting for him to get out of the car. He kept talking, though, as if he were trying to buy time, and I wasn't going to make a move to kiss him (because normally it doesn't happen with us when he's sober). What I don't understand, though, is that he seemed concerned. He asked, "Is it okay if I see you again?" - as if he thought I might not want to. I noncommittally said yes, but I knew I would see him again because I can't resist him (which I thought he could tell by now). He kissed me, and I was surprised and even more confused.

As I spell this all out, it seems clear to me - and I'm sure everyone reading - who the better guy is here. Nothing is official with Blue, but hopefully I can talk more with Peter about his distant behavior and figure him out better. It's fun to have two guys for now, but I'm putting my money on Blue as this situation continues to play out.

Asian Fetish Boy

People like to say, "Don't feel weird about what I'm about to say, but-" and then they say something that is difficult to look past. This kind of statement is often returned with the false promise that things are all good, that there's nothing to feel weird about, etc. If you really like a guy, then sometimes you really can forget about whatever silly thing he's just told you. If deep down, you don't really like the dude, then a situation like this will let you know for sure.

And such is the case with Asian Fetish Boy.

Now, I'm not Asian by any stretch, but I found out fairly soon that I was talking to a guy with an Asian fetish - and that things wouldn't ever work out with us. He talked about all different Asian cultures nonstop and the different languages he had started learning, trips he took, books he read. His social cues were a little off, because he couldn't tell that I had to knowledge on any of these topics and had nothing to contribute to the conversation. He seemed like a nice guy, though, and with some hesitation, I agreed to go to an Asian spa with him, per his request (the specific origin of the spa will remain a secret to protect my identity, of course).

It's definitely weird for a not-super-manly guy to request to go to a spa. I told him it wouldn't be weird, even though it was definitely odd and it was only a second date. And it changed things with us for good...

So the deal was, we'd each go to our respective locker rooms and we'd each see a lot of naked old people of our respective gender. I'd get in some tea-scented hot tubs, hang out a bit in the sauna, and take a shower in the ladies' locker room, then meet him in the communal area (clothed in a flimsy robe thingy) to sit in different hot saunas.

The ladies' room was heavenly. The hot tubs really were like sitting in a fragrant cup of hot tea. They smelled amazing and I wanted to stay all day. The nice thing about being an adult is that now I don't care about being naked in front of people, whether it's in a locker room or in the bedroom (haha), so it was nice to just walk around baring it all without any cares.

Anyway, when our proposed time limit was up, I was sad to put on the robe and go out to the common room. Not many people were there, so when we go into the first sauna room, no one else was there. And I don't even need to give you three guesses to let you figure out what Asian Fetish Boy does...

He starts to try to make out with my face.

The bad news is, we're less than 30 minutes into our date, and I already know it will never work out between us. He was a horrible, terrible, nasty and disgusting kisser. My face got all slobbered on. I really didn't know what to do, because we had at least five more sauna rooms to try, and you betcha that he was going to try to suck face in every single room. It was very awkward, and whatever rapport we'd built on the first date was totally erased and my interest in him had gone down to less than zero. We're talking negative numbers.

Basically I dealt with the situation as best I could. I pulled away as quick as I could from the kiss, kept telling him this room was too hot/I was ready to go to the next room, and I'd try to find the rooms that had other people in it so he couldn't kiss me. Of course, when we'd go into a populated sauna, he'd be ready to leave again in like 60 seconds. I tried to keep myself as quiet and boring in the conversation as I could so that he'd lose interest. He tried to kiss me a couple more times, but I kept my trap shut as tightly as possible and barely let him touch me.

The really weird part about this sauna thing was this unspoken pressure to hook up in some way when you're in a room alone together, and the awkwardness that ensues when you discover you really don't like the person you're stuck in that room with - you're just not interested in any way.

This disaster date happened a few months ago and I still shudder thinking about it. When we left, he asked if he'd see me again. I curtly and noncommittally gave him an "mmhmm" and drove off AFAP (as fast as possible). Never spoke to that dude again.

I hope he can admit to himself one day that he really just needs to date an Asian already, and that he's delusional to think otherwise.



In other news, been seeing a good bit of Peter lately but only in groups, going out on weekends. He made me very happy the other night. His friends were going to the same bar that I was already planning to go to one night recently, so he decided to show up there with them. When we finally found each other he was drunk and hilarious, and there was immediately lots of kissing. As I thought would happen, I've been neglecting Blue ever since I reconnected with Peter. I haven't seen him one time since, so tonight will be the first night I've seen Blue in a while. He's going to be cooking me dinner. Nice, right? It's really difficult for me to focus on two guys I really like, especially because I have a preference for Peter, but tonight will be good. Seeing him in person again will really help me figure things out, although I won't be putting any pressure on myself to make any decisions about either guy.

We shall see...

Crazier night

When you're dating several people but realize there is one you really like, dating the others starts to feel overwhelming and burdensome.

So, what I did was I got rid of all of them but Blue. I was feeling a lot happier just focusing on one guy...

And then this weekend happened.

Going back to my "crazy night" in April, you may recall I mentioned Peter, this guy I had liked a ridiculous amount and for way too long. He was that guy for me, the one who leaves your life who you never get out of your head completely. Unfortunately back when we were in contact (and even on dates), there was a lot of talking and no action. Well... I had another Peter spotting this week. Some friends and I were out one night dancing it up, and it didn't take me long to notice Peter in the room. I managed to avoid staring at him for a good bit of the night. Lately I travel in a group of dance-loving people, so we basically closed down the place. The bar was emptying out, and there were about five people left on the dance floor. Off to the side, I notice Peter - randomly talking to my guy friends.

Talk about a major OMG moment.

So I continued dancing, looking in the opposite direction. My girl friend there asked me if I wanted to come sit in the corner with her and another friend, so I followed her and confided about how much I had liked this guy... And how he was standing there, talking to our friends. Peter's friends had totally disappeared, and my group was the only one left in the room. So I collected all the balls I had, and with the help of some EtOH, I walk right up to him and say, "I think I know you... Peter?"

It's been quite a long time - a couple of years - so I was surprised to hear him say my first and last name (I'm sure I never told him the latter) and say he'd thought about me. He was visibly intoxicated, but he was able to say some of the right things to make it seem like this was a good meeting.

Normally I'm way too nice to guys I really like, but again liquid courage was guiding my way. When he told me he wanted another chance, I put on a show of being skeptical (he was the one that disappeared on me). So, fast forward, I leave the bar and he takes my hand, holding it the entire walk back to my friends' house. A couple hours later, it's just the two of us, and we're almost home. He asks if it's okay if he can take me out again, and I put on my skeptical show again (even though I'm hella excited inside) but end up telling him he can if he really wants to. Finally he asks to kiss me, and we have our first kiss. Took long enough - literally years - but thankfully it was great.

He asked what I was doing the next night, so we kind of merged plans so we could go out in another group. I set my expectations low, figuring he would sober up the next day and not say anything to me. He ended up following through, though.

He had a lot less to drink that next night, but he still acted like he wanted to be there. It ended up being a great night, and we had second kisses and other fun things. It's crazy to me... After I stopped hearing from him years back, I kept thinking I wished I had gotten to kiss him once, just to take the memory with me. I never thought we'd speak again, and definitely never thought any of this would happen if we did. I am excited about what else could happen, but I also am not getting any hopes up. I got the little fantasy I wished for, and I know my life can be fine without him.

What I am worried about, is that my future actions related to liking Peter will mess things up with Blue. I hate juggling two guys I really like. It feels pretty bad. But Peter is making me forget the good things I have with Blue. I'd say Blue is a little cuter, and definitely taller, but Peter is on my mind much more. I want to keep both of them around, in case something goes wrong with one of them, but I feel bad about doing that.

To be continued...

Adventures in Guy Land

I've met a few new people - ahem...new guys since my last post and have completely lost interest in Rugby Guy. The good thing is, I know he'll be fine getting along without me. He's a big boy. The bad thing is, I haven't told him I'm done with him yet. He ended up tagging along in a friend group that was going out for drinks on the Fourth of July, and that day I think I really realized I was done with him.

He asked about my plans for Friday - the next night - and I told him I was going to a concert so I wouldn't see him. He texted me Friday asking for my friend's number so he could go out with my group of friends while I was at the concert. I gave the number to him but my friend purposefully left him hanging about their plans.

I met a guy at the concert Friday night, and he's really cute, tall, in great shape, and has a great job. My hangups about him are 1) He lives an hour away from me, 2) He smokes cigarettes and that's nasty, 3) He seems very eager, and 4) He's not the best kisser - kind of sloppy. He just moved here and lives in a small town outside of the city, so I can see why he's excited to have met a girl. I'll consider him for a little longer but I have my doubts.

Last weekend we went to a guy's apartment to meet up with a group then go out to the bars. There were seven or eight people there including myself, but I noticed one guy in particular right away - the one that lived at the apartment. All of us ended up piling into a tiny cab to go out. Supposedly the guys had called for a larger cab, but it was way better with the small one. I somehow ended up sitting half on the cute guy's lap and half on another guy's lap. I talk kind of loudly, so the ride there was really funny. The cute guy kept shushing me and not surprisingly it was pretty cute the way he did it. ;)

I talked to Cute Guy a good bit at the first bar, but then we got separated in the walk to the second bar. I was really worried I'd lose him for the rest of the night, but thankfully he finally showed up at our next destination and we talked some more. We found ourselves at the bar and he kissed me. And he was excellent - one of the better kissers in quite a while. I definitely noticed this fact, but he later complimented me on my kissing skills. Nice! So we kind of kissed a lot the rest of the time we were at the bar, and all of a sudden it was last call and it was time to go home. So we got into another cab - a van this time, darn! - and headed back to Cute Guy's apartment. My car was there, but I definitely couldn't drive. So he invited me to stay there. I did sleep in his bed, but I either blacked out or fell asleep within minutes of getting inside the apartment. So I don't think anything too exciting happened.

Cute Guy's friend JJ is really into my roomie, so the four of us went out on an unlabeled weekday outing a few days after our first meetup. It's funny though, because Cute Guy and I like each other, but my roomie does not like JJ. It was awkwardly but unspoken-ly a double date. I realized before we went out to dinner that I knew absolutely nothing about Cute Guy except that he said he's normally a pretty quiet guy. We ended up having a lot in common, though, and I may see him again this weekend when the group goes out.

New guy number three is really, really exciting. He has gorgeous blue eyes, so I'll call him Blue. I usually date guys who look more like boys than men - shorter guys, who are in shape but not very muscular. Blue is different - he looks like a man. Honestly I'm surprised he's interested in me, but things have been pretty different this year in getting to date the guys I've wanted to date. I wasn't expecting much for our first date. He wasn't too talkative online and wrote pretty short messages, but I just decided to give him a chance since he was cute and he wanted to see me.

Our first date was really great. We went to a rooftop bar on a warm day and just got along really well. It was so unexpected. Blue and I went out again last weekend (while I was ignoring Rugby Guy) and had dinner. During our first date, we had talked about this secret bar, so after dinner we decided to see if we could get into the bar. Well, we plotted how we were going to get in, but I ended up messing it up so we had to make other plans. Some of my friends were going out dancing, so we decided to meet up with them. Normally I love to dance, but the music wasn't great and I wasn't that tipsy. I was feeling a little self-conscious and awkward dancing in the group/in front of Blue, but then Blue and I started dancing together and it was all better. He's fun to kiss as well - he makes it kind of like a game and it's just really endearing. Just the way he looks at me makes me really like him.

Blue's really good-looking, he got along with my friends, and also, his arm muscles are fantastic. We like to do a lot of the same things as far as lifestyle goes - going out dancing, nice restaurants, having nice drinks. That's honestly something I like a lot in a guy - can't stand when they want fast food and cheap ass beer at dive bars all the time and they don't want to go to clubs.

In other words, so many guys... I am excited for the rest of the summer to play out. :)

Playing the Field?

Spring and summer have really brought the guys out to play this year. I've been embracing the philosophy of dating multiple guys at a time, but it's getting complicated. Things have started to become regular with a new guy - we'll call him Rugby Guy - and I've noticed he hasn't been logging into the dating site much lately. However, in my experience, when I've been really into one guy in particular, I will stop logging in on a regular basis after we've gone on a few dates. I do notice that some guys continue to log in frequently, even if things between us seem to be going well. And since I haven't claimed anyone as an official boyfriend in quite a while, it's safe to say that the previous observation is fairly telling. Those guys didn't work out for me.

Rugby Guy's profile does say he's looking for a serious relationship, but we know statements like that can be honest or purposely deceptive, depending on the guy. The thing is, I'm starting to feel bad that I'm still dating around. Rugby Guy and I have had some sexytime, as Sabrina cleverly calls it, and even though he's the only one I'm sharing that with right now, I still feel guilty that I'm talking to other guys. Hell, I've been planning dates with other guys and am still starting conversations with new ones. That being said, I am a fiercely loyal girl. If I'm really into someone, enough that we decide we're going to be exclusive, I don't break that. That's one of my great qualities, I think, that I don't cheat. But if I think I were about to get serious with someone other than Rugby Guy, I would need to decide between the two guys and stop seeing one of them.

I'm not sold on Rugby Guy yet, and he hasn't asked me to be, either. He's slowly opening up, and I'm seeing more and more that we could have something great - but I definitely need more time to see things through.

The thing I'm wondering the most is when I will know it's time to stop dating around. I don't want a guy to think I'm a hoe, seeing a million other dudes, but I also know it's good for the guy you're into to realize that you're in high demand - so that he will step up his game and actively do something if he wants you to be with only him. I've put all my eggs in one basket several times before, without commitment from the other party, and that ended up being a bad idea because I was the one who got hurt.

I guess with guys in the past, I've pretty much known/strongly suspected they were seeing other people, so I thought it was totally ok for me to do the same. With Rugby Guy, I think he's actually serious and might not be trying to talk to anyone else anymore... But I don't want to count on that and silently hold out for him without us discussing it. Lately I've been thinking I don't really believe in having "the talk," so this is gonna be a hard situation... Let's just hope it figures itself out!

Stepping Back

I've been thinking about writing this several times but I haven't felt ready yet. I still don't feel ready or like I've processed everything but I just feel like writing would make me feel better.

My daydreams entitled "I'm Dating My Future Husband" have come to an abrupt, unwelcome halt. August is an incredible guy. He's so many things I've been looking for, plus he has all these characteristics I didn't know I wanted but now I do. He's looking for a wife and a long-lasting future with someone. After an incredible whirlwind of dates and even hanging out with him and his friends for an entire weekend, as you know, I got sudden silence from him. It really got to me. He'd been so warm to me, so interested, and I wasn't used to him being cold.

While I was on a date with this Asian guy (I met him when I was undeniably tipsy at the pool, and I remember his English being much more fluent poolside) and he was in the restroom, I checked my phone and was shocked to see a missed call from August. I'd had one the night before too, but I thought it was an accident or a pocket-dial because he never left a message. After a weekend moping over not hearing from August, I was ridiculously giddy again in a nanosecond. I'm not fond of the fact that I do that.

I have no self control and had to call him back that night, literally seconds after Mr. Asian dropped me back off at my place. I'd had coffee before the drinking date with Mr. Asian, so the combination of caffeine and a very strong bourbon cocktail left me feeling very ready to have a li'l chit-chat with August. We got a couple of sentences of small talk in before I started in on exactly what I was thinking.

"It was really hurtful that I didn't hear back from you at all this weekend."

He threw in some comments about being busy with errands and apartment shopping. Then he told me, "I've been doing a lot of thinking over the week about us, and there are some hesitations I have that make me unsure."

Of course I was quite curious to hear what they were, and I told him as much.

I don't want to give my real identity away, just in case some technology stalker freak from my past figures out this is my blog (I'm paranoid like that), so I wish I could tell you exactly what August said so you would know how RIDICULOUS his thinking is. Essentially it's a disagreement over eating habits, and it could likely be resolved if we talked about it a little more (or if he tasted my cooking) - especially since we'd been doing a lot of activity dates and had eaten a total of two meals alone together.

After he told me about this issue, I said, "Is that really a big enough concern to give up on something good that's going on?" If you have real feelings for someone, this wouldn't be something you'd throw away a relationship over.

"I know it's silly," he said, "and I think you're so great. I've had a really good time with you, and I wonder if in a week or a month from now I'm going to regret this and want to text you or call you up. But I just never thought I would marry a girl who XX."

Talk about confusing.

I told him I won't be waiting around for him to decide I'm worth his time again. He said he agreed that I shouldn't do that. I told him the choice was up to him.

In normal-person speak, he seemed to be trying to say he felt a physical/emotional connection with me, but this one particular fact about me is a dealbreaker. I must add, he's basically known most of this fact since the beginning of us emailing one another.

I was confused as hell. He even said he discussed this issue with his friends and that his friends love me and think he's being dumb.

I asked, "Do you have any other issues with us? Are you sure that's all?" There had to be something else - something he didn't like about me on the inside. Pretty sure he thinks I'm a hottie, so it can't be that. ;)

He came back with, "Well, I know you're not into sports like I am. That's something I really enjoy and is important to me."

Ridiculousness #2. What?? I have told him (and I have email proof), that I like going to live games (if I have a giant beer in my hand, it's a great time!) but don't root passionately for any teams in particular. I'm just happy to be there and don't care who wins the game. I told him that I'm a girl and there are going to be some differences in interests (such as shoe shopping), but that I'm happy to be involved in things he likes.

I just feel like now that he doesn't understand me. I'm a flexible and adaptable person. I'm willing to do a lot for a guy that I genuinely care about. I'm happy to compromise. The character flaw that came out in him over our conversation is that he doesn't like one of my particular interests, and he's not willing or ready or even ready to talk about compromise even part of the way over it, even though I would be. He knows so little about my belief in this issue - he just knows the surface - so I think he misunderstands. He says I deserve a guy who will like me for these things, but that he's having trouble with them.

What this phone call with him tells me is that he doesn't like me enough to overlook our small differences. That he is willing to throw me away because of a small thing he is scared of. Part of me thinks this warrants another conversation with him, to assure him we'd be okay, but the other part doesn't believe him - that this stupid little thing is just an excuse to avoid telling me why he really doesn't think we'll work.

Stupidly I'm going on other dates, trying to busy myself in conversation with other perfectly nice guys, but my mind won't get off of August. It's not even one of those "You want it because you can't have it" things - I was incredibly interested much before he started going cold. I'm stupidly waiting for him to call or text, telling me he was wrong and he misses me.

I know like with Paolo, I'd get over it eventually, but I just don't want to let August go. August said he wanted to be friends and see me still occasionally, but I just told him we'd be seeing about that.

If I'm being honest with myself, I know I don't have much to lose by being assertive and either
(a.) getting further closure from him so I can move on
or (b.) persuading him to have another conversation about our issues to clarify misunderstandings and try again.

But fellow readers, I graciously invite any of you to bring me back down to earth. How often has an invite to another conversation, or an invite to try again, lead to an actual relationship or marriage?

Not this again

It's beating a dead horse to bring him up again, but the truth is I was likely in love with Paolo when he broke things off. I didn't see how my life would go on after we broke up. I had nothing to look forward to and I thought I couldn't look at any other guy the way I saw and adored Paolo. It was foolish, as warning signs were there and I ignored them. Since then I've written him off as the ultimate commitment-phobe.

How long does it really take to fall in love? In just a few weeks, at least internally, I started to reach obsessing status with August. I started to get really hopeful, because I didn't think I would feel again for a long time after Paolo. August and I have seen each other three weekends in a row, and I met his friends this past one. Minutes after my last post, he texted and then called me about our plans. It seemed like all my doubts had been unfounded - that I was being dramatic. An hour after posting I was over at his place with his friends as planned.

August remained so sweet to me and was treating me so well I couldn't believe it. We bid farewell last weekend with talk of seeing each other the next weekend. We'd spent time together three different days last week, and all things considered together, it seemed like we were on the fast track to relationship status. He remained respectful and didn't even try to get sex from it, although he had the opportunity multiple times.

I texted him midweek, and he wrote back immediately but wasn't too talkative. I dismissed it - I wrote him back late in the evening and didn't ask him any questions or give him much to follow up on. He didn't say another word and then it was Friday. I feel like I take too much and don't give enough when it comes to talking to guys, so I initiated contact with him again, asking what he had going on this weekend. Total silence.

Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I tried to keep myself busy, lamely but hopefully waiting to hear from him - hoping the case would be the same as last week's episode of poor communication. It wasn't. It was different. Eventually I hit breaking point, and it became late enough in the day where I knew I wouldn't hear from him. If he wanted to just text a few words, he would have. I moped for the rest of the day. I feel like the heartbreak has hit rock-bottom.

My dad called in the evening. While I was talking to him, August called as well. I couldn't believe it. I didn't click over to answer August's call but figured I'd give it at least an hour and then try back. I swung from miserable to happy and relieved. I got off the phone with my dad only to see August hadn't left a message. No text. Nothing. It didn't seem like it rang that long, but I have a brand new phone so I wasn't sure. I wondered for a moment if he called by accident and hung up.

I consulted Google for advice about when to call him back, and ultimately just went for it and called an hour later. No answer. It seemed like the one person I was waiting to hear from did indeed accidentally call me. He didn't pick up his phone a mere hour later and hasn't contacted me since, so it seems like the only explanation.

I feel dumb for feeling so torn up over August, but deep down, my gut instincts told me I might be dating my future husband. Honestly, he seemed very serious about us and like he was really into me. He has a history of staying in relationships for a very long time, and he's stated he's looking for something long-term. I have no idea what happened to make him lose interest in just a few days, but in this situation it's been long enough where it's completely unacceptable that he disappears without saying anything. If only you guys could read our initial messages from OkCupid, you would understand what I mean and how different things have been with him. It's crazy to me to have so much interest from him, to zero. From so much courtesy, to zero.

At first I thought I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of trying to contact him again, but now I feel that I need to talk to him a final time before walking away for good. I've drafted up a biting text that normally I wouldn't send, but I just need to get a word in even if he doesn't return any words of his own. At minimum, I want to let him know his behavior is not ok.

Writing this has made me feel better, but I'm still feeling empty inside. Love is the primary thing I want in my life right now. Now that I've been so close a couple of times recently it hurts that much harder to have my heart broken. It makes it so hard to trust a guy again, when I have one that totally trips me up. Hell, it's hard to trust myself, when I can be so wrong as to think a guy is one of those rare genuine gentleman, and then he turns out to be an inconsiderate ass at the core. It worries me that my radar can be so far off to be hopeful about a future with a guy who ends up not respecting me at all. To be fair to myself though, he's said (in what I thought was a humble, genuine way) that he's a guy that really does respect women.

I have a date with a new guy tonight (since I'm writing this post at 5 AM technically) and it's coming at a good time to help me keep my mind off of August. At the same time, I'm not sure I'm ready. The impact of August's actions will be running in the background. It's going to be really hard to believe and trust the guys that come after him. I don't find guys I like often, but when I do, I fall much more quickly than I'm comfortable with.

What I still can't believe it that I lasted five more months with commitment-phobe Paolo than I did with self-advertised "long-term" August.

Irritated

I've told multiple people now that I'm dating my future husband. Things have been so good, but I think speaking these words is coming back around to bite me in the ass.

August and I had a great date earlier in the week, but since he's been unreliable and frustrating. I've been really irritated over it, because normally he's very communicative. Of course I start to overanalyze and wonder what it all means - if he's losing interest or just busy.

It started after earlier in the week, when he invited me to hang out with him and his friends Friday (which was last night). I had Friday dinner plans but told August I'd text him and see where he was after. So I had this prior invite from him, you see, and so when I did text him during Friday dinner he kind of just blew me off and made no mention of us hanging out at all later. I was trying to push the conversation toward figuring out when he'd be at the bars so I could join, but he just wasn't helpful at all. It made me really confused, because he seemed like he had really wanted me there earlier. I just let the text conversation end, because he just made me feel unwanted.

We'd had definite plans for this afternoon (Saturday) but only a general timeframe. So the morning comes and goes and he's made no mention of our plans today. I told myself I'd wait and not say anything until he did, but I caved and shot him a curt text about meeting him. Over an hour later (definitely after the timeframe we'd discussed), he finally texts me back and says he's held up with something else at his friend's house. I'm glad he texted back, but I'm also pissed and irritated. I wonder if the evening would have went by with nothing from him if I hadn't said something first.

This is the type of shit Paolo used to do. I'm going to have to have a talk with August, but it's going to be hard. Everything has been great up until now, but I feel like I'm going to come off really bitchy when I bring this up. When I'm around him, I've been sweet as sugar so it's a side he hasn't seen. Is it too much to ask to just confirm plans? Sabrina talks about this all the time, so maybe it's just drilled into my brain, but I thought confirming plans was common courtesy.

Another thing that is awkward for me with him is the meeting the friends thing. He went to undergrad in town, so he knows loads of guy friends here. They hang out all the time and he's been talking about me coming with him to all these events he and the guys have coming up. It makes me excited, but at the same time, I don't have big groups of friends I party with here. I usually hang out with friends one-on-one or similarly small groups. I don't keep guy friends around too long because they always want more, and I don't have too many large group events that go on regularly that I'd even bring him to. What's he going to do, hang out as a third wheel when a girlfriend and I have dinner? I just feel like he's going to think I'm lame and don't have any friends because I haven't talked about inviting him along to anything that's going on in my life. I feel like this is one of those deep worries I don't want to talk with him about.

Aside from that, he'd better kiss ass today and make it up to me, because even after writing this rant-seeming blog post, I'm still mad at him!

Gossip Juice

This is the post where I will tie up loose ends about various boys I've blogged about.

Hot Tanner

Tanner was gorgeous and a lot of fun for one night. When I finally texted him with a clever opening, he responded very boringly and continued boring remark after boring remark. He didn't really try to further the conversation, and after the first text convo, he never initiated contact with me again. He has been crossed off my list - he's too much effort and doesn't seem too interested in me, so I won't force it. I also found his dating profile (thought he was too hot to have one) and saw he's two years younger than me. The Tanner storyline has closed.

Pacific Guy

Pacific Guy was promising at first, but he's still a grad student - has no car and lives on another side of town. It is a lot of effort to continue dating him. He is sweet and seems like he cares. The physical chemistry is great, but it's not enough for me. He's a talker, which I like; we don't have much in common though, and I have lost interest. I don't engage his texts anymore and have let it fizzle out. He got busy with school but seems to have taken the hint that I'm not actively trying to talk with him anymore.

Hot Date

Hot Date is definitely going to need a name, because he's going to be around for a while. I shall name him August. We've gone on two dates, and I'm so excited about him. He is classy, so respectful, and treats me really well, and things are just easy with him. I love being around him and talking to him, and he didn't even try to kiss me until the end of the second date (which made me want it really really bad). The kiss was a short one but really sweet, and thank GOD, he's a great kisser. My kissing luck is turning around! I'm meeting more of his friends next weekend for a music festival. Oh, and he's cute. Maybe I really can have everything I want...

Here's one catch: August knows my most recent ex (Paolo), and August knows I know Paolo because of Facebook. August doesn't know that Paolo is my ex.

Other Recent Dates

1. Guy without a job, who cannot drive because he has a new criminal record, who is the world's most annoying texter, who lives way out in the suburbs: The first date was pretty great, but I am kicking him to the curb. It is so annoying to have to pay to go on dates with him. I don't expect a guy to buy me everything, but if I want to hang out with him I know I always have to shell out the cash. Oh, and he lives with his parents.

2. Guy who is my neighbor, with poor hygiene, who drives an awesome car: This guy has never invited me on a real date but acts like we're dating. We do have hilarious conversations but it's never much substance. He asks to hang out daily but waits until at least 10pm to invite me to do anything - and it's either a trip to a fratty bar or to watch a movie at his place (I know what that means). I also think he's the reason I got a UTI. He's not going near me again.

3. Guy who I'm supposed to go out on a first date with tomorrow: We'll call this one Shad. It's a miracle we were able to schedule a date. He will ask me with only a few hours notice on a Friday or Saturday night to go out. Um, dude, no. I'm also very interested in August so my head's really not going to be in the game on this date. I'll just give Shad a shot because we've been talking for a few weeks, but if I'm not into it in the least, I'm not going to lead him on.

Paolo Update

When we broke up, Paolo said he didn't want to date anyone and wanted to spend time on himself and with his friends. A month later, some annoying girl starts posting on his Facebook wall every weekend those check-in statuses: "Annoying Girl is with Paolo at X Restaurant." A few days ago, she posted pictures of them together on vacation in a different state. Paolo is such a liar. I know I deserve better, so I am over the moon I have met August.

August and I went out last night and were happily walking around downtown, when I see Paolo ride by on his bike. I'm almost positive Paolo saw it was me, so I hope he felt it right in the gut - even just a tiny stab of jealousy - seeing his old friend August and his awesome ex on a date. Do I sound evil right now? Probably. Oh well.


Well, I believe you're sufficiently caught up on my dating life, save for one creepy story. I'll hold that story for next time. Hint: It involves a spa.

Hot Date

In less than two hours, I have a hot date. Instead of figuring out what I'm going to wear (because it's stressing me out), I am writing a blog post. Oh well. It's the first guy in a while that I've been excited about.

A couple of patterns have been arising in first dates lately:

1. Horrible kissers. What is with guys? Maybe I have had the privilege of dating a lot of good to excellent kissers up until March of 2013, but hot damn. We've got a bunch of clueless twenty-somethings out there, and I'm hitting the worst kissers all right in a row.

2. Overeager texters. Seriously, don't these dudes know the rules? Don't reply immediately all the time, and don't freaking text me five times in a row before I answer! So annoying. I just ignore the first few ones and only address the last text. Ridiculous. I'm this close to dumping a guy I had a great first date with because of this. It makes him seem really needy and desperate.

Thankfully, my date is not an overeager texter. We'll see about the kissing skillz...

Crazy night

I went downtown this weekend with my roommate Elle and her coworker Jay. We took the light rail because we knew we'd be drinking, and while Elle was fumbling with the ticket machine, my heart stopped when I saw Peter, a guy I used to date. It was only a couple of dates, but I was much more obsessed with him than I care to admit. I didn't get to know him too well, and it was two years ago, but I'm being literal when I say that he still crosses my mind daily.

He's the one who decided to stop talking to me, so I was super embarrassed to see him. Quickly I not so casually turned the opposite direction of Peter so I was facing Jay. I was in the clear - Peter hadn't seen me. When we walked down the train platform, I tried to lead my group as far down as possible so that Peter wouldn't have a chance of recognizing me. He and his friends ended up sitting one train car down from ours, so I was still safe.

I had several more glimpses of Peter as we were exiting the train into downtown. He still looked the same, blond and absolutely gorgeous. At this point I could tell he was very very drunk, but of course, since I think everything he does and says is perfect, I thought the drunkenness was endearing. He'd been polite and well-mannered on our dates, so it was funny to see him loud and with his guy friends.

My group caught the end of a live music event downtown, and as I started to exit the crowd, I saw Peter had been standing a few people behind me the whole time. I walked right by him - I was just inches away, but I avoided eye contact and he didn't seem to recognize me.

Jay, Elle, and I decided to go back uptown to go to the bars by our apartments. We went to this rooftop lounge for a little bit, when Jay gets a text from his friend Tanner. Jay tells us that Tanner was at the moment on a first date with a new girl and tells us the whole hilarious story of how Tanner asked the girl out. We were really excited when Tanner said he'd meet us at the lounge, because we wanted to ask him all the details about the date.

I've briefly met Tanner once before, but it was so brief (and dark) I'd forgotten about it. I was really bummed when he got to the lounge, because I didn't remember that he was smoking hot. I was even sadder when he was telling us the date went really well. He's exactly the type I go for - blond, smart, confident, and gorgeous. He and Jay each bought the group a round of shots, so I was feeling pretty good by the time we headed to the next bar.

Jay and Elle got into their own conversation, and Tanner and I have some career aspirations in common so we started talking about that. Jay got us another round of shots so the nerves around gorgeous Tanner were nonexistent at this point. We discussed where to go next and agreed on a really fun but fratty bar with a huge dance floor. I was really excited because I was so ready to dance at this point. Somehow Jay and Elle were trailing behind, so Tanner and I got to the fratty bar first, got drinks, and headed to the dance floor. He immediately wanted to dance with me, so I was excited about that, and he took it down low and everything so it was quite amusing.

All of a sudden, Tanner was kissing me. I had no idea if Jay and Elle could see us, but he kept dipping me low and spinning me and stuff, and my beer cup was really full so I kept spilling beer all over both of us. Thankfully he didn't care, and we were barely there for 15 minutes before Tanner said he was ready to leave. Without saying a word to Jay or Elle, he leads me outside, and we hop into a cab headed back to his place...

Haha so that happened. He told me he'd felt bad about everyone asking the details of his date once he saw that I was there (!), and I, in an uncharacteristic manner that can be attributed to alcohol, told him I was disappointed when I'd heard he just went on a date because I thought he was gorgeous. He gave me lots of compliments, and it was an excellent time. It was nice to have some excitement after not being drunk/brave enough to approach Peter earlier in the evening.

I had to work so Tanner drove me home in the morning, but as I was getting out of the car, he said he had a good time and mumbled something about going out again, but then... He didn't ask for my number! He's too hot to let go, so I asked for his. I haven't texted him yet - I don't know what to say. I know he's interested in actually dating because he took out that other girl (to a really nice restaurant too). But...he has a second date with her, and I don't know if he is categorizing me as a one-time hookup or someone he'd date. I had a really fun time during our escapades, but I hate this uncertain feeling when nighttime choices like this happen! Do y'all have any advice for how I should proceed with him??

Personal Space Invader

Back when I was dating Paolo, I kind of felt like my life was "set." I didn't feel the need to make plans with friends as often anymore, and I would keep my weekends open until Paolo and I had our dates scheduled. I drifted away from so many people - I was so content from being around him that not too much else mattered to me.

Now that we've broken up, I've been going out a lot. It's nice to do whatever I want, knowing that I'm 110% single. I loooove going out dancing, so not too long after the breakup, a girlfriend and I went to a new club and danced it up. We went to another strip of bars after, and I danced like a crazy woman (I am so awesome at this particular dancing technique) until we closed out the bar. Soon after some really tall dude put his hands on my shoulders (couldn't decide whether it was hot-aggressive or creepy-aggressive) and started a conversation. We talked for less than 60 seconds before I had to leave to jump in our taxi, and I hesitated to give him my number, but he insisted so I did it.

He was kind of goofy when he texted me later in the weekend, but it seemed friendly and not flirty. When he suggested we hit up a Mexican place for margaritas on a weeknight, I took it as just fun times hanging out with a new friend.

When I walked into the bar, Tall Dude was already there. He came up front to meet me and then led me back to where he was camped out, but the chair he pulled out for me was so close to his. I tried to pull away a little bit without being obvious, but we were still sitting way too close to each other. In less than five minutes of being there, he's holding my hand. At that point I was really like, WTF?! Holding hands is so cute when you adore a guy, but I was so creeped out. The conversation kind of stopped flowing because I just lost interest. I decided I was not into him like that, and I'd come mentally prepared to meet a new friend, not for a date.

After 45 minutes at the first bar, he suggested we go to a different place up the road. We walked outside, and after only 46 minutes of knowing me he decides to kiss me. He's so effing tall, and his stature so overpowering, that there was nothing I could do. I kept my mouth shut and waited for it to be over. I thought it would have been really bitchy to split after being with him for such a short time, so I followed him in my car to the next bar. Several times while I was driving, I considered turning around and just going home.

Normally I am so good at saying no to guys, and I hate this, but after 20 minutes at the next bar (I ordered water instead of alcohol, hahaha), he suggested we go to his apartment right behind the bar. I tell him I'm tired, I really need to go to bed, that I need to get up at 6, etc., but he's not having it. "I'm just going to show you that YouTube video I was telling you about - you have to see it, and right after that you can leave!" he says. I tell him fine, but I can only stay for five minutes.

The video was boring as hell, and it was definitely at least five minutes (of martial arts). (I even tried to sit on a different couch than him but he made me sit next to him...ughh no...) His life revolves around martial arts and I find it bone-dry boring. After hearing him talk, I might even hate it as much as I hate football (although I know myself well enough that if it were coming from my dream guy, there would be no ill feelings). Tall Dude introduced me to his hot roommate, which was exciting, but I was quickly let down when Hot Roommate's girlfriend came downstairs so they could leave - leaving Tall Dude and I, unfortunately, alone. Of course, I see Hot Roommate drive away in a freaking Porsche. Damn! (Tall Dude drives something dumpy and not even close to a Porsche.)

Quickly I told Tall Dude I needed to leave, and he tried to kiss me again. I stood still and endured the kiss for a few seconds, but decided I would never see him again so I should test how he is at making out. I tried to get into it, but he sucked, so I left and never responded to any of his text messages again.

I totally understand if you're drunk at a bar/club and pretty quickly get "friendly" with a guy - but if you're sober, didn't agree your meeting was a date, and you've known the guy for less than 10 minutes, a guy trying physical gestures that suggest you're a couple is not okay. Just creepy and gross!

Pacific Dates

I had a pretty good Valentine's Day. I was worried that if I didn't have something planned, I'd just stay home alone crying over Paolo. I'm going to call the new boy I mentioned in the last post "Pacific Guy." Having a second date on V-Day wasn't awkward as I feared it might be. With the "keeping it casual" mindset, we went to a pub. It ended up being quiet there and actually quite hilarious... It seemed as if it was Senior Citizen Night at the bar or something - so many older couples. One elderly duo was particularly amusing - the wife was sitting on a bar stool and her husband was rolled up to the bar in his wheelchair. Looking back, it would have been awesome to buy them a shot and pose with them for a V-Day group photo.

I was kind of sold on Pacific Guy after the first date but after the second I've stepped back a little. We had a great time though and things ended up getting hot by the end of the night. ;) He also started doing this thing that is just the sweetest gesture ever - he'll take my hand and intertwine our fingers, then kiss the top of my fingers. I don't know what a swoon physically looks like but that's what I was doing inside! But we'll have to see how things go. I'm not sure I feel like I can be myself and share myself around him, but it is a little early to tell.

I said I'd write about our first date as well. His pictures online were very endearing but our messaging conversations left me wondering about what he'd be like in person. I was very pleased when I first laid eyes on him. He was cuter in person and was dressed well. By the end of the night, I had also decided he had a pretty hot voice. I wasn't feeling very clever or talkative that night for some reason (my normal first date persona is usually #winning as Courtney Robertson would say), so I was worried things would be awkward; however, Pacific Guy liked to talk and it was a pleasant surprise. He was definitely winning me over and made statements that he was feeling really good and excited about us. He's also good at saying the right things (I'm not).

We talked at the bar, tried some local beers, played some bar games, and then walked to a second bar (one of my old favorites in the area). Then, we were that couple. I've never been into PDA unless I think the guy I'm with would be widely accepted as good looking (sounds shallow, I know). So we kept getting closer and closer while we were talking and eventually totally made out in the middle of a crowded bar. He has this genuine, caring look about him when he kisses me. It makes me think he may be sincere.

I've started thinking about Paolo a little again and all the "what ifs." I'm sad to have lost him and that I've had to let go of all the hopes for what could have been between us. No use dwelling on it, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about Paolo. I did not Facebook stalk him while we were dating (such self-control I have!) but totally have gone all out since and it makes me miserable when I do it. The sad thing is, his work life kept him so busy, so I don't know how much of an impact I had on him. I thought about him constantly when we were dating, but I don't know if he'll miss me or ever think of me, or try to get in contact. I do have a few of his things still so I suppose we'll speak again.

What's really important to me now is to figure out what Pacific Guy really wants. I'm all for having fun in the moment, but I want to invest my time in someone who will be important in my future - not in a guy who will just be in my life "for now." I never asked those questions of Paolo, but eventually found out what I needed to know when we broke up. Paolo couldn't give me his time, full attention, or commitment. He's taught me a lot of new things about what I want in a guy, and I knew exactly what I wanted when I started seeing him. With Pacific Guy, I'm seeing good things that were missing with Paolo - specifically, that he seems to want companionship like I do.

This post is getting unhealthy - too much overanalyzing for one day. Have a great Sunday evening!

Countdown

My past two Valentine's Days have been awful. I know myself well enough as a dater now that "not doing" Valentine's Day is a dealbreaker if you're a guy dating me (semi-seriously, that is).

It's not about the extras. I don't want them. It's about thinking a girl is special enough for you to set aside other plans and just spend time with her on February 14th. Each of the guys I dated ended up getting dumped not too long after they made me feel just not special at all on V-Day. This year I was so nervous to bring up V-Day with the guy I'd been dating for six months, only to have it taken off the table when he decided he didn't need me anymore. We stopped seeing each other just weeks before V-Day, and one of the first things I thought about after the breakup was that I wouldn't have a valentine!

However, as I am a woman who likes to make things happen, not only have I met a new incredible guy just days after my breakup, but we also have a casual Valentine's date planned. On one hand, I'm excited, and on the other, I'm feeling a little awkward and under pressure. I don't want to ruin our vibe though - we had a fantastic first date and we were both really excited about our next. But how the V-Day date got scheduled is just embarrassing...

We were trying to figure out when to see each other next, and he threw out a couple days he'd be free this week, including the Thursday that happened to be V-Day. I thought maybe it was a hint that he wanted to make plans to be my special valentine, so I tried to take the awkward burden off of him and broach the subject myself. I texted him, "We should do a Valentine's date...It would be fun!" I sweated and panicked and second-guessed myself nanoseconds after I pressed send, then heard back, "Oh really, that's Valentine's? Didn't even realize." He asked if that would be awkward (since we just met) but we agreed to keep things super chill, so I think I'm excited. Two weeks ago I was freaking out about not having a valentine...but now I'm freaking out that he might feel awkward! Privileged girl problems, I know...

I'll let you know how this goes, and don't worry, I won't deprive you of the juicy details about our first date either!

Barf

Recently I realized I am way too much of a daydreamer, in terms of dating at least. I start dreaming way too far into the future and honestly lose touch with reality. Next, I become disappointed when reality slaps me fresh in the face, greeting me with the fact that my daydream is not quite the same thing as my real life. I finally found the guy I've been looking for for a long time, and we were dating for almost half a year (this is long for me - I ditch 'em fast if I'm not into it). Unfortunately, I didn't ask the right questions, and I made optimistic assumptions about things between us based on the fact "that we had made it this long." I started imagining future vacations and one day going house shopping. In the dating world, I split from someone the moment I know I don't want to be with the guy; however, I just found out he's the opposite in dating - he holds on too long when he knows he wants to end things.

He just started acting weird and I didn't say anything at first. Finally I confront him and find that things are different than I thought. And now we're broken up. The past almost-six months had been really busy, and I was so looking forward to this time where things were going to cool down and we were going to get to spend a lot more time together. Now that he finally had the time to give, he realized he didn't want to spend it on dating anyone.

I don't understand his thinking at all, but I'm not about to force a guy to be with me if he doesn't feel like it. I want him to want me. It's awful to me that I've been spending time being excited about a guy that honestly didn't want to be seeing me anymore. It's sick to me to care about someone who doesn't care back.

I want a guy in my life to be there for me, but I don't ask for a lot. I'm entirely too independent. But I don't want to go to things alone anymore. I want to have some sort of constant on the weekends, someone to relax with after work, someone to plan trips with and suffer through family events with.

But those are things he doesn't want right now.

So I'm back to square one. Barf is that feeling you get when you realize you have to start logging back onto OkCupid again.




(I took a day and a half to be hysterical and upset. But then I did log back on, and now I happen to have my next first date all set up. We'll see...)